Memories
by CelticStar87
Summary: A girl from his past shows up one day. Flack starts to feel again but he doesn't want to. Will he be able to let go of the past and be honest about his feelings for Cailin before it's too late? How will he face the possibility of losing another woman he loves?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I've totally been on an "upload completed/almost completed stories" kick today. Go figure. Have I done anything to finish some of my other ones... of course not. Anyways, here's yet another CSI:NY story. This one is a little longer than the others. I just started typing this one a couple of weeks ago. It's not quite finished but it's almost finished. Besides the normal CSI:NY characters there are a few other CBS characters mentioned: Gibbs from NCIS, Harm and Sarah (Mac) from JAG. I seem to combine these shows, but never enough to warrant a cross-over. I don't own any part of any of the shows or songs mentioned in this story (songs are in later chapters). Enjoy. R&R please and thank you!**

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_Cailín's POV_

I stood in the middle of Time Square, or at least as 'in the middle' as I could get at the moment. It was the first time I'd been back to the Big Apple since I was a little girl. Okay, I wasn't exactly a "little" girl when we left; I had just finished my 8th grade year. Living in the City became too hard for my father. My mother had passed away that Christmas and Dad was waiting until school let out for the summer before moving us. By "us" I mean him, me, and my older brother, Jason. We moved to Washington, D.C., to be closer to some of my dad's friends from his military days. Now I found myself, 14 years later, back in the city I grew up in. I was different now. Back then I had been kind of nerdy. I studied hard, kept my head down, stayed quiet, and let my brother do his own thing without me around. I was a book-worm. If I wasn't in the library at school, I was in the Public Library. That trend continued pretty much all the way through high school. It wasn't until college, that I began to look at the world, and myself, differently. It was there that I had my second serious relationship, discovered my love of horses and photography, and realized what I wanted to do with my life. Jason followed Dad's footsteps and entered the Naval Academy after high school. He's now a "Top Gun" and is stationed in Annapolis. I've just started a new job at a magazine that's based in New York City. I've done some freelance photography for a few years, ever since graduating from Maryland University at the age of 21. I studied Photography and found my passion for taking pictures of architecture, plant life, and animal life. Occasionally, I was asked to be the photographer for small time fashion shoots and would take the job when they came around. They usually paid the most and I wouldn't let myself be dependent on my dad or brother for financial support.

Sorry about the trip down memory lane. I'm Cailín McClanahan. I'm a second generation Irish American, on both sides. After 14 years, I found myself standing in one of the busiest parts of the Big Apple. With camera in hand, I headed towards Central Park to complete my first assignment for the magazine. They needed a backdrop of everyday life in Central Park for an ad layout. It's not something that I particularly enjoy; knowing that they're going to Photoshop whatever item they're trying to sell. They were just going to ruin the beautiful scenes, but I knew enough to understand that if I always performed well for these assignments then maybe one day I'd be moved into something I actually enjoyed. I still freelance occasionally, a lot of the architecture firms in the city have wanted me to take some photos of their buildings for publications. Anyways, as I entered the Park I could tell that something wasn't right. There were police cars, news cameras, ambulances… there was definitely something going on. Not wanting to get too close to the action I tried to stay on the outside edge of the Park. That didn't last long. Curiosity got the better of me and I inched my way closer. As I got even closer, I could see the police questioning the onlookers. I took the chance to get some candid shots. There was one detective in particular that stuck out to me. He seemed familiar, like I had seen him somewhere before.

"Excuse me, Miss?" A woman wearing a "Crime Scene" jacket approached me.

"Yes?" I replied, resting my camera at my side again.

"I'm Detective Lindsay Messer. Can ask you a few questions?"

"Sure, but I've only been here for about a minute or two. I didn't see what happened." I looked at her. She seemed nice enough but definitely not originally from New York.

"Which way did you enter the Park?"

"From Time Square. I noticed the emergency vehicles and tried to stay on the outside edge but curiosity got the better of me."

"Did you notice anything out of the ordinary?"

"What do you mean? There were several people heading out of the Park when I came in. There were three men, two women, an older couple, and a mom with her two kids."

"What's your name?"

"Cailín McClanahan."

"How can you remember who left the Park?"

"I'm a photographer. I notice these types of things. Besides, I've been around law enforcement long enough that some of their 'skills' rubbed off." She was taking notes; I knew enough that I'd probably be added to the list of witnesses even though I didn't actually witness anything.

"Where can we find you if we have any more questions?" After giving her my work address and phone number and then my home address and phone number she headed back to the crime scene. After taking a few more candid shots, I headed away from that spot and towards the other side of the Park.

"What took you so long?" My boss asked as soon as I handed him a flash drive containing the pictures I had taken (the ones of nature, not the police).

"Something happened in the Park. The police had a part of it taped off. I had to walk to the other end of the Park for any good shots." He stuck the flash drive into his computer and looked through the pictures.

"Well, McClanahan, these make up for the fact that you took a long time. Even if you take all day, shots like these are worth it. Good work." He handed me back the flash drive and a sheet of paper containing the ones he picked out. "I want you to get with the others in your department and show them the images I chose. Once that's done, take them over to the jewelry store and show them what you've come up with. They'll pick the one they like the best and give you photos of their item. Bring them back and take them to the editing department. They'll do the rest. Showing them to your department will probably take the rest of the day. I'll call the jewelry store and let them know you'll bring the photos over first thing tomorrow." He smiled at me and I left. The guys in the photo department were dying to know how my first assignment went.

"It took you long enough." Paul, one of the other photographers, said.

"Yeah, something happened in the Park. It took a little while before I could get a good shot." I replied and stuck the flash drive into the TV. "Mr. Peterson has already chosen the shots that will be shown to the jewelry store. I have to take them over first thing tomorrow." The guys flipped through the photos.

"I have to say, these are amazing." Paul said as the last photo appeared on the screen. "Why are you doing menial tasks with talent like yours?"

"It's the menial tasks that will help get my name out there." I grabbed the flash drive and headed to my workstation. After copying the images on to my computer and placing the ones Mr. Peterson chose into their own file, I copied the candid pictures onto my personal flash drive and headed home. Home was an apartment above my uncle's pub. McClanahan's Shamrock Pub. My grandfather bought the building after immigrating to the United States from Ireland. With my grandmother's recipes the place became a staple in the neighborhood. It wasn't just for the Irish either, everybody came to the pub. From those who wanted food that they grew up on to those who were eating Irish recipes for the first time. Nothing's really changed. They still use a lot of my grandmother's recipes. My uncle has added a few new items just to keep up with the times but it's those old classics that are still the favorite.

"If it isn't my favorite niece!" My uncle hugged me as soon as I entered the pub. "How was work?"

"It was fine, Uncle Rick. Eric's game comes on soon, doesn't it?" I asked, sitting down in my favorite booth. It had pictures of my family on the wall above it. Pictures of my grandparents, my dad and Uncle Rick, my parents, Rick's family, my family… there were so many memories written in those photos.

"Yeah, any minute now." He glanced up to the only TV in the place. It was only on during Hockey season and it only played Rangers' games. My cousin, Eric, was the goalie for the Rangers.


	2. Chapter 2

_Don's POV_

"Hey, you guys want to head over to Shamrock?" I asked on the way out of the precinct. Shamrock was a pub that I remember going to as a kid growing up in New York. We didn't go very often but when my grandparents wanted authentic Irish cuisine, we'd end up there. I knew that there was a Rangers game tonight. It was an away game but I knew that Rick McClanahan would be playing it on the TV in the pub.

"Rangers game tonight?" Sheldon Hawks asked.

"Yep." Danny Messer replied. "I'm game if you are, babe?" He looked at Lindsay, his wife.

"Sure, unless you don't want to pay the babysitter overtime." She laughed. Danny did too.

"What about you, Mac? Jo?" I looked at the other two. Mac Taylor and Jo Danville.

"I can't, I promised Ellie that I'd be home early tonight." Jo replied. We said good night to her as she headed home.

"Sounds good to me; it'll be nice to relax for once. It seems like we haven't been able to for a while." Mac replied. We all headed to the pub. I was right. Rick McClanahan had the game playing on the only TV in the place.

"Welcome, to Shamrock. Take a seat anywhere you like." A waitress greeted us. We sat at the closet table to the TV. I could feel someone watching us. I scanned the room and my eyes landed on a woman sitting alone in a booth. She seemed familiar somehow.

"Hey, she was at the Park this morning." Lindsay's voice broke me from my thoughts. I had been trying to place her and when Lindsay mentioned the Park I thought that maybe that was it but then something wasn't right. I remembered her from the Park, yes, but also from somewhere else. "It's Cailín, right?" Lindsay went over to her. "Come join us." The woman smiled and then followed Lindsay over to us.

"You were taking photos of us at the Park, weren't you?" Sheldon asked when she sat down.

"Yeah. I was on assignment for work. I had to take pictures of life in Central Park for a backdrop for an ad." She looked embarrassed.

"And you thought to take pictures of police at a crime scene?" Danny joked. She laughed a little.

"No, I eventually made my way to the other side of the Park to fulfill the assignment. Curiosity got the better of me for a moment." She looked up at the TV. "Oh, Eric, you could have blocked that. Where's your head?" Apparently, she knows the Rangers' goalie. "Hey, Susan, you're brother missed one again." She said to the bartender.

"He's your cousin." The bartender answered back.

"Yeah, but he was your brother first." So this woman was a McClanahan.

"I should probably introduce you to everyone." Lindsay spoke up. "This is my husband, Danny Messer, that's Sheldon Hawks, Mac Taylor, and Don Flack. This is Cailín McClanahan."

"Do you all work for the NYPD?" She asked.

"I'm a crime scene investigator but I used to be the ME and before that I worked at a hospital." Sheldon replied.

"I'm the director of the NYPD Crime Lab." Mac smiled at her.

"I'm a homicide detective." I couldn't shake the fact that she seemed familiar to me. "Excuse, I don't mean to sound rude, but do I know you?"

"I was thinking the same thing, Detective." She replied. "I've been thinking that since the Park. I grew up in New York City. My dad used to help my uncle run this place."

"You're Jason's kid sister." Recognition dawned on me. "You moved after your 8th grade year. After your mom died."

"Yeah, living in the city got to be too hard on Dad, so he moved us to D.C."

"What's Jason doing now?"

"He's a 'Top Gun' in the Navy. He lives in Annapolis with his wife and daughter. What's Samantha up to these days?" So she remembered my sister. But then, they had been best friends since elementary school.

"She's working in the PR department for the NYPD. She's not had the easiest life but she's trying to make things better." I had only recently made amends with my sister. I had called in a favor to get her the job with the Public Relations department as a journalist. Even though she'd messed up in the past, I wouldn't let her give up on her dreams.

"I'll have to give her a call sometime soon. We lost touch after I moved."

_Cailín's POV_

"I'll have to give her a call sometime soon. We lost touch after I moved." I had lost touch with my childhood friend after moving to DC. I couldn't believe that I was sitting at the same table as Don Flack. He and my brother had hung out a lot as kids. Don, Jason, and Eric would get into messes so many times it got to be a known fact that if something was broken, they probably broke it. Truth be told, I'd had a crush on Don. Of course, I never said anything to anybody and after we moved it seemed like I moved on. Now, things seemed to tell a different story. He was even cuter now than when he was a teenager. He and Jason are three years older than me. I wasn't Don's type back then and I'm probably not his type now. I shook that thought from my mind. It wasn't like that with us. Sometimes, Don had seemed like another brother looking out for me. Of course, that could be because I hung out with his kid sister all the time. Sam was probably my only friend growing up. Neither one of us were very popular.

"Yeah, you should. She'd like to know that you're back in the city." Don's voice snapped me from my thoughts. "I'll give you her number." He wrote her number on a napkin and handed it to me. I smiled at him.

"Thanks." I glanced up at the TV. "Oh, come on, Eric! Get your head in the game!" Suddenly, my cell phone rang. "Hello?" I walked toward the bathrooms.

"This is Mr. Peterson, from the magazine."

"Yes, sir?" I was a little nervous.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this over the phone, but I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. You'll finish the current assignment and then that will be it. I'm sorry but we've just calculated the budget and even though your work is incredible and you came highly recommend… it's just that you haven't been with us long enough to keep you with the budget cuts. I'm sorry. You will get credit for this assignment and you'll get the commission you're due. I'll see you in the morning, Ms. McClanahan. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mr. Peterson." I couldn't believe it. I had just gotten the job a week ago and now I was being let go. I understood the budget cuts, but I just wished they would have figured it all out sooner. I sunk into my booth.

"Cailín?" Uncle Rick sat down across from me.

"I've been let go." I looked at him.

"From the magazine?" I nodded. "You just got that job last week."

"That was my boss. He said that they just calculated the budget and they can't afford to keep me. I'll finish this current assignment and get the credit and commission I'm due, but then that's it. It's a good thing I'm still freelancing. I do have a few architecture jobs next week and then a couple of fashion shoots the following week. I've sent some photos to National Geographic but no word on those yet." I tried to look at the positive. "I really didn't like that job anyways. I took it because it was the only job offer I got and it would have been a steady job unlike the freelance."

"It's going to be alright, Cailín. You have talent. Somebody will see that. So, what happened between you and that Matt guy?"

"Uncle Rick, please don't."

"Don't what? Don't ask about that guy you seemed crazy about?"

"Apparently, he wasn't crazy about me. He was cheating on me with a girl from his work." I looked at the picture of my mom and dad. "They were so happy."

"Yeah, they were." Rick smiled at me. "One day, Star, you'll find someone who will make you that happy." He kissed the top of my head and then headed into the kitchen.

"Cailín, are you alright?" Lindsay came over and sat across from me. "I couldn't help but overhear."

"I'm fine. The thing with Matt was one of the reasons why I moved back to New York. I had to get away from DC. Getting let go isn't the worst thing that's happened recently—that was Matt. I'm a talented photographer. I'm starting small but taking even the slightest job helps me get known. I'll be fine. I'm still going to look for a more permanent job, but for right now I'll focus on freelance." I smiled at her. Even though I've only just met her I could tell that there was a friendship growing.

"If you ever need anything, just let me know. Alright?"

"Sure." Suddenly, my cell rang again. "Hey, Jason, what's up?" Lindsay headed back to the others.

"Sis, there are a couple of things I have to tell you." He sounded down.

"Okay?" I braced myself. The way my day has been going, anything could happen.

"First, the good news." He paused. "Lacey's pregnant."

"That's great news! When did you find out?"

"The doctor just called. She went in for a check-up and they ran a test. The results just came in." He sounded happy.

"There's bad news?"

"Matt's in the hospital." He paused again, letting it sink in. "He and his girlfriend were in a car accident. She died en route to the hospital. He doesn't look good."

"What happened exactly?" I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.

"The cops said a drunk driver ran a red light going 70 mph. He was dead when the paramedics arrived on scene. You don't want to know any more details." He was probably right.

"How are Matt's parents handling it?" I asked about Matt's parents because they had been nothing but nice to me. Matt and I had dated for about two years before I found out he was cheating. He'd said that he'd only been seeing the other girl for three months when I found out. I wasn't quick to believe him.

"They're taking it hard. They might not have agreed with his lifestyle choices, but he was still their son."

"I know. Thanks for telling me. With all of this I probably shouldn't tell you how my day went."

"No, you should." He laughed a little.

"The good news. It's a small world." I laughed as the song played in my head.

"How so?"

"Do you remember Don Flack?" I noticed Don look at me when he heard his name.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"He's sitting at a table here at the pub. Of course, Uncle Rick has the Rangers' game on. Speaking of which, you need to tell that cousin of yours to practice his blocking." I laughed and so did Jason.

"What's Flack up to these days?"

"You should ask him. I'll give him your number and you two can catch up."

"You said 'good news,' so what's the bad news?"

"I've been let go." I waited for his response.

"You've only had that job a week!"

"Budget cuts. The boss said that my talent wasn't what got me cut. They just figured that they couldn't afford my position and that I hadn't been with the magazine long enough to secure a spot for me. It's fine, Jase, I have several freelance jobs coming up in the next couple of weeks. I'm still going to look for a more permanent job but for right now that freelancing will keep my head above water."

"As long as you're okay with all of this. Hey, I'd better go. Lacey and Sarah are begging for attention. They send their love. I'll tell Dad you said hi. Love you, sis. Night."

"Night, Jase, love you too." I hung up the phone. I smiled. No matter what was going on, Jason could always cheer me up. Even if it was just a simple 'hello.'

"Was that Jason?" Uncle Rick asked.

"Yep. Lacey's pregnant again."

"How many does this make them?" Rick joked.

"This will be their second. It's about time though, I think Sarah's been asking for a baby brother or sister since she could talk." We laughed. I headed back to the group at the table.

"Everything alright, back home?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah. My brother and his wife are expecting their second child. My father is doing well. My ex-boyfriend may not make it through the night." I replied.

"What?" Lindsay, along with the rest of the table, looked at me.

"Okay, that's not a good thing, I know. He and his girlfriend were hit by a drunk driver who ran a red light doing 70. That's what Jason said the cops said. Karen died en route to the hospital, the other driver was dead before the paramedics arrived, and Matt isn't expected to live much longer. Jason wouldn't go into any more detail; he said I wouldn't want to know. He's probably right." I wrote Jason's number on napkin. "Here, Flack. It's Jason's number. He'll be expecting a call, probably."


	3. Chapter 3

_Don's POV_

"Here, Flack. It's Jason's number. He'll be expecting a call, probably." I took the napkin from her. I had heard her say my name when she was on the phone earlier. I guessed she was talking to her brother. I had heard bits and pieces of her other conversations but wasn't about to bring anything up. She looked like she'd had enough explaining for one day. Something inside me became jealous when she mentioned an ex-boyfriend, but I didn't understand why. Granted she wasn't the nerdy girl I once knew, but she wasn't my type. She reminded me a little of Jessica; headstrong, independent… definitely not my type, at least, not anymore.

"I'll call him tomorrow. It's getting late." I watched her a little before turning my attention back to the hockey game.

"I can get tickets to the next home game if anyone's interested." Cailín said. "You'll just have to let me know so I can let Eric know. I'm definitely going to the next one. I've not been to a game in way too long. Besides, the owner wants me to take some shots of the game and the players."

"I'll let you know." Danny replied. He looked at Lindsay.

"We'll talk about it." Lindsay laughed. Danny looked like a little kid who had just been told 'I'll think about.'

"What about you, Flack?" She looked at me. Maybe I was reading into it, but she looked a little hopeful that I would say 'yes.'

"I'll have to look at my schedule." I replied. She just nodded.

"I'm sure Eric would like to see you again, but like I said, just let me know the week before." We all went back to watching the game and then said our goodnights.

"Good morning, Samantha." I greeted my sister when I saw her walk into the precinct. "What brings you by?"

"I thought I'd stop by on my way to work." She replied. "You'll never guess who I ran into at the coffee shop on the corner."

"Who?" I had a feeling I already knew who it was.

"Cailín McClanahan. Apparently, she moved back to the city. She was on her way to some jewelry store. She said she saw you yesterday, and that you went to Shamrock with your friends."

"Yeah, you're point? I gave her your number and she gave me Jason's." I leaned back in my chair. "I was going to tell you but you beat me to it."

"I know. I'm having lunch with her today. Care to join us?" She sat on the edge of my desk. "We'll be at that diner you like, at noon, if you can make it."

"I'll have to see." Part of me wanted to see Cailín again but part of me didn't. "Jason's married and has a daughter and another baby on the way."

"Yeah, Cailín mentioned that, too. She's apparently a photographer. A really good photographer, she was showing me some of the pictures she took yesterday. Captured your good side." She teased.

"Yeah, she was taking photos of us at a crime scene yesterday."

"You mean, she was taking pictures of _you_ at a crime scene yesterday. Of course, there were other people in the photos but every single one had you in it." She glanced at her watch. "Well, I'd better get going. I don't want to be late."

"Bye, I'll try to make lunch." I said but I was already thinking of ways to get out of it. I didn't want Cailín to get the wrong impression.

"Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it. I know that look, Don. If you don't want to go just say it; don't make excuses as to why you didn't. She needs friends right now. Her ex-boyfriend is dying and even though he broke her heart, she's still taking it pretty hard. I haven't seen her in 14 years but I don't think I've seen her this depressed since her mom died. That on top of losing her job… she just needs support right now. Besides, I know she's not your type. She wasn't when we were kids so why would she be now?" She left after that. _…she just needs support right now. Besides, I know she's not your type. She wasn't when we were kids so why would she be now?_ Her words echoed in my head. I spent most of the morning debating whether or not I should show up at the diner for lunch.

"Hey, Flack, what are you thinking about?" Danny walked up to me. Apparently, I looked like I was deep in thought.

"Nothing much." I lied. I didn't need the questions right now.

"That nothing doesn't have anything to do with a certain woman from last night, does it?" No wonder he was a crime scene investigator… nothing got past him.

"It's none of your business." I replied. Of course, that statement gave him the answer he was looking for.

"What's up?" He asked. He was being serious. I knew that he was only asking because he cared about me. He and Mac had been there for me when Jessica was killed. They had put up with a lot of crap from me after that. It wasn't until Mac really chewed me out that I realized how messed up I was. I sought help, but that didn't change the fact that I still missed her. Nothing seemed to help with that; not even now. "I know you still miss Angell, but it's time to really start dating again. I don't mean Cailín either. If she's not your type then that's fine but I think you need to get out there again."

"Don't, Messer. I'm content with where I'm at in life. I'll start dating when I want to start dating. I'm content, alright? I was just wondering if I should meet Cailín and Sam for lunch or not. The way Sam was talking this morning, I don't know if it would be such a good idea. I don't want to give Cailín the wrong idea."

"Alright. If you don't feel comfortable about going to lunch with them, then don't. Cailín seems like a strong person, but she's definitely struggling with stuff. She just needs friends right now. She called Lindsay earlier and invited her to lunch too." He said and then headed out of the precinct. As I sat at my desk thinking about what Danny had just said I saw Cailín walk in. She smiled at me but then proceeded to head toward the Captain's office.

_Cailín's POV_

I had bumped into Sam at the coffee shop this morning and explained what I'd been up to and that I'd run into Don the day before. We caught up a little bit and then made plans to meet for lunch. She called me around 10:00am to say that she stopped by Don's precinct and invited him to lunch as well. Then she said that she talked to her boss and the PR department was looking for a new photographer. She mentioned my name and told me that I needed to talk to Captain Wallace to get an application. I didn't realize that she was the Captain of Don's precinct until I walked into the building and noticed Don sitting at a desk. I had just passed Danny on the way out and I explained what was going on. When I saw that Don had spotted me, I smiled at him but then went straight to the Captain's office. I knocked.

"Come in." A woman's voice answered.

"Captain Wallace?" I asked as I stepped into the office.

"May I help you?" She smiled at me.

"I'm here about an application for the PR's photography position." I shut the door behind me.

"Please, have a seat." I sat down in one of the red chairs in front of her desk. "How did you hear about the opening?"

"Samantha Flack is a friend of mine. She mentioned it to me this morning. I don't want to get her into any trouble if she wasn't supposed to say anything. She knows that I just lost my job due to budget cuts and I'm going through some personal things right now. I could use a steadier job. I freelance a lot and have for the past six years. I have a BA in fine arts with a concentration in photography. I have a portfolio along with my resume." I had them in a folder sitting on my lap.

"It's good that Ms. Flack mentioned something. We've had this opening for months now but there haven't been a lot of applicants. I'm just one of the police officers you'll have to interview with before we'll consider you for the position. May I see what you have?" I handed her the portfolio and a copy of my resume.

"A lot of the early stuff is from my college years. I mainly focused on architecture and nature but I have shot many different subjects over the years."

"I can see that. When did you take these?" She flipped through the photos I had taken the day before. She pointed to some of the police ones.

"Yesterday. I was actually working on an assignment for the magazine I used to work for. I had noticed the scene when I entered the Park and tried to stay away from it but curiosity seemed to have gotten the better of me."

"Stuff like this doesn't bother you?" She looked up at me.

"The blood?"

"The whole thing."

"Not really. I've been around law enforcement a lot growing up. Samantha Flack and I have been friends since elementary school, so I know her father really well. After moving to DC with my family, I spent time around the Navy yard with my dad and some of his friends. Death isn't something that I enjoy photography but it's a part of life." I explained. She nodded and then flipped through the pictures one more time and then read over my resume.

"You have real talent, Ms. McClanahan. I will put in my recommendation for you but you will also have to speak with Captain Johnson and Police Commissioner O'Brian. Good luck to you. I will contact you with the appointment times to meet with them. What does your schedule look like this week?"

"I have two jobs tomorrow; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I'm free all day on Thursday and then I have three jobs on Friday. Saturday is free. Next Monday and Tuesday, I have the mornings free but then I have jobs in the afternoon. Other than that I'm available any time."

"I'll try to get an appointment for you on Thursday. Hopefully, I'll be able to get both appointments for you on Thursday, but I'll give you a call tomorrow to let you know. Thank you for coming in."

"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I appreciate it." I shook her hand and then headed out of the office.

"What are you doing here?" His voice made me jump.

"Flack, don't sneak up on me like that." I said. "Sam mentioned that there was a photography position open in PR. I stopped by to talk with Captain Wallace about it."

"Oh." He seemed uncomfortable.

"Sam said that she invited you to lunch?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Don't feel like you have to go; no one's forcing you. If you don't feel comfortable going, then don't. I talked to Eric last night and he asked about you. I hadn't even mentioned that I met up with you again. It was weird. Anyways, the tickets are still available if you find out you can go. Again, don't feel pressured about lunch or the game. I don't want you to do something you don't want to because of me or Sam. I'll see you around, Flack." I headed out of the precinct after that. He seemed a little confused. He didn't show up for lunch but, then, I didn't expect him to.

"I hope he didn't show up because he didn't want to and doesn't try to come up with some lame excuse as to why he didn't show." Sam fumed at lunch.

"Chill out, Sam. I'm sure he has a good reason for not coming." Lindsay replied. We had already finished eating and were now just chatting.

"Yeah, sure he does." Sam sarcastically remarked.

"It's probably because of me." I spoke up. "I can tell he doesn't feel comfortable around me. I stopped in to talk to Captain Wallace earlier and Don asked me what I was doing there. I told him not to come to lunch if he didn't want to. I said that nobody was pressuring him to show up."

"You did what?" Sam looked at me.

"Stop trying to set us up. Sam, it didn't work when we were younger and it won't work now. Your brother has never seen me in that way, so forget about it."

"Me? Set you up with Don?" Sam tried to play innocent.

"Yes, you. Don't play innocent. He may never have seen what you were up to but I did. It didn't work then, it won't work now. Besides, he's not my type."

"Oh, since when?" She didn't believe me.

"Since I was 12." I thought back to the day I found out my mother had been killed in an accident. I had stayed home from school because I was sick. Don had come over to see if Jason was home. When he noticed I was crying he asked what was wrong. I told him that my mom was dead and that Dad and Uncle Rick were with the police. He asked where Jason was and I said that I didn't know. I said that I felt like I was all alone. I had curled up into a ball on the couch. I never knew when Don had left, just that he had. A couple hours later, my dad returned home but Jason was still missing. The next morning, Jason walked through the door and said that he had spent the night at Eric's. I asked him if he had spoken to Don or Sam but he had replied in the negative. Sam had come over that afternoon and we had talked. I never spoke to Don again after that, not even when he was over hanging out with Jason and Eric. That was the day my crush on Don Flack had ended; I hadn't wanted nor expected him to say anything but I had expected him to at least stay with me until my dad or Jason came home.

"Cailín, he was 15. He didn't know what to say or do. And now, he's still dealing with the death of his partner. He won't admit it, but he is." Sam looked over at Lindsay. They explained what had happened about three years ago. I felt sorry for him, I did, but that didn't change the fact that I had looked up to him as a brother back then and yet he didn't do anything for me when I told him that I had just lost my mother.

"That's sad, it is but I've been there too. I had dated this guy in college. We had met in a class freshman year and we'd hit it off. We both shared a passion for photography and were able to use that as a base for our friendship and then our relationship. One night, during senior year, we were heading home from the library when a car came out of nowhere and hit us. Patrick had gotten the worst of it since he stepped between me and the car. I had to push his lifeless body off of me in order to breathe. We were graduating in two weeks. I barely made it to graduation. We were getting married in three months. I put everything I had into photography after that. It wasn't until I met Matt during one of my jobs that I had even thought about dating again. That was four years after the accident. Matt and I dated for two years and then I found out his was cheating on me. Not only will I not date Don because he's not my type, I won't date him because I'm not going to date anyone for a very long time." I slumped back against the back of the booth. There were a few things I was omitting but I didn't want to go into all of it right now. We sat in silence for a few minutes and then Don walked through the door.


	4. Chapter 4

_Don's POV_

I didn't meet up with Sam and them for lunch. There were a few reasons why I didn't: 1) I didn't want to and 2) I had received a call out at 11:30. Now I was hungry and the closet place was the diner Sam said they were going to be at. I looked at my watch, it was nearing 1:30 so I didn't expect to see them still sitting in a booth. They looked sullen; like something depressing had just happened. When Cailín noticed me, she glared.

"Well, look who showed up." Sam said when I came closer. Cailín wasn't looking at me anymore, which was good because if looks could kill…

"I got a call at 11:30, Samantha." I replied. Cailín pulled out her phone and answered it.

"Hey, Jase. What's up?" It was her brother. "When?" I couldn't really hear what he was saying. "I don't know if I can make it, nor do I think I want to go." Her jaw tightened. "No, I haven't gotten over that. Jason, it's only been two weeks. He broke not only my heart but also my trust in men." She rolled her eyes at something Jason said. "I'm sorry too." She was fighting tears. "Just tell them I'm sorry. I just can't go. It hurts too much. I'm sorry he died… I'm sorry they both died, but I can't be true to myself and go to his funeral. He betrayed that right when he cheated on me." She hung up the phone and then left.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"I'm guessing Matt just died." Lindsay replied. We all watched as Cailín entered the Park.

"No offense to her but, man and I thought my love life sucked." Sam remarked. She headed out after Cailín.

"Don, sit." Lindsay said. I obeyed. "I don't know what's happened between you and Cailín but she's definitely angry with you about something that happened when she was 12. We told her about Jessica." I clinched my teeth. "She understands what you went through. She lost her fiancé three months before their wedding, and it took her four years to even consider dating again. Then she finds out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Now he's dead. Just be there for her if she needs to talk. Even if you don't say anything, just let her know you're there for her." Lindsay stood up. "Well, I should be getting back to work. I'll see you later." I nodded and she left. I sat in that booth trying to think about what I had done to make Cailín angry with me. _…she's definitely angry with you about something that happened when she was 12._ I thought back to when Cailín was 12 and I was 15. The only thing I could think of was her mom's death. That didn't help though; I couldn't understand why she would be angry with me over that. Now it was bugging me. I cancelled the order and headed into the Park to look for Cailín. I needed to know.

"Don, leave her be." Sam came up to me. "She wants to be alone." When she said that it hit me; I knew why she would be mad at me. I ignored my sister and found Cailín sitting on a bench looking up at the sky.

"Cailín?" She looked at me for a second and then back up to the sky.

"What would it be like to die?"

"What?" What on Earth was she talking about?

"What would it be like to die? To no longer exist in a world where the people you care about die, or betray you? What would it be like to no longer feel pain or loneliness?" She looked at me again. Something in her eyes told me that she was serious.

"I know what it's like to come close to death; to learn later how worried your friends are. Death is a part of life, so is pain and loneliness. Lindsay told me a little about what's going on, but, Cailín, none of it is worth dying over. In my line of work, I have seen enough pointless deaths. I'm here for you, Cailín. I know I should have been there for you when your mother died, but I'm here now. If you ever just want to talk…" I handed her my cell number. "Call me anytime."

"Thanks, Flack." She smiled weakly at me. "I was only asking before. I never once thought that I could end my life just because my world seemed to be falling down around me at the moment. There are just way too many people out there who would kill me if I committed suicide." She laughed and so did I.

"I wouldn't let you. Those same people would kill me if they knew I knew that you were talking like that and still let you alone with you." I stood up. "I'll make sure my schedule is clear for the Rangers' next home game. Save me a ticket?"

"Sure." She looked up at me and smiled. In that moment, we both knew that everything was going to be alright between us.

_A few weeks later (still Don's POV)_

I kept expecting Cailín to call but she never did. She only called to let me know that she'd gotten the tickets from Eric and set up a time to meet. It was only going to be the two of us; everybody else was busy that night. Samantha was the one who told me that Cailín had gotten the PR photography position. Apparently, she had impressed the Commissioner so much that he hired her on the spot.

"Hey, Flack." I spotted Cailín at the box office. "Here's your ticket. Eric saved us rink-side seats."

"Of course he did." I smiled. I took the ticket she handed me. She looked beautiful even though she was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a zip-up hoodie. I noticed the way she looked but I wasn't about to say anything. "Shall we?"

"I guess. They'll be warming up and I'm guessing Eric's looking for me. He doesn't know that you were the second ticket." Her smile was mischievous. "I thought it would be fun to surprise him."

"I'm going to get the third-degree though. Knowing Eric, he's going to think this is a date." I could picture Eric's face now.

"If he says anything, I'll hurt him." I knew she meant it. She was known to be a tough girl growing up. She didn't take crap from the boys. There had been more than one occasion where she'd made one of the boys cry… and most of the time it had been Eric.

"I believe it. He'll probably think twice before saying anything to you though." I laughed a little. I knew Eric would give me an earful if we ever ended up alone. He always seemed to think that I had a thing for his cousin, no matter how many times I told him otherwise. "I talked to Jason yesterday. He said that he hasn't heard from you in a few days? What's up?"

"Nothing. I've just been really busy. I'm trying to get adjusted to the PR department, a few freelance jobs, and helping out in the pub. A waitress quit so I've been filling in until they can find someone."

"Too busy to talk to your brother?" That didn't seem right; she always seemed to take Jason's calls.

"Yep." She's hiding something. "Don't look at me like that. It's just been a really busy couple of days. Besides, I've been sort of seeing someone." That's news.

"Since when?" I couldn't understand my jealousy. "Who?"

"It's nothing. We met last week on one of my freelance jobs for the FDNY. We met for drinks the other night. I don't think it's going anywhere, though."

"Why not?"

"There's just something about him that doesn't sit right with me. He reminds me of Matt a little too much. He asked me out again but I told him that I'd have to think about it." We were waiting in line at one of the concession stands. "There's just something about the way he acts that puts me on edge."

"How so?" After getting our food we made our way to our seats.

"It's hard to explain. I was in a relationship in high school that, if I hadn't known what to look for, could have been very abusive. The guy had seemed a little too overprotective of me right from the beginning. On top of that he had to know where I was at every minute of the day. If I didn't answer his call he'd assume I was cheating. He was even like that after I broke up with him. I had to change schools and I had a restraining order against him. He finally decided to give up… his next girlfriend wasn't as lucky as I was. He was arrested and charged with second-degree murder. He'll be spending the rest of his life behind bars. No chance of parole." I could tell that she was reliving that time in her life. "He didn't have the chance to hit me a second time. The first was one time too many."

"So this guy you're sort of seeing reminds you of that guy?" I had never felt myself get as angry as I was getting right then. I mean sure, when Stella and Jessica had been working on that Greek antiquities case (without approval) I had been angry and there had been times when I'd gotten angry with Samantha but never had I been this angry. The thought of some guy thinking he could lay a hand on Cailín and get away with it made me sick.

"Yeah, he does. I can see some of the same signs. I was talking to the bartender, a friend of Jason's from back in the day, and he thought I was flirting with him. The next day he called me at work and asked why I gave him a wrong number the night before. I apologized and said that it was a mistake. When he asked for my real number I said that I couldn't talk because I had a meeting."

"You lied?"

"Both times. I gave him a wrong number on purpose and I didn't have a meeting. I just needed to get out of giving him another wrong number. I have a feeling that if he finds out that I'm here with you, or if I was here with any guy, he'd accuse me of cheating even though he and I aren't dating. To be quite honest, he gives me the creeps. It's a good thing the pub, and my apartment, has a security system complete with cameras."

"Hey, it's going to be alright. If you feel like he's going to hurt you in any way, or if you feel scared, give me a call. Day or night. If you can't get me, give Danny or Mac a call. Don't think you have to deal with this on your own. Okay?"

"Alright." She smiled a little. I could tell that she was still a little on edge over the whole thing. "The more I think about it the more nervous I get."

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you. Jason would come up here and hurt me if I did." That made her really smile, though her eyes seemed to show disappointment. I shrugged it off as the game started.


	5. Chapter 5

_Cailín's POV _

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you. Jason would come up here and hurt me if I did." That first part made me smile. I was, however, a little disappointed that he used Jason as an excuse as to why he wouldn't let anything happen to me. It was true, the more I talked about the guy the more on edge I became. I'd been in one abusive relationship already… I didn't need to be in another one. We watched the first half of the game without much talking. It wasn't until half-time that I felt like someone was watching me. I scanned the crowd and noticed the guy sitting several rows behind us. "Oh no." I whispered but I knew Don had heard me because he looked at me.

"What's wrong?" He whispered back.

"He's here. Ten rows behind us, fifth seat from the stairs." He glanced back and then looked at me.

"Him?" He asked.

"Yeah, you know him?"

"Yeah, I do. We'll talk about it later." He replied. I nodded and tried to sink lower in the seat. I had seen the look in Peter Anderson's eyes. I knew that look; it had me on edge even more.

"Whatever you do, do not leave me alone. I've seen that look before…" Don nodded. He laid his arm across the back of my seat and leaned in closer.

"I wouldn't dream of it. He's not going to touch you." I leaned into him. I couldn't stop from shaking. I had never been more scared in my entire life. The game started back up. The Rangers won 3 to 2 and I was able to get some shots of the team celebrating. The arena started to clear out but Don and I remained seated. I could still feel Peter watching me. Don must have sensed something as well because he looked over at me.

"Hey, cousin!" Eric waved at me from the ice. "Look who it is! Flack, it's good to see you. You guys can come down here." We headed towards the ice. We had just stepped foot on the ice when a gun shot rang through the arena. Eric pulled me down to the ice and I scanned the seats. Peter was standing there with a gun pointed at me and Eric. I looked over at Don.

"NO!" I tried to scramble to him but Eric had a firm grip on me. "Don!" Tears stung my eyes as I tried to focus. If I couldn't get to him, I'd pull him to me. I grabbed his arm and slid him over to me. Another shot rang out; ice flew everywhere. There was only one thing I could do at this point. I wiggled out from under Eric and moved closer to Don. I put pressure on the wound and slid us both behind the side wall keeping us out of range. Eric slid, quickly, beside me. Security guards were closing in on Peter but he kept firing at us and them.

"911 what's your emergency?" I dialed 911.

"I'm at the Hockey arena. There have been shots fired. Officer down. I repeat, officer down." I tried to remain calm as I kept pressure on Don's shoulder and tried to count the number of shots. "I don't know if any of the security guards have been shot but Detective Don Flack has been hit in the shoulder. Please hurry."

"Units are on the way. Are you hurt?"

"Not that I'm aware of." It was the truth. I hadn't taken time to see if I had been hit. If I had, I didn't feel it at the moment. "Eric, are you alright?" I glanced back at my cousin.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You're not." It was then that I noticed blood pooling on the ice by my side.

"I just think it's a graze." I was starting to get light-headed.

"You're losing a lot of blood, Cailín." Eric scooted closer to me and pressed something against my hip.

"Don? Can you hear me?" I watched him; there was no sign of movement, just very light breathing. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. I could hear the faint sirens outside. I had lost track of what was going on with Peter. At that moment I didn't care what happened to him; I was worried about what happened to Don. I wouldn't forgive myself if he died.

"The police and ambulance have arrived. You can hang up the phone now." I did as the dispatcher said and waited for the paramedics to reach us.

"Get down on the ground now!" I could hear Danny's voice from the stands.

"Drop the gun!" There was Mac. "Don't make this worse than it already is!" Part of me hoped that Peter didn't drop the gun… I knew what would happen if he didn't. He needed to do whatever fast because I knew that the paramedics wouldn't get to us until it was safe. I could feel Don's life slipping away.

"Stay with me, Flack. You hear me? You are NOT allowed to die! Do you hear me, Donald Flack, Jr.? YOU! ARE! NOT! ALLOWED! TO! DIE!" I couldn't control the tears anymore. "Eric, take over for me." I was losing strength. He switched places with me and I held my side while he put pressure on Don's shoulder.

"Drop the gun, Anderson!" Danny and Mac were still trying to get Peter to surrender. I jumped when I heard a couple of gunshots ring out. I then saw the paramedics make their way towards us.

"Take care of him first, please. He's the cop." They nodded and put him on the stretcher while one helped me stand and then led me to the ambulance. On my way out I saw them put Peter's body in a body bag. Mac and Danny looked at me. I had to look away. I'm guessing they questioned Eric and the others before making their way to the hospital. Samantha and Lindsay were already there.

"Cailín, are you alright?" Sam asked when she saw me. I had been stitched up and was waiting to see if the doctor wanted me to stay overnight to be on the safe side.

"I'm fine, Sam. How's Don?" I had to fight the tears. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for this. Part of me knew it wasn't my fault but the other part was taking over; the part that said that I was to blame for Don getting in the middle of this.

"He'll be alright. His body just went into shock. The doctor said that he should be waking up soon. He thinks Don might have a small concussion from hitting the ice." Sam replied.

"He's been through worse. He'll pull through this with flying colors." Lindsay said. "What happened?"

"We had just stepped onto the ice when I heard a gunshot. Eric pulled me down and when I looked over at Don he was already out. Thinking about it, he might have hit his head on the ice." I paused. "I had noticed that Peter was at the game. I had just told Don about him during half-time. I could feel Peter watching us. I never expected…"

"It's alright, Cailín. It's not your fault." Sam tried to assure me.

"I know but part of me can't help but feel that it is. Sam, can you call Jason?"

"Sure." She left the room. The doctor came in and said that I was free to go. I didn't want to leave though. I asked where Don's room was and made my way there. "Jason wants you to come home, at least for a few weeks. He said that he's been trying to reach you. Cailín, your dad's not doing so well." I looked at Sam in disbelief.

"What do you mean?" I had just talked to him yesterday afternoon and he seemed fine. "I just talked to him yesterday."

"It seems that he had a heart attack right after the hockey game…" She trailed off. She was probably thinking that same thing I was.

"That's not even possible." I stood frozen. My dad had a heart attack at the same time we were shot at? "Alright, I'll see if I can get time off from work. I'll leave tomorrow." I called my boss and explained the whole situation. She said for me to take all the time I needed. She did give me a few assignments that could be done while I was gone so that I wasn't missing too much pay. After I hung up the phone, Mac and Danny walked in.

"How's he doing?" Mac looked at Sam.

"The doctor says he should be fine. He might have a small concussion from hitting the ice and that his body went into shock but he should wake up soon."

"Mac?" I looked at him. I knew that my leaving was going to be a big problem with the investigation and that I might not get to go home.

"What is it?" The way he looked at me made me think twice about mentioning anything.

"My father just had a heart attack. My brother has asked me to come home; he said that it doesn't look good. I know that with the investigation and everything…" I looked at Don lying on the hospital bed. A lump formed in my throat. "I guess what I'm asking is that you allow me to go home for a few weeks. I know you don't have to and more than likely you shouldn't but, he's the only parent I have left; my mom died when I was twelve."

"You're right I don't have to and honestly I shouldn't let you go…"

"Mac..." Lindsay started. He held his hand up to silence her. She looked at me. I knew neither she nor Sam blamed me for Don's current condition. I wasn't so sure about Danny and Mac.

"I'm going to let you go. You are not the suspect in the case. You are a victim and a witness. The suspect is dead and it looks as though nobody else was killed tonight. You have two weeks, but you have to give your account before you leave. If you need longer than two weeks you will have to call me. I may or may not grant you longer." I nodded.

"Thank you, Mac." I tried to smile but it didn't work. I looked at Don; he still hadn't woken up yet. I took a deep breath and walked into his room. "Hey, Flack." I took his hand in mine. "I have to go home for a couple of weeks. Dad's not doing great. Jason said he's had a heart attack and it doesn't look good." I bent down and kissed his cheek; tears running down mine. "I'm so sorry I got you involved in all this." I whispered before kissing his cheek again. "Good bye, Don Flack." I walked out of his room. "Can I give you my statement tonight? I'd like to leave as soon as I can tomorrow."

"Sure." Mac and Danny took me to the precinct while Lindsay and Sam stayed at the hospital. They led me into an interrogation room and I told them what happened. I started from the time I met Don in front of the arena and finished with the hospital. They recorded my statement and when they turned the tape recorder off I continued.

"I know he's a good friend of yours; both of you. I know that he's had it rough the past several years. I just want you to know that I didn't mean for anything like this to happen. If I knew what was going to happen I would have taken that bullet for him. It would—should—be me lying on that hospital bed instead of him. I'm sorry. If you have any other questions… you have my number." I stood up and headed out of the precinct. I hailed a cab and headed to my apartment. Eric, Susan, Uncle Rick, and Aunt Mary were waiting in the pub.

"Are you alright?" Eric asked.

"I'm fine. Just a few stitches. The doctor said that Don's going to be fine as well. Did Jason call you?" I sat down next to Susan.

"Yeah. Are you heading down?" Uncle Rick asked.

"Tomorrow morning. Detective Taylor is giving me two weeks..."

"Why?" Aunt Mary asked.

"It's because of the investigation. I was at the precinct giving them my statement just now. If it weren't for the investigation I wouldn't have had to ask him for permission. I've already talked to my boss and left messages with my freelance jobs. I can't believe all this is happening."

"Are you hungry?" Aunt Mary looked at me.

"Not really but I know I should eat something. The hot dog and nachos at the game seem so long ago now." I felt myself sinking into a depression. I needed to see my brother and Lacey and Sarah and my father before I sank too deep.

"I'll go heat up some of your favorite." Aunt Mary went into the kitchen.

"Keep us up to date on your dad. We can't close the pub for too long but we'll close it if we have to." Uncle Rick said.

"The public will understand, Dad." Susan, as we all, could tell that Uncle Rick was worried about his brother. The two had been very close even after we moved to DC. We were all feeling the weight of everything that was going on right now; we were a very close family. I had my Irish roots to thank for that.

"She's right, Uncle Rick. Dad is as much a part of this pub as you are. I've only been back a little over a month and people who knew me back then have been asking about Dad and Jason. Everyone who came here loved Dad. You should let them know what's going on, especially if they ask. We could use all the prayers we can get." I smiled a little. I looked at the pictures on the walls. "There are so many memories on these walls. I think we need to add some more." I knew that going home was going to be a way for me to get current pictures of our family.

"Here you are. It's not too much." Aunt Mary set a plate down in front of me. "Are you driving or flying?"

"Driving; I'm going to drive down the coast for as far as I can. I need the peaceful drive." I finished eating, said good night, and then went upstairs to pack. My phone rang. "Hello?"

"Cailín, he's awake." It was Sam. "It looks like he'll be able to go home tomorrow afternoon."

"That's great news, Sam." I tried to sound happy, but I don't think it was working. "I'm driving home tomorrow. I'm going down the coast for a little ways. I've got to finish packing. I'll call you when I get there, alright?"

"Cailín, don't beat yourself up over this; don't blame yourself for this. Screw what Mac and Danny might think. This was NOT your fault. Have a safe trip and call me when you get there. Let me know what's going on, okay?" I could hear Don in the back ground; it about ripped my heart out.

"I will. Night, Sam." I hung up before she could say anything else. I couldn't stand to hear his voice at the moment. He had wanted to talk to me; I could hear that much. I finished packing and then went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

_Don's POV _

"Cailín, don't beat yourself up over this; don't blame yourself for this. Screw what Mac and Danny might think. This was NOT your fault. Have a safe trip and call me when you get there. Let me know what's going on, okay?" Samantha was talking to Cailín and I had tried to get her to give me the phone.

"She hung up already, Don." Sam looked at me.

"What?"

"Be honest, Don, do you blame her for this?"

"No. Why would I? Anderson was bad news. We've gotten so many complaints about him over the years; it was only a matter of time before he pulled something like this." I watched Sam's facial expression. "What's going on with Cailín?"

"She's heading home in the morning. Her father's had a heart attack."

"I know that. I mean… about all this?"

"I don't know. She's definitely blaming herself for this. Mac and Danny didn't help with that at all. You should have seen the way Mac looked at her when she asked him if she could go home to be with her dad." Her jaw tightened. "Besides you, I've never wanted to hit a cop so bad in my entire life!"

"Is she going to be alright?" I asked.

"She's pretty down right now." Eric walked into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, a little sore, but that's to be expected. How are you holding up?"

"Well, considering the fact that some crazy guy tried to kill you and my cousin tonight… after the initial shock, I think I'm doing alright. I just wish I could say the same about Cailín." He looked at Sam and then back at me. "Saying that she blames herself is an understatement. She wishes that it was her lying in that bed instead of you, Don."

"What good would that do? Even if I knew what was happening, I still would have taken the bullet for her." I didn't understand Cailín.

"And she feels that she should have been the one who was shot… I mean really shot, not just a grazing. And now with her father… she's sinking deep. I haven't seen her this down since Patrick's death back when she was in college."

"Patrick?" I asked. I looked at Sam who only shrugged her shoulders.

"Her fiancé. It was their senior year, two weeks before graduation and three months before their wedding; they were hit by a drunk driver while walking home from the library one night."

"Oh, yeah, she was talking about that at lunch a few weeks ago. She didn't mention a name. Patrick had managed to step between her and the car so he got the worst of it. She said she had to force his lifeless body off of her in order to be able to breath. She said that she barely made it to graduation." I looked at Sam and then at Eric. Cailín had never mentioned any of this to me; granted we weren't really talking then.

"Yeah, we thought the worst was over after graduation but we were wrong. She had seemed to be doing fine until the wedding date grew closer. She had locked herself in her room for the entire month. It wasn't until Jason, Lacey, Uncle Andrew, and I broke in and forced her to go outside that she finally seemed to pull herself out of whatever darkness had consumed her. I'm just worried that with her father's heart attack on top of this incident she's going to slip back into that darkness. This time I don't think she'll come out of it too easily." Eric went into a little more detail about Patrick and then Matt. I asked about the high school boyfriend she had mentioned earlier. "Let's not talk about _him_." He practically hissed. "He's in jail where he should be. If he wasn't in jail, Jason and I would be." Just then Mac and Danny walked in.

"Hey, look who's awake." Danny smiled. "Leave it to you to go to a hockey game and get shot." He joked but I don't think anyone found it funny at the moment.

"What were you thinking?" Mac looked at me.

"Excuse me? None of us knew what was happening until it was too late. After hitting the ice, I don't remember a thing that happened. I remember hearing the noises but nothing was making sense." I sat straighter. I had heard Cailín shouting at me and telling me that I wasn't allowed to die but I wasn't going to mention specifics.

"Did you know Anderson was going to be at the game? Did you know he was following Cailín?" Mac asked. I couldn't understand where this was coming from.

"No. Cailín didn't mention anything about a guy to me until we were waiting for the game to start. It wasn't until half-time that either one of us knew he was at the game. I didn't know it was Anderson until she pointed him out in the stands. Neither one of us knew what was going on until it was too late." I glared at him. "What are you getting at? Do you think that Cailín had something to do with this?"

"It's too soon to tell." Eric was fuming.

"She had nothing to do with this! She just had drinks with the wrong guy. If you ever talk about my cousin like that again…"

"Eric, don't." Sam laid a hand on his chest, keeping him from getting in Mac's face. I couldn't blame him though.

"I'm telling you now, Mac, Cailín McClanahan doesn't have it in her. She's tough and if it came down to it, she'd kill to defend herself or those she cares about, but she doesn't have it in her to commit murder or even conspire to commit murder."

"Mac, Cailín wouldn't hurt my brother in any way." Sam stated.

"How can you be so sure?" Danny asked.

"Because she's been in love with him since we were kids!" The room grew silent and then Sam realized what she'd just said. "Granted she hadn't spoken to him since she was twelve… She's lost her mom, her fiancé, an ex-boyfriend, and now her father is dying… she has seen too much death to even think about committing something like this. She's blaming herself enough for all of us; you two don't need to add to it. Jerks." Sam headed out of the room after that.

"Unless you've changed your mind about Cailín's 'involvement' in this, you can leave. Now!" I looked at Danny and Mac. My hands were clenched into fists and my jaw tight. I had to keep from yelling at them. Even though we'd hardly spent any time together, I knew I was already falling for Cailín. The problem now was that, even if Sam was right, Cailín wouldn't be speaking to me for a while. I didn't expect to hear from her while she was home and I wasn't expecting to hear from her when she got back. Eric was right; she was sinking into the darkness. I heard it in her voice when she told me about her father and that she had to go home for a few weeks. I heard it in her voice when she said "good-bye."

"I'm sorry, Don. I didn't mean to react like that. I didn't mean for Cailín, or anyone else, to get the impression that I thought that Cailín was to blame for any of this. I know she's not." Danny said before leaving.

"Don,…"

"Mac, unless you're going to say the same thing Danny just did, I don't want to hear it. Cailín is a very good friend of mine; believe it or not. Jason, Eric, and I grew up together. Cailín is the kid sister of one of my friends… I will defend and protect her till the day I die."

"That was almost today."

"Mac, don't." He left after that and I laid there and thought about how Cailín must be feeling. It was probably only because of the drugs and exhaustion that I was able to sleep at all.

_Cailín's POV_

I woke up before the sun and loaded the stuff into my car. As I was about to pull out, I noticed Danny standing behind the car. I rolled down my window and he came up to me.

"Cailín, you should talk to Don before you leave."

"Why?" I wasn't about to go back to that hospital.

"He and Mac got into it last night. Eric and Sam were in it too for a little while."

"And your point is what? That my talking to Don will make things better? Maybe if Mac didn't believe I had something to do with what happened then maybe there wouldn't have been an argument last night."

"Mac doesn't think you had anything to do with what happened…"

"That's a lie and you know it. If Mac didn't think I had anything to do with what happened then he wouldn't have talked or looked at me the way he did. It's best if Don stays away from me… I only seem to bring bad luck to people. First Patrick, then Matt, and now Don… maybe it's just time to face the fact that I'm not meant to be with anyone. What Sam said last night is true: I have been in love with Don since we were kids… but that doesn't change anything. How I feel means crap; it won't change the way things are." I looked straight ahead; fighting the tears. I'd shed enough last night as I tried to fall asleep. I had thought about a lot of things, especially after Sam called me and told me what happened at the hospital and what she had let slip. I hadn't been too upset with her; in fact, it had been somewhat of a relief. Now Don knew; but now it had become even more of a point for me to stay away from him.

"Still, screw what Mac thinks. Cailín, believe it or not, Don needs you in his life. He…"

"I won't believe that, especially not after yesterday. Please, Danny, I need to go home." I tried to leave.

"Is there nothing I can say to make you stop by the hospital? Are you really that stubborn?" He placed his hand over mine. I looked at him; my resolve nearly faded.

"I'm sorry, Danny. I've said my good-bye to him last night." A tear ran down my cheek. "I really need to go. It's going to be a long day." He nodded and then stepped back. After getting on the road I needed to be on I turned on the music and my Bluetooth. I called Jason to let him know I was on my way. I thought about yesterday and what Danny had said to me this morning. _Cailin, believe it or not, Don needs you in his life. He…_ I had cut Danny off; I wasn't really in the mood to hear what he had to say about Don. After a while I decided that I needed a break so I pulled into a park near the ocean. As soon as I stepped out of the car my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID… it was Don. I didn't answer.


	7. Chapter 7

_Don's POV_

I had gotten home from the hospital earlier than originally thought. Danny had stopped by early and waited around to give me a ride home. "I can't stop thinking about her, Messer." I said into the silence of the car on the way home.

"I stopped by the pub this morning before going to the hospital. I stood behind her car when she was about to back up."

"Did she say anything?"

"I told her that she should go to the hospital before she left. She didn't think that that was a good idea and she asked why. I told her about the argument you and Mac had last night; apparently, Sam had told her." He looked over at me.

"What makes you say that?"

"She knew what Sam had blurted out. She didn't look upset over it; in fact, she looked kind of indifferent to the whole thing. Though she did say that it wouldn't make a difference how she felt; that it wouldn't change the way things are. She said that she thinks it's best if you stay away from her; that she stays away from you. She feels like she only brings bad luck and that what happened last night only further proves that she's not meant to be with anyone." He pulled in front of my apartment building.

"Did she mention why she feels that way?" I got out of the car.

"Something about Patrick, Matt, and then with you…" Danny looked a little confused.

"Her fiancé, Patrick, was killed in a car accident three months before the wedding, her ex-boyfriend, Matt, was killed in a car accident a few days ago, and I could have been killed last night. She wasn't with the ex-boyfriend when the accident happened. She was here in New York… why does she think that has anything to do with anything?" That last question was more to myself than to Danny.

"Maybe her going home will help her figure things out." He followed me into my apartment. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I think I'm good for now. Thanks, Messer. Just to let you know; I really don't feel like talking to Mac at the moment, so if he asks…"

"I understand. I'll just tell him you're tired and want to be left alone." He left and I locked the door behind him. As soon as I laid my cell on the counter it went off. I looked at the caller ID.

"Hey, sis." It was Sam.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Lindsay said you went home early."

"I'm sore and tired but that's to be expected with a gunshot wound. Have you talked to her?" I knew she'd know who I was referring to.

"Not since last night when I called her after I left the hospital. She's more upset with the fact that Mac thinks she had something to do with what happened than the fact that I let that secret slip. Actually, she wasn't really upset with me at all. She's closing down; shutting people out. I was talking with Eric last night, he said this is the same thing that happened after Patrick and also after she found out Matt was cheating. She's gone to psychologists but they only say that she takes things like that harder than other people. They didn't think she had depression or anything serious. I just hope her father is going to be alright. There's no telling what she'll be like when she comes back—if she comes back—if he dies." I had thought the same thing while I tried to sleep last night.

"Is there any chance that she'll talk to me?" I had to ask.

"Probably not; at least, not right now. Give it time." Sam tried to assure me that Cailín would come to her senses and pull through this. After she hung up I thought about what to do next. I looked at the clock. 10:30 am. Danny said that she left the city before the sun was up. She'd be half way home if she went the coastline. I decided to give her a call.

"Hey, this is Cailín Star McClanahan. Sorry, I can't take your call right now but if you leave your name and number I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. Have a great day!" Her voicemail, great.

"Hey, Cai, it's Don." I used a nickname I used to use when we were kids. "I'm home from the hospital. Danny said that he mentioned the argument I had with Mac yesterday… I don't blame you. I know you didn't have anything to do with the shooting. I'm not really speaking to Mac right now. Cai, I hope things aren't going to be weird between us when you get back. We'll talk then. Say hello to your family for me. I hope your dad will be okay. Bye." I hung up and leaned against the wall.


	8. Chapter 8

_Cailín's POV_

"Hey, Cai, it's Don." When he used that nickname it caught me off guard. "I'm home from the hospital. Danny said that he mentioned the argument I had with Mac yesterday… I don't blame you. I know you didn't have anything to do with the shooting. I'm not really speaking to Mac right now. Cai, I hope things aren't going to be weird between us when you get back. We'll talk then. Say hello to your family for me. I hope your dad will be okay. Bye." I sat on a bench and listened to the message at least three times. I guess he didn't think that things were already weird between us. After the game yesterday (before the shooting) and then with what Sam blurted out at the hospital (which I'm glad I wasn't there for)… things were going to be weird between Don and I. There was no getting around that fact. After thinking about the message I decided it was time to hit the road again. I was about half way home but it still seemed like forever.

"Hey, Sam, it's Cailín. Just calling to let you know I made it home. Could you let everyone know? Thanks a bunch. I'll see you in a few weeks. I can't really talk now, but seeing how you're not answering… I'll try again later or just give me a call when you get this." I called Sam as we were waiting for a table at a restaurant.

"What's up with you and Don?" Jason looked at me.

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"You went to the game with him yesterday. Was it a date?"

"No. It was two friends going to a hockey game. I had invited the others but they were all busy. Maybe if Mac had been there he wouldn't think I had anything to do with the shooting." I mumbled the last part but I knew Jason heard me by the look he gave.

"What exactly happened? Eric wouldn't go into details and neither would Don." The hostess led us to our table.

"You talked to Don?" I looked up from the menu.

"Yeah, this afternoon before you got here. He said that he called you but you didn't answer. I know it wasn't because you were driving… that's why you have the Bluetooth. That's why I asked what's going on between you two."

"Just forget about it Jase. All of it, besides I'm not going into details while we're waiting for dinner and Sarah is right here. She doesn't need to hear the details." I watched my niece as she colored on the paper table covering. We ordered our meals and then chatted about nothing too heavy the rest of dinner. We stopped by the Naval base hospital to check in on Dad.

"Hey, there's my beautiful Star." He said when I walked into the room.

"Hey, Da." I went over and hugged him.

"Jason didn't tell me you were coming." He looked at Jason.

"I didn't mention it because I wanted it to be a surprise, besides I knew you'd protest." Jason smiled. We all knew that last part was true. Jason also had failed to mention that I'd been shot last night, which I really wasn't complaining about because it was one less thing Dad had to worry about.

"Uncle Rick and everyone send their love. Don Flack, Jr. says hello and so does Samantha."

"Oh, so you've rekindled something with that Flack boy, have you?" I had to shake my head at my father.

"No, Da, Don and I are friends. He's a detective with the NYPD now. Sam's working as a journalist in the PR department. She helped me get the photographer job there." Jason started laughing. "And what do you find funny?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

"You and Don. The two of you couldn't see each other if you two were the only people in the room. I don't know how many times Sam, Eric, and I tried to get the two of you together. Every time we failed, but it wasn't because we didn't try. We did everything but make it obvious."

"Oh, Sam made it obvious. I knew what you guys were up to. It didn't work because _he_ didn't get it. Then when mom died…" I shook my head; now was not the time to bring that up. "Don and I are nothing but friends. Even if I wanted things to be different…"

"How long are you home fore, Star?" Dad changed the subject.

"Two weeks." I looked at Jason; I hadn't mentioned the time frame or why there was a time frame. "I may be able to stay longer if you need me too, I'll just have to check with work." It was not exactly the truth and I hated lying to my father but I didn't want him worrying about anything but getting better. "How are you feeling, Da?"

"I've been better. Don't worry about me, Cailín Star." I he pulled me down so he could kiss my forehead. "You guys go home and get some rest. I want to talk with your sister." He looked at Jason, Lacey, and Sarah (who was asleep). They stepped out of the room and I noticed Jason say something to Lacey. She took Sarah from him and headed towards the elevator. He was going to wait for me. He looked at me and nodded and then went to the waiting area.

"Da?" I looked back at my father.

"I wanted to say something to you without them hearing. I'm so proud of you; your mother would be too. I'm afraid I will be joining her soon." Tears sprang to my eyes. "Don't cry. Whatever is going on between Don and you… When I pictured your wedding, Don Flack, Jr. was always the one standing at the altar waiting for you. I don't know why but even when you and Patrick were together…"

"Da, please, don't." I couldn't stop the tears from spilling over.

"Cailín Star McClanahan, believe it or not, accept it or not, you and Don Flack are meant to be together. What's really going on?" I had turned my back to him. I didn't want to hear what he was saying; it hurt way too much.

"We were at the hockey game last night, Don and I. After the game, Eric invited us out onto the ice but then we were shot at. We're all fine, the shooter isn't—he's dead. I was grazed by a bullet, Don was hit in the shoulder, and Eric made it without a scratch. It was my fault that Don got shot." I turned to face him. "There was this guy. I only went out with him once but he was just like Paul from high school… It's my fault that people got hurt. Again."

"What do you mean 'again'?"

"With Patrick…"

"No, that was not your fault. Patrick loved you enough to die for you. The drunk driver behind the wheel was at fault, not you. Don't you ever blame yourself for that night! As for whatever happened last night: that wasn't your fault either. That guy had problems and he acted out. He's to blame, not you. I'm sure Don doesn't blame you for it."

"No, but one of his friends does. Mac Taylor, he's the director of the New York Crime Lab, he blames me for what happened. He thinks I had something to do with it. He's the one who told me I only have two weeks at home… with the investigation and everything. I guess I should be glad for those two weeks… he didn't have to let me come home at all." I laid down next to him, minding the wires. "You can't leave me, Da." He kissed the top of my head.

"I never will, Star. I will always be with you, no matter what. The doctors are giving me a week. They say that my organs are failing; my heart is giving out. The truth is… my heart is breaking. Honestly, it's been breaking ever since your mom died, but I've held on for as long as I can. Now that you and your brother don't need me any longer…"

"I still need you, Daddy. Who's going to walk me down the aisle if I get married? Who's going to be there if I have kids? Who am I going to lean on when my world crashes down around me again? Who will I call when things at work are going great?"

"Star, look at me." I looked him in the eye. "You have so many people out there who love you. You have your brother and Lacey, Uncle Rick, Aunt Mary, Susan, Eric, Samantha, and Don. I will be watching over you for the rest of your life, Cailín. I will be with you through all of that, in spirit. I love you so much. You are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you. You are just like your mother in so many ways." He wiped away my tears. "No more crying; not tonight. The doctors say I can go home tomorrow. That's where I want to spend the rest of my time. I don't want to die in a hospital." I nodded.

"I need pictures of you for the pub." He smiled and nodded.

"We still have time. Go home and get some rest. Jethro is going to stay with me tonight and drive me home tomorrow morning. You look like you could use a good night's sleep." He kissed my cheek and just then Jethro walked through the doors.

"Hey, Gibbs." I hugged him and then went to find Jason.

"He told you?" Jason noticed the look on my face. I only nodded and tried to fight the tears. "Come on, let's go home. He'll be home tomorrow." He put his arm around my shoulders and we went home.

"Sam?" I called Sam when we got home.

"Hey, Cailín. How's your dad?" She asked. I thought I heard Don in the back ground.

"Not good." I fought the tears. "He said that the doctors are only giving him a week. His organs are failing—his heart's giving out."

"Oh, Cailín, I'm so sorry. Are you going to need more time at home?" She sounded like she was about to cry.

"I don't know yet. Please, Sam, don't start crying. He's supposed to be home tomorrow morning. He's going to spend the rest of the time he has at home with his family. Are you at the pub?" I could hear voices in the back ground.

"Yeah, do you want to talk to your Uncle?" She asked.

"Please." I could hear her hand the phone over to someone.

"Cailín, what's happening?" Hearing his voice made me want to cry again.

"Uncle Rick, I think you should get down here as soon as you can. He's not going to…" A lump formed in my throat. I told him what I had just told Sam.

"I'll have someone keep the pub open. I'll leave first thing tomorrow. Here's Sam again." He handed the phone back to Sam.

"Hey, do you want me to come down?" I could hear Don asking for the phone.

"Not right now. I'll call you. Mac wouldn't happen to be there, would he?"

"No, he's not. Do you need his number?"

"No, I've got it. I'll call him tomorrow. Tell your brother…" I paused. "Tell him I'm sorry I missed his call earlier. Tell him not to call me again for a while."

"Cailín, I think you should talk to him." She replied.

"I can't. Not right now. Good night, Sam. I'll talk to you later." I hung up before she could respond. I looked up at the moon. The night seemed so peaceful, so calm. I just wished my heart felt the same.

_Don's POV_

"Hey, Cailín. How's your dad?" I heard Sam say her name. I tried to get her to give me the phone. She was listening to what Cailín was saying. "Oh, Cailín, I'm so sorry. Are you going to need more time at home?" From that I figured that her father wasn't doing so well. "Yeah, do you want to talk to your Uncle?" After a second she handed the phone to Rick.

"Cailín, what's happening?" As he listened to his niece, his face grew sullen. "I'll have someone keep the pub open. I'll leave first thing tomorrow. Here's Sam again."

"Hey, do you want me to come down?" I tried to get Sam to give me the phone again. "No, he's not. Do you need his number?" I guessed that Cailín had asked if Mac was here. Sam waited as Cailín said something. "Cailín, I think you should talk to him." Now I was confused. I wish I could have heard what Cailín had said. She hung up.

"What's up, Sam?" Lindsay asked.

"Cailín's dad isn't expected to live for more than a week. The doctors said that his organs are failing—his heart is giving out."

"Is she going to need more time?" Danny asked.

"She's not sure. She said that she's going to call Mac tomorrow. She's taking this hard… really hard." She looked at me. There was something she wasn't saying.

"He's going to spend the rest of his time at home with the family. I'm leaving tomorrow. Susan, Eric, and Mary are going to follow the day after." Rick was looking at some pictures on the wall above the booth Cailín always sat in. "His heart giving out was to be expected. He hasn't been the same since his wife died. Now that Cailín and Jason are grown he feels that if he dies now, they'll be alright. Cailín is going to take this hard. She's a daddy's girl through and through." He was staring at a picture of Cailín and her father when she was about 10.

"Samantha, what weren't you saying back there?" I asked as we left the pub.

"Cailín said to tell you that she's sorry she missed your call earlier."

"And?" There was more to it than that.

"That she doesn't want you to call her again… not for a while." I looked at her in disbelief.

"Did she say why?"

"No, she didn't. Don, maybe it's best to leave her be for a little while. At least wait until she gets back. Good night, Don." I heard her lock her door and then I headed home. I stopped and looked up at the moon. It was a calm night… I wish I felt the same. I couldn't stop thinking about Cailín and the way her voice sounded when she said good-bye to me at the hospital last night. I pictured her smiling face and the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. I didn't realize how much I wanted to hear her laugh again until I couldn't. I never realized how much I missed her being around until she wasn't anymore. I kept trying to tell myself that she wasn't my type and maybe if I told myself enough times I start to believe it again. I decided that I'd try my best to forget about how she made me feel. It was time to start dating again… this time instead of dating to forget Jessica; I'd date to forget Cailín.


	9. Chapter 9

_Cailín's POV_

I waited for Gibbs and Dad to get home. I was sitting in front of the window when they pulled in the driveway. "They're here!" I called out before going outside to help. "Morning, Da."

"Morning, my shining Star." He kissed my cheek. Jason came out.

"We've set up the guest room downstairs, Da." Lacey followed her husband. I started taking pictures; I didn't want to miss anything. I took a group shot of Lacey, Jason, Sarah, and Dad. Then Gibbs took one of all of us. Those were definitely going up in the pub. By the time Dad reached the guest room, he was out of breath. I wasn't sure I could handle watching my father die.

"Lacey, do you know what you're having yet?" Dad asked. Lacey placed a hand on her stomach.

"It's a boy." Jason beamed with pride at the admission of having a son. "He's name is going to be Andrew Jason."

"Thank you." Dad knew that they were honoring his life by naming their son after him. Sarah came running in and jumped up on the bed next to her grandfather. I continued to take pictures. We chatted for a little while until we noticed that Dad was getting tired. "I think I'll take a little nap." We left the room. I sat at the dining room table and worked on some of the assignments that my boss had given me. I finished one assignment and then decided I should probably call Mac. I was dreading that phone call.

"Mac Taylor." He answered on the second ring.

"Detective Taylor, this is Cailín McClanahan." I paused.

"What can I do for you, Ms. McClanahan." I could hear Danny and Lindsay in the background.

"I need more time." I stepped outside and tried not to burst into tears.

"How much time?" He sounded cold. He's probably not nearly as cold as he sounds… I can't picture Danny, Lindsay, or Don being friends with someone that had a heart of ice.

"The doctors only gave him a week left. His organs are failing—his heart's giving out. I'm not sure how long. At least another week. He's home now; he's spending the rest of the time he has with family. He wants to be cremated…" It was hard to hold back the tears. Suddenly, I heard a scream come from the house. I whipped around and noticed Lacey in a ball on the floor. I looked for Jason… he had just come out of Dad's room. We locked eyes and in that moment I knew. I dropped the cell phone and then the ground came rushing at me.

"Cailín? Are you there?" Mac's voice was faint. He sounded concern. "What's happened?" As if my body were working on its own I picked up the phone.

"He's gone." Everything was happening in slow motion. "He's gone." I repeated. Just then I heard car doors slam out front. Uncle Rick came through the front door. Jason was the first to reach me. He took the phone from me.

"This is Cailín's brother, Jason. Who is this?" I heard him but nothing was making any sense.

"Detective Mac Taylor with the New York Crime Lab. What's going on?" My sense of hearing seemed to be stronger than ever right now… but nothing was making any sense.

"You're the one who only gave her two weeks to be at home? Our father has just passed away."

"No. No. No. NO!" I wanted to crawl into a dark corner and never come out. I heard the sirens of an ambulance getting louder. I could see the paramedics enter the house and then the guest room. I made my way forward. I guessed Jason was still on the phone with Mac. I watched them check dad's pulse. "Daddy, no." Tears streamed down my cheeks. They called time of death, lifted him on a stretcher, covered him with the sheet and wheeled him out to the ambulance. One of the paramedics then talked to Uncle Rick and Aunt Mary about something.

"We need to go down to the funeral home and schedule the viewing." Aunt Mary said. I nodded.

"He wanted cremated. He's wants to be but with Mom back in New York." I replied. I was trying to focus. Jason came in and handed me my phone.

"Detective Taylor said to tell you to take all the time you need." Jason pulled Lacey against him.

"Aunt Cailín?" I looked down at Sarah. I knelt down and hugged her. She knew what was happening; it wasn't long ago that Lacey's father had died. I stood up with her arms still around my neck.

"I should call Sam." I said. Jason nodded and I handed Sarah to him. I went back outside and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Sam?" I took a deep breath.

"Cailín, what's happened?" She already knew something had happened. I'm guessing I didn't even try to mask the sound of my voice.

"He died. My father's gone." I said as another wave of tears flowed down my cheeks.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Do need me to do anything?"

"Tell me that it'll be alright; tell me that everything will be alright."

"Everything is going to be alright, you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you have a ton of family and friends who love and support you; you are not going to go through this alone." That comment made me feel better.

"Should I call him?" I asked. I knew that I wanted to and that I probably should, but I didn't think that I could.

"If you want to; if you think you can handle it." She said.

"I want to… I need to… but I don't think I can. My heart can't take it."

"Do what you think is right. Call me if you need anything. I'll stop by the pub on my way home and let Julia know." Sam hung up. I thought about what Dad had said last night about me being strong enough to handle whatever life would throw at me. I thought about what he'd said about Don and I being meant to be together. I dialed Don's number.

"Don Flack." He answered on the fifth ring.

"…" I couldn't speak. I knew what I needed to say but no sound came out.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" He sounded annoyed.

"Don…" It was barely audible. I cleared my throat. "Don, it's Cailín."

"Cailín, we need to go." Jason poked his head out. I nodded and started for the house.

"Cailín?" Don sounded surprised to hear from me. He sounded surprised and a tad bit annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I just…" I tried to think of the words as tears threatened to surface again. "Da's…" A sob escaped. "He's…" I couldn't form words. "I have to go. They're waiting for me." I hung up and the women headed to the funeral home while the men headed to the hospital.

_Don's POV_

I had been sitting at the diner, flirting with one of the waitresses when my phone rang. "Don Flack."

"…" All I could hear was breathing.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" I was a little annoyed.

"Don…" I barely heard my name. Whoever it was cleared their throat. "Don, it's Cailín." I couldn't believe my ears. I could have sworn that she didn't want to talk to me for a while.

"Cailín, we need to go." I could hear Jason in the back ground.

"Cailín?" I had to make sure I wasn't hearing things.

"I'm sorry. I just…" She sounded off. "Da's…" My heart stopped when I heard her cry. "He's…" She was struggling. "I have to go. They're waiting for me." She hung up before I could say anything. I shot up from the booth, leaving a twenty behind, and darted for my car. I called Samantha and she told me what happened. After I hung up with her, Mac called.

"What do you want?" I was still a little pissed at him.

"Cailín called me earlier. Then I talked with her brother. Her father just died." He sounded distraught. That was different.

"I know." I tried not to sound too angry with him. "I just talked to Sam. Cailín called me but she didn't say much."

"I'm sorry about last night, Don. I get that way sometimes, especially when one of my friends gets hurt." He sounded sincere. I knew Mac could be intense at times, but the fact that he accused Cailín… that had made me intense. "I released her from any time restraints. She's allowed to take all the time she needs at home. What are you going to do?"

"I'm already on my way there. I've stopped by the precinct and cleared it with Wallace to take some personal days. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there… I just know she needs me. I'm picking Sam up on the way and then we're swinging by the pub to let them know."

"Good luck. Tell Cailín that I'm sorry about the way I reacted and I'm sorry about her father. We'll see you when you get back." He hung up. I reached Sam's work soon after and then we swung by the pub. Sam ran in and told them what happened and Julia (the other bar manager) called Rick. We headed to Jason's house after that.

"They're probably still at the funeral home." Sam said as we pulled into the driveway and noticed that nobody was home. A few minutes later, Jason, Eric, and Rick pulled in.

"What are you two doing here?" Jason asked when we got out of the car.

"We figured you could use more support." Sam responded. She hugged Jason and Rick, but she clung to Eric. Interesting.

"The way Cailín was talking yesterday… do you think she wants you here, Don?" Jason asked.

"I don't know, but I'm here whether she wants me here or not." I replied. We headed inside and were sitting around the living room when the women walked through the door.


	10. Chapter 10

_Cailín's POV_

We had finished at the funeral home and then picked up something to for dinner. No one felt like cooking. When we pulled into the driveway I noticed a familiar car. My heart stopped. We walked into the house and the guys were already home but there were two additions. Sam and Don.

"What are you two doing here?" Susan asked what I wanted to but couldn't.

"They figured we could use more support." Eric replied. He and Sam seemed to be very close, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Don.

"Cai…" He walked towards me. I could feel everyone watching us but I could only see him. He placed his free hand on my cheek and with that touch, my resolve vanished. I looked him in the eyes and then ran out of the room. I couldn't face him. I headed outside and out of view from everyone. "Cailín?" He had followed me.

"Did I ask you to come? Did I say anything on the phone that gave you the impression that I wanted you here?" I wasn't angry; I was touched that he had come but I couldn't and wouldn't let my guard down. I couldn't let him show how I truly felt.

"No, but it's not what you said… it's what you didn't say. It was how you said it." He stepped in front of me. "Tell me the truth: was Sam right last night?"

"Was Sam right about what?" I knew what he was asking.

"Have you been in love with me since we were kids?" I looked him in the eye.

"Things change. People change. That was then." My face was stern. I was hoping that nothing in my eyes betrayed what I was trying to say.

"So was she right?" Didn't he get it?

"She was right in saying that I had been in love with you since we were kids, but things change; people change. That was then." My gaze didn't waiver but my heart shattered. I only had myself to blame for this. "Things are different now. I'm not that naïve little girl anymore. I'm sorry you drove all the way down here. I'm sorry for everything." I turned and went back into the house. When I walked back into the living room there was a new face… well, a face I hadn't seen in a while.

"Hey, Cailín." He looked different in casual clothes. I was so used to seeing him in uniform.

"Harm, what are you doing here?" He hugged me. He was probably one of the only relationships I'd been in that wasn't a complete mistake. We had ended as friends when we both realized that we were both longing for someone else. "How's Mac?"

"Jason called me. Mac's doing well. She'll be here tomorrow. She had to finish a report on a case. How are you holding up?" He still had an arm wrapped around my waist when Don walked in. The room grew silent. I knew Harm could tell that I stiffened by the look he gave me.

"Who's this?" Don looked Harm over; there was an expression on his face I couldn't quite believe.

"Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. He's a friend of the family." Jason said. He looked at me with an unspoken question. I ignored him. Harm seemed to sense something and squeezed my side.

"Ahh!" It slipped out. I instinctually moved away from his hand.

"Cailín, what's wrong." Harm looked at me. He lifted up the side of my t-shirt and saw the white gauze. "What happened?" I looked down at it and saw splotches of red seeping through.

"Excuse me." I made my way to the bathroom.

"You didn't answer me." I could hear Harm following. He stopped the bathroom door with his hand when I tried to close it in his face.

"I was shot two nights ago. Okay, it was a grazing…" He lifted up that side of the t-shirt again. He then began to peel the gauze off. "Ow!"

"Some of the stitches have come out. Didn't the doctor tell you to take it easy?" Harm took a damp washcloth and started to gently wipe at the wound.

"Yes, but under the circumstances…" I really didn't want to go into details right now. Lacey came in and stitched me back up; she's a nurse.

"I hope that guy's in jail." Harm muttered.

"He's dead." I said through clenched teeth. "Don and I were at a hockey game. He was shot in the shoulder… I got a graze. The shooter is dead. Too many people in my life are dying…" I trailed off as I tried to fight another flow of tears. I pushed past Harm and went upstairs. I couldn't deal with it anymore.

_Don's POV_

"She was right in saying that I had been in love with you since we were kids, but things change; people change. That was then." Her gaze didn't waiver, but it felt like I'd been stabbed with a sharp knife. "Things are different now. I'm not that naïve little girl anymore. I'm sorry you drove all the way down here. I'm sorry for everything." I watched her walk back into the house. I stood frozen for several minutes, not really sure what to make of it. When I walked back inside and entered the living there was some guy holding onto her.

"Who's this?" I asked. I knew jealousy was probably written on my face. This guy and Cailín seemed a little too close for me.

"Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. He's a friend of the family." Jason replied. He looked at Cailín; he wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Ahh!" She yelped when the Harmon guy squeezed her side. He lifted her shirt up and asked about the bandage. I hadn't even seen what had happened to her. All I knew was that she had been grazed by a bullet the other night and I only knew that because of what everyone else had said.

"Who is that guy?" I asked when he followed her into the bathroom.

"He's a friend of the family. He is also an ex-boyfriend of hers." I looked at Jason.

"Is he Navy?" I was curious.

"Yes, he's a lawyer with the Judge Advocate General's court. He used to be a Top Gun until a crash left him with night blindness."

"Who's Mac?" Sam asked. I was confused. "They were talking about a 'Mac'."

"Major Sarah McKenzie. She's a lawyer with J.A.G. a well. You'll meet her tomorrow." Lacey replied when she came back from the bathroom. She and Jason exchanged a look. Just then Cailín ran upstairs. Harm came back into the room.

"You must be Don?" He looked at me.

"Yeah?" I wondered what Cailín had said to him.

"So what exactly happened the other night?" Harm looked between me and Eric. I told him what I knew and then Eric filled in the rest. "She's having a hard time dealing with everything."

"She's been through so much over the years; so many people in her life have died. Our mom, Patrick, Matt, that shooter, and now Dad…" Jason put his head in his hands.

"It'll be a miracle if she pulls herself out of this." Eric commented. I sank into an empty seat.

"What did she say to you, Don?" Sam looked at me.

"She said that things change; people change…" I felt like a weight had settled over me and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to carry it.

"She's scared. Right now her world is crashing down around her… again. She doesn't want to let anyone in. She doesn't want to show that she cares; she's afraid that if she does that person is going to leave her too." Jason looked at me with understanding in his eyes. Cailín was shutting everybody out; not just me. "I just hope she'll pull out of this."

"Where's Sarah?" Lacey asked. I don't think any of us had notice that the little girl wasn't in the room.


	11. Chapter 11

_Cailín's POV_

"Aunt Cailín, are you alright?" I heard my niece's voice and then felt her weight on the bed. "Are you and that Don guy having a fight?"

"It's more complicated than that, sweetie." She laid beside me.

"I think he likes you." Sarah smiled at me.

"Of course he does, we're friends." I brushed her bangs out of her face.

"No, I mean I think he like likes you."

"What makes you think that?" I couldn't help but smile at her choice of words.

"He came all the way from New York, didn't he? He followed you outside earlier."

"He's a friend who cares. He didn't just come for me; he's your dad's friend too." She wiped away a tear that was running down my cheek.

"Is Daddy going to die too?" Her face grew sad.

"Not any time soon, sweetheart. Grandda's heart was weak. It had been for a long time. Your Daddy's not going anywhere." My heart broke for her.

"Ever since Grandma died?" Jason had told her about the grandmother she never knew.

"Yes, ever since your Grandma died. I wasn't much older than you when she died." I told her more about my mother; things that Jason probably didn't know. My mom and I had been close; we were always doing stuff together. I was always a "daddy's girl" but I loved spending time with my mom.

"Daddy says you look like her; he says that you have her spirit." She furrowed her brow. "What does that mean?"

"It means that we act a like. I'm a strong woman she like she was. I didn't let other people bring me down. I stood up for myself and what I believed in. But I guess it also could mean that I have her spirit living in me just like I have my daddy's spirit living in me." I pictured my father lying in that hospital bed promising me that he would be with me no matter what. "Would you like to see some pictures of your grandparents?"

"I already have."

"Well, I'm sure you've never seen some of the ones I have. I don't even think your dad has seen them." I replied. She popped up with a huge smile on her face.

"Then let's go show them to everyone!" She laughed. It was contagious.

"Alright." I got up and made sure I didn't look like the walking dead.

"Aunt Cailín?" She took my hand in hers.

"Yes, sweetie?" I looked down at her. She looked concerned.

"Are you going to be sad anymore?" She looked up at me; her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"Let's just say that I'm always going to miss my daddy but I won't always be as sad as I am now. It's just that I haven't been able to say good-bye to him yet."

"Okay." She paused. "Aunt Cailín?" I smiled a little. She was so full of questions; just like I had been at her age.

"Yes?"

"Do you like Don?" She thought a moment. "I mean, do you like like him?" This time I thought for a moment. I knelt down to her level.

"Sweetheart, listen to me. Whatever I feel for Don… well, it's not important right now. It's more important that we remember Grandda. Don and I…"

"But isn't how you feel important too because acting on it can also remember Grandda?" I was speechless. I looked at this little girl and saw my daddy in her eyes. "So if you like like him, then shouldn't you say something? Didn't your daddy teach you to be honest?" I smiled.

"Yes, he did." I kissed her forehead. "You are so much like your Grandda." She squeezed my hand and then opened the door. I paused.

"Are you coming?" She was standing in the hallway but still had a hold of my hand.

"Yes, I'm coming." I took a deep breath and then we headed downstairs.

"Sarah, where have you been?" Lacey asked when Sarah entered the living room. I had gone to hook my computer to the television.

"I was with Aunt Cailín." She sounded like it was nothing special. "She's in the family room. Mr. Don?"

"Yes?" I heard Don answer. He sounded unsure of what she was going to say.

"You should go talk to Aunt Cailín. Now, before she's ready for us." Sarah was so much like my father and Jason it wasn't funny. I could hear footsteps on the hardwood floors. I took a deep breath and waited for Don to enter the room.

"Cailín?" It wasn't the voice I expected.

"Jonathan? What are you…? How did you…?" If Jason knew that Jonathan was here… I was trying to figure out how he'd gotten in the house without alerting Jason.

"How are you?" He stepped forward and I stepped back.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in the house?" Chills were running up and down my spine.

"I heard what happened and I came to see you." He didn't answer the second question but I was starting to think that I didn't want to know. He stepped forward again. I was backed against a wall. I hoped that someone, anyone, would walk into the room right now. He closed the remaining space.

"I suggest you leave, now. I don't want any trouble." I tried to get him to back off but it didn't work. He placed at hand lightly around my throat. "If Jason finds out that you're here…" His grip started to tighten. The tighter it got the more I tried to fight. I must have done enough thrashing because before I knew what was happening, Jonathan was thrown against another wall and I was on the floor gasping for air.

"Jason, get in here!" I heard Don's voice and then a lot of footsteps heading this direction. "Cailín? Are you alright?" Don was at my side.

"I'm fine." I coughed and tried to steady myself. My voice was harsh from the lack of air and when I looked into Don's eyes all I could see was worry and fear. He helped me to my feet. I could hear Lacey on the phone with the police. Jason and Eric had Jonathan cornered; he wasn't going anywhere.

"Are you alright?" Harm came over to me. Don stepped back and when he did I nearly fell over. I don't think either one of us realized how much I was using him for support. Harm caught me.

"I'm alright." I said as he led me to the couch. A few minutes later, the police had arrived and were questioning us. After the police had taken our statements and collected evidence, they arrested Jonathan and then left. "Harm, you can go. I'm sure you'll be back tomorrow with Mac."

"You bet. I should get going; Mac will think I moved in. We'll see you tomorrow. She's looking forward to it; she had hoped it would be under different circumstances but…" I smiled at him. He kissed the top of my head before leaving. I looked over at Don.

"I'll make up the second guest room upstairs for you, Don. Sam, you can stay with Cailín." Lacey said.

"What about us?" Susan asked.

"We're staying in a hotel." Uncle Rick answered.

"Don't be ridiculous. There's plenty of room here. Eric and Susan can sleep on the pull-out couches upstairs, and Uncle Rick and Aunt Mary can have our room."

"No, Mommy, they can have my room. I'll stay with you and Daddy or Aunt Cailín. Okay?" I smiled. It had taken an eight year old to break down the walls around my heart.

"That's sounds wonderful, sweetie." Lacey smiled at her daughter. Lacey and Sarah went upstairs and found enough bedding for everyone. Everyone had settled in for the night when I knocked on Don's door.

"Cailín?" He opened the door; he was a little shocked to see me.

"Can we talk?" I was hoping he'd say 'yes', but after the things that had already been said between us I very much doubted that. He didn't say 'yes' but he did step aside to let me in.

"Sarah said that I needed to talk to you. What's up?" He leaned against the wall; indifference seeming clear on his face.

"…" Just as I was about to say something his phone rang. He looked at it.

"I have to take this, excuse me." He answered it. "Hey, Ashley, what's up?" My heart sank. "I'm sorry I had to cancel our date but an emergency popped up. Why don't I call you when I'm back in New York?" I tried not to let the hurt show. He hung up after another minute.

"Why did you ask that question earlier?" It was my turn to be indifferent and confused, but I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice. "Why did you even pretend like it would have made a difference how I felt?" Anger replaced the hurt as tears stung my eyes. "You know what? I'd rather not know. Forget I even said anything. Good night and good bye." I left the room and headed downstairs. I wasn't sure where I was going but I knew that I needed to find somewhere away from everyone else. I wasn't in the mood for any more questions tonight. I locked myself in the downstairs guest room; the one my father had been in just that morning. I laid on the bed and cried. The more I cried over Don the angrier I got and the angrier I got the more I cried.


	12. Chapter 12

_Don's POV_

"Cailín?" I was shocked to see her knocking at my door. Everyone had settled in for the night.

"Can we talk?" I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to her. After thinking about it, I stepped aside to let her in.

"Sarah said that I needed to talk to you. What's up?" I leaned against the wall and tried to look as indifferent as I could.

"…" She was just about to say something when my phone rang. I checked caller ID. It was Ashley, the waitress from the diner.

"I have to take this, excuse me." I answered it. "Hey, Ashley, what's up?" I watched Cailín's facial expression. "I'm sorry I had to cancel our date but an emergency popped up. Why don't I call you when I'm back in New York?" She whined a little but gave in. I hung up after she agreed.

"Why did you ask that question earlier?" She looked indifferent but she sounded hurt. "Why did you even pretend like it would have made a difference how I felt?" The hurt changed to anger and her eyes shined with unshed tears. "You know what? I'd rather not know. Forget I even said anything. Good night and good bye." She practically stormed out of the room. I stood there like the idiot I was. I should have seen it earlier. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, everyone seemed to know how she truly felt about me… everyone, that is, but me. I had watched her face while I was on the phone with Ashley and it was as if I had been the one holding the gun the other night; it was as if I had shot her through the heart. I can't explain it, but it was like I could see her heart shatter as her bright, blue-green eyes darkened; it was like seeing the light being extinguished. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand through my hair. To say I was confused would be an understatement. I was confused about how Cailín felt about me and about how I felt about Cailín.

"Mr. Don?" Sarah popped her head in.

"Yes?" She looked terrified.

"Where's Aunt Cailín?" She stepped into the room. "I woke up and she was gone." A tear ran down her cheek.

"I'm not sure where she went, Sarah. She might be downstairs." I suggested. It was as if someone whispered in my ear: as soon as I said "downstairs" I knew where Cailín was. "Why don't you go back to bed and I'll find her."

"I want to help you. I had a bad dream." There was no way I could say "no" to the pleading, terrified look in her eyes. I took her by the hand and we went downstairs. "The guest room?" She looked up at me questioningly. I knocked on the door. I stilled my breathing and could hear faint sobs coming from within. I really was an idiot.

"Cailín, are you in there?" I asked after I knocked again. I could still hear her sobs but she also sounded like she was moving.

"Aunt Cailín?" After a few minutes went by, Sarah spoke up. Cailín opened the door.

"Hey, Sweetie, what are you doing up?" Cailín knelt down to Sarah's level.

"I had a bad dream and when I woke up, you were gone." Sarah wrapped her arms around Cailín's neck. Cailín opened the door more and I followed her in.

"What was the dream about?" Cailín sat Sarah on the bed and then she knelt on the floor in front of her. I leaned against the wall.

"It was about you two." Sarah looked at me and then back at her aunt. "I hear you all talking about a shooting… I dreamt that Don died and Aunt Cailín you were so sad. Sadder than you are about Grandda…" She paused. "Then you left. I didn't know where you went. When I woke up you were gone."

"Oh, Sweetheart, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Will you stay here forever?"

"I can't stay here forever. But I will never be more than a phone call away." Cailín wiped Sarah's tears away.

"Why can't you stay here?"

"I have a job back in New York. I love you very much, don't you ever forget that. I'll come to visit and again, I'll never be more than a phone call away." Sarah threw her arms around her aunt. I watched the two hugging and knew that there was no possible way that I could fall any harder for Cailín. I couldn't, any longer, deny that I was in love with her. Ashley was forgotten. There would only be one woman for me; even if she didn't feel the same anymore, there would always only be one woman for me: Cailín Star McClanahan. Now I just had to tell her.

_Cailín's POV_

"… I dreamt that Don died and Aunt Cailín, you were so sad. Sadder than you are about Grandda…" Tears sprung to my eyes. "Then you left. I didn't know where you went. When I woke up you were gone."

"Oh, Sweetheart, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I tried to smile through the tears.

"Will you stay here forever?" She was so innocent.

"I can't stay here forever. But I will never be more than a phone call away." I wiped away her tears.

"Why can't you stay here?"

"I have a job back in New York. I love you very much, don't you ever forget that. I'll come to visit, and, again, I'll never be more than a phone call away." She threw her arms around me. I could feel Don watching us but at that moment I didn't care what he thought. No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep the walls around my heart when my niece was around. When she was younger, before she entered school, she'd hang with me when I went on my freelance jobs. It was easier on Jason and Lacey to know that their daughter was with someone they could trust; it was also cheaper.

"I should go back to bed." She yawned and then hopped off the bed. "I love you, Aunt Cailín. Night. No more tears."

"I love you too, Sarah. Night." I watched her exit the room and then sat on the bed. After a few minutes I laid down and curled into a ball.

"Cai?" I had forgotten that Don was still in the room. "About earlier…"

"Forget about it." I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. After a minute I felt his weight on the bed. I closed my eyes as tears tried to spill over.

"Cailín, look at me." I opened my eyes but I didn't look at him. "Fine, but I need to say something and you need to hear it." When I looked over at him, his back was to me. I studied the muscles in his back; every shadow, every curve. When I focused on the shoulder where he'd been hit, I could no longer fight the tears. He came close to dying that night… the more I thought about what could have happened the harder breathing became. He must have sensed something because he turned around. "Cailín, what is it?" He moved closer and reached towards me but I moved away. I was afraid.

"Don't, please don't." I sat up and put my back to him.

"What's the deal between you and Harm?" That question took me off guard.

"Harm is an ex-boyfriend of mine. We ended on amicable terms when we both realized that we both wanted someone else. I had sensed that he wanted Sarah McKenzie but he denied it every time I brought it up. I wasn't angry or upset with him; I knew I couldn't hold that against him when I knew deep down he wasn't who I wanted either. Deep down, I always knew who I wanted. Harm and Mac have been together for a few years now. Harm and I have remained friends." I took a deep breath. "Who's Ashley?"

"A waitress I was talking to when you called me."

"Oh. You asked her out?" I tried not to sound jealous or hurt, but I don't think I did a very good job.

"I only did because I was trying to forget about someone else."

"Are you going to go out with her?" I felt like we were in high school.

"I don't know. It really wouldn't be fair to her." We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Cailín, there's something we need to talk about; there's something I need to know." I felt him shift his weight and then lay a hand on mine. Another wave of tears surfaced. "I'd rather you looked at me. I don't want to say this to your back." I shifted to lean back against the headboard. He moved to lean across me; using his good arm for support. "No interruptions; no trying to escape."

"Alright, I'm listening." I nodded. My heart was beating a mile a minute. My hand still tingled from his touch. I was waiting for him to say something but before I knew what was happening he moved in closer. Before I could react his lips were on mine. My whole body seemed to be on fire; I had never felt a kiss so strongly, not even my first kiss. My body took over and I pulled myself closer to him. He pushed back towards the headboard and I felt him wrap his arm around my back. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever.

"Cailín…" He whispered when we finally broke apart. "I'm sorry." He stood up and I watched him leave the room. I was completely confused. Instinctually, I touched my lips. I could still feel him. Tears weld up, for the hundredth time that day. I was waiting for the day when I could no longer cry. I fought the tears and for the first time all day, I won. I vowed that I would not shed another tear for Don Flack; that not even his presence would affect me. I knew the later couldn't be stopped. Don Flack's presence had affected me ever since I realized that guys weren't annoying. Memories of my first kiss came flooding back and I was finding it hard to breath. He hadn't quite left the same way then as he did now, but he had said the exact same thing.

"Daddy, if you can hear me… you were wrong. I am meant to be alone, because the only man I could be with now doesn't want me." I laid down and closed my eyes. I could still smell Don in the room and I could still smell my dad in the room. I focused on the later and tried to sleep.

"Cailín?" Someone was shaking me. "Cailín, wake up." I opened my eyes and saw Don sitting on the bed. I turned over so that my back was to him.

"What do _you_ want?" I groaned. I looked at the clock. 3:00 am.

"I need to tell you something." He sounded tormented. Good.

"What about? The last time you said that you kissed me and then ran away." I was not in the mood for this.

"About that kiss…" He paused. He shifted his weight and I felt his heat leave my back. I turned to look at him. His head was down; he was staring at the floor but I could see enough of his face to be able to read it. He looked miserable. Part of me was glad of it, but the other part wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be alright.

"What about it?" I didn't mean to sound bitter, but I couldn't help it. I sat up and leaned against the headboard. "It was a mistake. I get that."

_Don's POV_

"Daddy, if you can hear me… you were wrong. I am meant to be alone, because the only man I could be with now doesn't want me." I had stood outside the door after I left. I hadn't meant to kiss her and I hadn't meant to leave the way I did. I could hear the anguish in her voice now and I had no one to blame for that but me. I headed towards the living room. I sat on the couch and laid my head back and stared into the dark room. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't shake that kiss. It had been more than I had ever expected it to be. Even four hours later, I could still feel her lips against mine; I could still feel the warmth of her body against mine. I had to face the fact that that kiss had sealed my life. That kiss had made the decision for me; the fact that I could still feel it so many hours later had to be a testament of the truth that Cailín and I were meant to be together. I stood up and headed toward the guest room. I quietly opened the door. She was asleep; I could hear her soft breathing. I hated to wake her, but I needed to tell her everything before I lost my nerve.

"Cailín?" I shook her lightly. "Cailín, wake up." Her eyes opened. She, then, turned over and put her back to me.

"What do _you_ want?" She groaned.

"I need to tell you something." I tried not to sound like I was tormented by something but I knew I couldn't hide it.

"What about? The last time you said that, you kissed and then ran away." I could tell she was annoyed with me.

"About that kiss…" I took a deep breath and then hung my head and stared at the floor. I couldn't calm my nerves enough to focus straight. I tried not to cry; I wasn't the crying type.

"What about it?" She sounded bitter. I couldn't blame her. If someone had done to me what I'd done to her, I'd be bitter too. She sat up and leaned against the headboard. "It was a mistake. I get that."

"No, it wasn't a mistake. Not in that sense." I couldn't find the words to say what I needed to say.

"In what sense then?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"In the sense that I didn't mean for it to happen that way; it wasn't supposed to happen like that." I ran my hand through my hair as I struggled to make her understand what I was trying to say. "I don't know what came over me but I do know that that kiss wasn't a mistake. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about the other night at the hockey game, before the shooting. When I put my arm around you and you leaned into me… Cai, when you said good-bye to me at the hospital… it nearly tore my heart out." I stood up and looked out the window. The moon was full and the sky clear.

"Don, what are you saying?" I looked back at her. She was no longer angry with me; no longer bitter. When I didn't say anything, she stood up and came to my side. "Don, look at me?" I turned my back on her. "Fine, if you won't talk then I will. When my father told me that he was dying he mentioned something that he had never told me before. He said that every time he pictured my wedding there was always only one man standing at the altar waiting for me. Even when Patrick and I were together, he could only ever see this man. I didn't believe him then; it's still hard to believe it now…"

"Who?" I asked. I was curious to know and I could hear the waiver in her voice, but I still didn't face her.

"The one man he believed I was meant to be with. The boy who had grown up with my brother, the boy who wasn't sure what to do when I told him my mother was dead, the man who took a bullet because of me." When she said that about the bullet I turned around so fast it left me a little dizzy.

"That was not your fault. I never blamed you for what happened. Mac tried to say that you had something to do with it…" She was about to protest when I placed a finger on her lips. "I defended you. I told him that you couldn't possibly have had anything to do with that. I said that you didn't have it in you. I told him that you are a strong woman and will defend your life and those you care about; that that would be the only way you would kill. I said that even if I had known what was happening I would have taken the bullet for you. I would defend and protect you till the day I died." I stepped towards her. "Mac doesn't believe that you were involved in any other way but as a witness and victim. He's sorry that he ever gave you that impression. He is very protective of his friends and only reacts the way he did because he really cares. He's seen me at my worst and he's seen me fighting for my life before… it's not easy on him to see that again."

"You didn't see the look in his eyes when he looked at me at the hospital. I knew that I had to ask permission to come home, but I thought twice about it when I saw that look. He looked as if he was ready to throw me behind bars. He didn't trust me."

"If he didn't trust you he wouldn't have allowed you to come home." I knew it was going to take Cailín time to trust Mac; to believe that he would be a good friend to her as he is to me.

"It's just going to take time, I guess." She looked out the window. The moon shined down on her face. Her eyes were almost sparkling again.

"I didn't know what to do when you told me your mom had died. I left because I didn't know what to say. I'm not leaving this time. I'm still not sure what to say; but I'm not going anywhere." She smiled at me. "Should I call Ashley?"

"Call her only if you want to." She looked back out the window.

"Do _you_ want me to call her?" She closed her eyes and thought for a moment.

"Honestly, no. If you call her, the only thing I want you to say to her is that you're not interested. If you think that it's best if you go out with her at least once… it's up to you. Don, I won't lie and say that the thought of you with someone else doesn't hurt, but it's your decision. I can't and won't make it for you. If it's one thing I've learned these past few years, it's that you have to live your life without regrets; without the fear of rejection or heartache. Pain is a part of life; though I feel as though I've experienced more than my fair share of it. You asked me earlier if Sam was right about me being in love with you since we were kids." She turned to face me completely. "The answer is 'yes.' No matter how hard I've tried in recent days to avoid the truth… I know that I will never be with anyone but you. That being said; you have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to be with me."

"Cailín…" I thought long and hard for just the right words. "Cai, I want to be with you, but…"

"Not right now." She smiled a little. I nodded. "Friends, then?" I knew it pained her to say that. "I'll be there for you when you decided that you've fallen for someone else; when someone comes along who doesn't remind you of Jessica Angell. We'll be friends… at least till then." She leaned up to kiss my cheek.

"Cailín…" I started.

"Don't. Don't say things you might later regret. Don't say that you won't fall for someone else, because you never know. I know, deep down, that I will never fall in love with someone else because it's always been you for me. You've been the man in my dreams for so many years. I thought I had moved past that with Patrick, but now I know that I hadn't. Not really." I had hurt her again. "I've got to be honest. I suggested that we could be friends… I can't. I'm sorry. I can try my hardest to pretend that being in the same room with you doesn't hurt but that's about all I can do. If you're with a girl and I leave the room, you'll know why. It's late… we should try and get some sleep." I headed back upstairs and knew that I had made a huge mistake.


	13. Chapter 13

_Cailín's POV_

It's been three weeks since my father's passing and we were trying to live as normal lives as we could. Summer was right around the corner and I couldn't wait. Jason, Lacey, and Sarah were planning on coming up for vacation in August before school started back up. It seemed like I was constantly working: either for my regular PR job, freelancing, or filling in at the pub on the weekends. I hadn't seen much of Don since we got back to the city but I was fine with that.

"Cailín?" I heard a familiar voice come in the window.

"Hey, Harm! Mac! Come on up!" I poked my head out the window and invited them upstairs. I tried to straighten things up a bit but I had photographs everywhere. There came a knock on the door. "Come in. It's good to see you guys." I hugged them and then let them in.

"Looks like you've been busy." Harm commented on the mess.

"Yeah, I've had several calls from architecture firms in the city." Mac was looking through some of the more recent ones.

"They don't have their own photographer?" She asked.

"Not the ones I shot for; they're generally smaller firms or don't use professional photography often enough to justify paying a full-time, or even part-time, photographer. Those are for a firm that I've worked with before. They have a partnership with a firm in DC that I've done some work for."

"These are amazing, Cailín." Mac started looking through another stack of photos. "You really should try to get a showing. You're very talented. You've got the eye for it." I had thought about trying to get a gallery to show my work but it's just never been a big dream of mine.

"So, what are you guys doing in New York?"

"We have a case that led us here." Harm replied. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. I've been busy." I tried sound happier than I felt.

"Have you spoken or seen Don much?" Mac asked. She was flipping through some photos from work. There were a few in there of Don.

"Not really. We've both been really busy. Those are from an assignment at work. That's been about the only day I've seen him since we got back." I tried to sound indifferent to the whole thing but I knew by the looks on their faces I didn't do a very good job.

"Is he seeing anyone?" Mac asked. The photos were forgotten.

"Yes. Sam told me he was and they were in last weekend."

"He has some nerve." Harm and Mac knew what had happened between Don and I. I hadn't hidden that from them. Don had left after the viewing and Harm had asked me about him. He had asked if Don had been the guy I'd been waiting for; the one I had mentioned when we broke up. "He knows how you feel about this and yet, he comes here with her?"

"Harm, just let it go. It's a free country; he can take his date where ever he wants." I looked out the window. "At least he seems happy."

"Which is more than we can say about you. How'd Eric take seeing him here with someone else?" Mac looked at me. Everyone had heard what had happened between Don and I, including Danny, Lindsay, and Mac (Taylor).

"Uncle Rick made him and Sam leave. I wasn't too far behind them." Sam and Eric had started dating. It wasn't a surprise since I'd been watching them while we were in DC. "I actually have a date tomorrow."

"Really? With who?" Harm raised an eyebrow.

"Nick Worthington. He's an architect for one of the firms I've done some work for. He asked me out last week but I'd said no. He asked me again yesterday." Nick and I had actually hit it off. So far he seemed like a decent guy. "He has hung out with us a few times before he asked me out. The gang seems to like him; though they're not really sure that it's such a good idea for me to date him."

"Why not? Do they object to Don dating?"

"They don't object to Don dating, but then I did practically tell him that he could do whatever he wanted. I had said that I would never fall for someone else because…" I didn't have to finish the rest. They knew what I had said. There was a knock on the door. I looked at my watch. "That must be Sam, we're supposed to go shopping for tomorrow."

"Hey, guys, I didn't know you were in town." I opened the door and Sam greeted Mac and Harm. "What brings you guys to the Big Apple?"

"Work. Speaking of which, Mac, we'd better get going. We're supposed to be at the port when the ship arrives." Harm and Mac left but promised to call me if they could make dinner while they were still in town.

"Ready?" Sam practically pulled me out the door.

"Can I at least close the windows? I can't have these photos blowing all over the place and get ruined." I closed the windows and then grabbed my bag. We headed out.

"Are you really going through with the date?" Sam asked me as I was trying on a dress.

"Yes, Samantha, I'm really going through with the date. I know what I told your brother… but maybe I was wrong." I came out of the dressing room. "So, what do you think?"

"Ew. So not your color." I looked in the mirror. "I know I picked it, I thought it would look good on you. I was wrong." We both scrunched our nose at the orange sundress.

"Yeah, and I warned you it wouldn't." I went back in and tried on another sundress. "How about this one?"

"I like that pink and white but I'm not crazy about the fit on you." She was right. The white with pink flowers was pretty but the shape did nothing for me. "Where's he taking you anyways?"

"We're going for a picnic in the park in the afternoon." I looked through the other sundresses we'd chosen. None of them were saying that I needed to waste my energy trying them on. I looked at the more formal dress we'd picked. I knew I needed a semi-formal dress to wear the Independence Day "dance" in July. "This is the semi-formal for the 4th." I came out of the dressing room.

"Oh. My. Word. You look stunning!" I turned to face the mirror and she was right. The dress was strapless and mostly red. The glass beading started at the neckline as sporadic red beads that matched the fabric and then faded to white and then finally blue at the bottom. The beading was also heavier on the bottom so that it actually looked blue and not purple. "You have to get this dress!"

"Agreed." I had fallen in love with that dress the moment I put it on. "Okay, the 4th is done, but now I just need to find something for tomorrow." I said as we headed out of that store.

"Hey, sis." We bumped into Don on the way to another store. "Cailín."

"Hey, Don, what are you up to?" Sam chatted with her brother. I tried to ignore him.

"Nothing much, just meeting Ashley for lunch. What are you two doing?"

"Shopping." Sam replied. I don't think she really wanted to go into too much detail.

"I can see that. What for? The Independence Day thing?"

"That and Cailín's got a date tomorrow." Sam just couldn't keep her mouth shut. She wanted to see how he would react to that news.

"Oh?" I looked at him and smiled. "With who? Do I know him?"

"I don't think so. Nick Worthington. He's an architect." My acting was getting better.

"What's the point of dating? I thought you said…"

"Forget what I said then. Things change; maybe I was wrong." He had no right to bring that up. "Excuse me. I'll be in that store, Sam." I pointed to a store a few doors down. I wasn't hurt. I was angry. I was looking at some skirts when Sam walked in.

"He has some nerve." She was just as angry as I was, it seemed. "What right did he have to bring any of that up?"

"Let it go, Sam." I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the date tomorrow. I tried on a few dresses, some skirts and tops before finally settling on a baby pink blouse and black cotton, knee-length skirt. We went to lunch and then headed back to the pub.

"I could kill him!" Sam was still fuming when we sat in my booth.

"Kill who, babe?" Eric slid in next to Sam.

"That idiot brother of mine." She said through clenched teeth. "He has some nerve!"

"Drop it, Sam." I tried to get her to focus on something else… but that was near impossible.

"What happened?" Eric asked. Sam explained our day. Now I had to try to calm down two people.

"I'm leaving. You two can plot away without me." I said and got up to leave. Just then Don and his girlfriend walked in. He really had guts. I walked over to him. "I really don't think it's best that you're here right now."

"And who are you to tell me where I can be?" He replied.

"Fine, you can be here if you want to be. Don't whine when Eric and your sister team up against you. I tried to warn you." Suddenly, my phone rang. "Hey, Nick. I thought you had a lunch meeting?"

"Parker wanted to know if you have the photos finished?" Nick asked.

"Um, yeah actually, I do. Does he want me to come by now?"

"If you're not busy with something else."

"No, I'm at the pub. I'll just run up and grab them and be over in 15. Does that work?" I grabbed my shopping bags and headed upstairs.

"I don't want to make you stop what you're doing if you're busy." I was gathering up the photos.

"No, I'm not busy. I'd just gotten done shopping with Sam." I headed back downstairs.

"Are you busy tonight?" Nick asked. I was standing next to the booth where Sam and Eric were still sitting.

"No, I'm not busy tonight. You want to meet at the pub for dinner?" Sam and Eric looked at me.

"Sure, that sounds great. Say around 6?"

"Six sounds great. I'll see you in a few, though." I hung up.

"So what was that all about?" Sam asked.

"Parker wanted to see if I was finished with the photos. Nick called to ask and then he asked if I was busy tonight." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright, Babe, we've got plans tonight." Sam replied, looking at Eric.

"Okay, but find your own booth!" I laughed at their facial expressions and then headed over to Parker and Worthington.

"Ms. McClanahan, Mr. Parker and Mr. Worthington are expecting you." The receptionist greeted me when I walked in. She led me to the conference room and then called for Nick and Parker. The meeting was a success and Mr. Parker said that if they had an opening for a photographer he'd try to convince me to quit the NYPD PR job and join their firm. I assured them that that wasn't likely to happen even if they had an opening. Nick and I had a great time at dinner, even with Sam and Eric watching our every move.

_About two months later (still Cailín's POV)_

I have been dating Nick for about two months now and things seem to be going great. Jason had called to tell me that they were going to have to postpone their visit because the doctors were concerned about Lacey traveling this far in her pregnancy. He said they couldn't see any problems but they just didn't want her traveling. I completely understood and said that they needed to focus on keeping mom and baby safe. The Independence Day "dance" was coming up this weekend. I was going with Nick; as was to be expected. Ever since Nick and I started dating we saw less and less of Don at the pub. That was fine with me.

"Are you excited about this weekend?" Lindsay asked as we were sitting in a diner near the precinct.

"Ask me again when it gets here." I replied. I sank in the booth when I saw Don walk through the door.

"His girlfriend works here." Lindsay turned to look at Don when she noticed my reaction.

"Yes, I know." I replied. I was happy with Nick; I never thought I would be, but something still tugged at me when Don walked into the room.

"Do you want to go?"

"No, I'm fine. Besides, Nick's supposed to be here soon." And as if on cue, he walked through the door.

"Hey, Babe." He kissed me as he slid in beside me. "Hello, Lindsay."

"Hi, Nick. What are you up to today?"

"You mean, what brings me to this side of town?" He teased. It was a common joke amongst our circle that Nick tended to stay closer to the firm and his apartment than anywhere else.

"Okay?" Lindsay and I laughed. I could feel Don watching us but I ignored him the best I could. I think Nick sensed it too because he scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Besides meeting Cailín for lunch, I have a meeting with the owner of one of the warehouse in the area."

"Are you guys planning on buying it or what?" I kept my eyes on Nick.

"We're thinking about it. We're either going to try to buy it or he's going to ask us to design the renovation for it. He wants to sell it but not in the condition it's in." He kissed my cheek. "Parker wants to know if you'll take some pictures of it later."

"How later is later?"

"Sometime this weekend? I know you have that thing for work but maybe Saturday?" Nick looked at me.

"I can't, not this weekend. Besides the Independence Day thing, I'm completely booked this weekend. A friend of mine from college is getting married on Saturday and I promised her that I'd be her photographer. Which means I'll be looking through film all day on Sunday." I was starting to get annoyed with Parker. "You know you guys don't own me, right?"

"What makes you say that?" This was about to turn into our first fight.

"Parker always seems to think that I'll be glad to take pictures for the firm. I have a full-time job with the NYPD plus all of my other freelance jobs. Not to mention helping out at the pub every once and a while. I can't be the only freelance photographer in the city." When I thought about it, every time I saw Nick he'd ask if I'd be willing to take photos for the firm. "Maybe it's not just Parker who thinks that."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" He yelled. The diner was silent.

"Keep your voice down." I hissed. "It means that every time I see you, you're always asking if I'll take photos for the firm. Forget it, find a new photographer. And while you're at it, find a new girlfriend!" I got up and stormed out of the diner.

"Cailín, wait up!" I heard him yell after me. I ducked into an alley next to the precinct.

"What do _you_ want, Flack?" I turned on him when he followed me into the alley.

"What was that about?"

"I just broke up with Nick, what do you think it was about?" I asked sarcastically.

"What happened?" He reached towards me but I backed out of reach.

"Just go on and say it, Flack." I was done fighting.

"Say what?"

"'I told you so.' Just go ahead and say it." I waited for him to say anything but he didn't; he just stood there. "Fine. Have a nice day." I walked away. On my way home, I bumped into Mac.

"Cailín, Lindsay called me. Are you okay?" He looked at me. He knew the answer to that already. Don was right about one thing: Mac Taylor was a good friend.

"If Lindsay called you then you already know the answer to that." I leaned against the pub wall.

"What did Don say to you?" Lindsay must have told him everything.

"Nothing. He just asked if I was okay. He asked what the argument had been about…" I kicked around a small rock.

"What was the argument about?"

"Nick and Parker both seem to think that I'm at their disposal when it comes to taking photographs for their firm. They don't check to make sure I'm free; sometimes they just assume that I'll do it. There have been jobs that they've offered that I've turned down because of prior obligations and then Nick doesn't talk to me for a few days. I just tried to shrug it off but today was the last straw. I could see Nick getting upset with me that I couldn't do a photo shoot for them this weekend. With the Independence Day 'dance' on Friday and a wedding on Saturday, I just didn't have the time. And when I told Nick that he started to pull away; that's when things started to fall into place. Maybe they thought if Nick and I started dating then maybe I'd feel obligated to do all the photo shoots they asked me to do. I'd rather photograph crime scenes than deal with people like that." He smiled.

"Maybe you over reacted?" He turned serious again. "Or maybe there's deeper reason for the blow-up?"

"Crap!" I wiped a tear away.

"What?"

"I just broke my vow." That made me want to cry more.

"What vow?" Mac looked confused.

"The night my father died; the night Don kissed me for the first time and then left, I vowed that I would never shed another tear for that man. I would never cry over Don Flack ever again." I fought the tears back. "He was right."

"Who was right about what?" Mac walked with me to the apartment door.

"My father; he was right about Don. I knew he was right; but after what Don had said to me and then done… I no longer wanted to believe it. I no longer wanted to believe that Don was the only man I'd ever be with."

"So does this mean you need a date for Friday?" He changed the subject.

"I guess so." I smiled at him.

"So, where should I pick you up?" I never thought that, after that shooting, Mac and I would be this close.

"Well, I'm helping set up in the morning and I'll be here getting ready in the afternoon. Here would work. Say around six?"

"It's a date. If I don't see you before then; I'll see you then." I smiled, hugged him, and then went inside.

"You broke up with Nick?" Sam came barging into the pub. I was sitting in my normal booth with Eric.

"Oh, here we go." I mumbled; Eric laughed. "Yes, I broke up with Nick."

"Who's taking you on Friday then?" She slid in next to Eric. As soon as she said that, Mac and Don walked in. Don sat in at the table he usually sat at but Mac came over and slid in next to me.

"Sam, Eric, meet my date for Friday." I laughed at their faces. "Oh, you guys are classic."

"You're seriously going to the thing on Friday, together?" Eric asked in disbelief.

"Why is that so hard for you to believe, cousin?" I threw a sugar packet at him.

"I don't know, maybe it's because your friendship is a little hard to believe." He replied. I looked at Mac.

"He's got a point there. After that shooting, I never thought I'd be able to trust you not to think I was a horrible person. I don't hold it against you. You didn't know me and your friend had just been shot."

"Well, let's just say that it's a job hazard to judge before you know someone." We chatted for a few hours about nothing to deep. By the end of the night, we couldn't stop laughing because of Eric. I was acutely aware of Don the whole time.


	14. Chapter 14

_Don's POV_

I had been thinking about Cailín all day, even before that argument she'd had with her boyfriend at the diner. When I walked into the diner to meet up with Ashley, I hadn't expected to see Cailín sitting with Lindsay. Not long after I walked in, some guy came in and sat next to Cailín. He looked like the type of guy she'd go for back in high school. He looked like a typical football player. He was probably the quarterback of his high school team. I watched them as they talked about something and then Cailín got really upset with him.

"… and while you're at it, find a new girlfriend!" She stormed out of the diner after that. I couldn't help but follow her. She had ducked into an alley next to the precinct. She hadn't been too happy that I followed her.

"'I told you so.' Just go ahead and say it." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. That's not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that that guy was a jerk and that he wasn't for her. I knew that would probably tick her off even more. She left after a few minutes. I headed back to the diner.

"What was that all about, Don? Wasn't she the girl from the pub?" Ashley asked when I walked in.

"She's a friend. Yes, her family owns that pub." I sat down at the counter. There was something I had to take care of, but it wasn't going to be easy. "Ashley, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Oh, here it comes. What is it? Are you breaking up with me?" She didn't seem too bothered by it. "I guess I saw this coming." She sat next to me. "Phil, I'm on break!" She called back to the kitchen.

"Ashley, it's not that you're not a wonderful person." I tried to make it sound a little better than the whole "it's not you, it's me" cliché.

"Don, stop. The reason I said that I saw this coming is because I'm not blind. I'm not as dumb as you think I am. I knew why we always went to the pub. We went because of her. After she started dating that guy, we stopped going. Don, I watched the way you looked at her when she was in the room. She wasn't there long but I didn't need that long to figure it out. You don't want to be with me any more than I want to be with you. Honestly, I said 'yes' to you because you were the first decent man to ask me out." She took a deep breath. "You're in love with her. Don't even try to deny it; I've seen that look before. No one has ever looked at _me_ like that, but I've seen that look before. Don't be an idiot, go after her. Tell her how you feel."

"Someday, a man will walk in here and he'll look at you the way I look at Cailín." I kissed her cheek.

"That's the fairytale, Detective. 'Someday my prince will come.' Now, you need to go find your princess." She practically pushed me out of the diner. I headed back to work and spent most of the day thinking about what Ashley had said.

"Don, you want to go to Shamrock with me tonight?" Mac came up to my desk. "What's up with you?"

"Ashley and I just broke up. I went to the diner to break up with her but I think she ended up breaking up with me."

"There's been a lot of that going around." I looked at him. "Cailín broke up with that Nick guy earlier." How'd he know about that? "Lindsay called me. I went to the pub to see if she was alright. I guess she'd had enough of him."

"What do you mean?" I didn't know the details behind the break-up.

"She'll have to decide if she wants you to know. That's not my place, though I will tell you that I'm taking her the 'dance' on Friday." I nodded. "So, do you want to go to Shamrock tonight?"

"Sure. I haven't been there in a while; not since Eric and Samantha gave me an ear full about something I said to Cailín." He looked at me; I shook my head. "What time?"

"8ish?"

"Sounds good." He left. I finished up some paperwork and then headed home. I met Mac in front of the pub at 8:00 sharp. When we walked in, Cailín was sitting with Eric and Sam. I headed to my usual table while Mac went and sat with them. He tried to get me to join them but I really wasn't ready to face Cailín at the moment. I watched them laughing and knew that I hadn't followed Cailín's advice. I hadn't lived without regrets… Watching her laugh and not being a part of it made me regret the decision I made all those months ago. I had thought that maybe I could be happy with someone else and, that no matter what Cailín said, we'd be friends. The first time I brought Ashley to the pub I knew Cailín was right about not being able to be friends. I could see her try to remain in the same room with us but that lasted about five minutes before she disappeared. I thought that in time she'd be able to deal with it better, I was wrong again. In truth the more time that passed the harder it was for her. She'd leave the room as soon as we entered.

"Hey, Don. How are you?" Susan sat down. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend. We broke up this afternoon." I looked at Susan and then back to the booth.

"So, are you going to man-up now? Are you going to swallow your pride and tell her how you really feel?"

"Now's not the time." I started to get up.

"You're going to run out of time, Don. Something is going to happen or someone else is going to come along. I know what she told you but if someone like Patrick was to show up… She's fallen in love with someone other than you before; it could happen again." Susan went back behind the bar.

"Don, what are you doing over here?" Mac sat in the now vacant seat. "You need to talk to her. Don't regret it again."

"What are you talking about?" I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that.

"Don't turn this into the same thing with Jessica. That's why you keep running away from this; you're afraid that it means you're forgetting her." He looked out the window. "I've been in your shoes, Flack. I've pushed women out of my life because I thought I was betraying Claire. I've used other excuses before but the truth is: I've pushed girlfriends away because I wasn't ready to let go. After nearly dying, I've realized something. It's been something I've thought about many times before. I'm done living with regrets; I'm done living with time frames. It's time you stopped living with them too. Susan's right. Something could happen and you'll lose Cailín forever. Don't keep putting it off."

"Why aren't you taking Christine to the thing on Friday?" I tried to change the subject.

"She's going to be busy with the restaurant that night. She said that I should go with Cailín but that she'll meet us there. I've already talked to Cailín about it. I'll see you tomorrow." He got up and left. They were starting to close up the place.

"Night, Don!" Sam waved to me on her way out the door with Eric. I waved back.

"You gonna sit there all night?" I looked up to see Cailín standing behind the other chair. "If so you're going to be stuck… Uncle Rick's got motion sensors up now." She grabbed the bottle from in front of me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What?" I looked at her. I had been so focused on what everyone was saying that I hadn't been paying much attention to her.

"You looked troubled; do you want to talk about it?" There was something about her tonight; something that I haven't seen in a long time. Her eyes shone bright; like life had been restored. They were no longer a stormy sea but a calm, beautiful lagoon. "You asked me about that argument with Nick early. Do you still want to know what it was about?"

"Are you trying to be friends? Are you really trying to pretend like nothing's happened?" She stepped back.

"I am trying to be friends, my mistake." She turned and headed towards the bar. "I just thought, as a friend, you'd like to know why I broke up with Nick, but forget I said anything."

"Cailín, wait." I called after her.

"For what? For how long?" So much for the calm lagoon. "How long do you expect me to wait around while you try and figure out what it is that you want from me? You wanted to be friends; you agreed to it, but then… I'm trying, Flack, I am, but I'm sick and tired of feeling something for you when you clearly don't feel anything for me. I'm sick and tired of waiting for the fairytale ending. I'm trying to be open with you, as friends should be with each other… I can see I made yet another mistake with you."

"I'm sorry. I just didn't expect this from you; not after the way you've been avoiding me these past few months." I took a deep breath. "Ashley and I broke up this afternoon."

"Why?" Her guard was still up; I was definitely not going to be able to tell her what Ashley had said to me. She wasn't the one making the mistakes… I was.

"We both just realized that it wasn't going anywhere. We realized that we were in the relationship for the wrong reasons." It was true, but it wasn't the whole truth.

"Oh? I'm sorry to hear that. You guys seemed happy together." She seemed truly sorry. Had she gotten to the point where she no longer believed what her father had told her? Had she gotten to the point where what she'd said to me in DC no longer mattered? "I guess Nick and I seemed happy together too."

"What happened?"

"I finally realized that he wasn't interested in me as a person. He was interested in me as a photographer." She sat down in her booth.

"What do you mean?" I sat across from her.

"Hey, do you two think you can take this somewhere else? I'd like to go home at some point tonight." Rick came in from the kitchen.

"No problem, Uncle Rick." Cailín stood up. "You want some coffee?" I nodded and followed her upstairs.

"What did you mean downstairs?" I asked as we sat on the couch.

"One of the first things Nick asked me when he walked into the diner was if I'd be willing to do a photo shoot for his firm this weekend. When I told him I was too busy, he looked upset. It's not the first time he'd reacted like that when I told him I couldn't do a shoot… I had turned down a few jobs for them before because I already had too much on my plate. Every time I did, Nick wouldn't speak to me for a few days. I finally realized that Nick wasn't dating me because he liked me; he was dating me because he and Parker figured that I'd feel obligated to do all their photo shoots for them. Boy, were they wrong. I had finally had enough."

"They, obviously, don't know you. Anyone who knew you would know that if you don't have to do something you probably won't." I looked around her living room. "I don't think I've ever been up here before."

"I don't think so either. I love it. Granted, it's cheap rent because I'm family, but it's nice to be living here. I'm close to family and it's got a lot of family history. My grandparents lived up here when they first opened the pub; then they moved into the house that Uncle Rick and Aunt Mary live in now. Eric moved into the house we used to live in."

"It doesn't look as old as the pub." It looked modern but still had the feel of it being an old building.

"Uncle Rick did some renovations before I moved in. The wood floors are original; they've just been refinished. I had him leave the exposed brick on one wall in the bedroom but he had drywall put in the rest of the place. The windows are all original; including the iron bars on the outside. Except for on the fire escaped window, of course." She smiled. "He did a full remodel on the balcony on the back and he put in a rooftop garden. I helped pay for some of the remodeling; like the garden, but most of it he did because it needed to be done. So he said anyways."

"He did it for you." I smiled at her. It was good to be able to talk like this again.

"Yes, I believe so. I have tried to repay him for all the work he's done but he won't accept it. 'You're family, Star, that's thanks enough.'" She mocked her uncle.

"Does everybody in your family call you 'Star'?" I had always wondered about that.

"No. Mainly it was mom, dad, and Uncle Rick. Jason will call me by it every once and a while but he hasn't since we were kids. Well, no, he did when Dad died. Dad was the main one to call me 'Star.' He called me his 'Starlight.' I was in high school when he explained why. I had been dumped by Jonathan. Yes, the same guy who tried to strangle me. Anyways, I had come home crying; saying that my life was over and that I wasn't good enough. Dad sat me down and said 'Starlight, look at me. You are far better than any girl in that school. You are smart, beautiful, strong, and you are as unique as the stars are numerous. I was proud to have a son who will carry on the family name but I wouldn't give you up for a thousand sons. You are my Starlight; the brightest star in my life. That guy is not good enough for _you_. You deserve so much more.'"

"He's right." I looked at a picture of her and her father.

"I miss him so much. It still takes me a few minutes to remember that I can't call him up any more. Something great will happen at work and I'll be so excited until I remember that the one person I really want to tell is no longer just a phone call away." She walked over to the picture I'd been looking at. "Are you still going on Friday?"

"I don't have much of a choice." I answered. It was true: a lot of the police officers were obligated to be at the ball, dance, whatever you wanted to call it.

"True. Are you going stag? I mean since you and Ashley broke up?"

"I'm not sure yet. I don't think Jo has a date yet." I stood up and walked towards her.

"That would be nice. I'm going with Mac, well, at least until Christine gets there." I took the photograph from her and set it back on the mantel. I pulled her back against me.

"I know. Mac told me." I was getting lost in her touch. I remembered what Mac had said earlier. I was starting to believe that he was right; I was starting to believe that the reason I kept pushing Cailín away was because I was afraid of betraying Jess. Even after three years, the pain of losing her still felt so strong. I didn't think I was ready to let go yet. "Cailín."

"Don, don't. Please, let's not do this again. I can't go down that road again… I'll end up alone and I won't be able to handle it." She stepped away from me. "It's late. I have to be at work early in order to get things done before Friday."

"Right. I'll see myself out." I nodded. She was putting her guard up; I couldn't blame her.

_Cailín's POV_

"I know. Mac told me." It took everything I had not to get absorbed by him. I had wanted to be this close to him ever since DC. "Cailín." I knew that tone. I knew the underlying plea in his voice.

"Don, don't. Please, let's not do this again. I can't go down that road again… I'll end up alone and I won't be able to handle it." I stepped out of his touch; even though it pained me. "It's late. I have to be at work early in order to get things done before Friday."

"Right. I'll see myself out." He replied and headed out. I stood by the window and watched him get in his car and drive away. It had been so great to be able to talk to him again without struggling to keep my composure. I had been doing so well until he pulled me against him. I had been doing so well until he reminded me of what my body and heart has been longing for. That had been something else that ticked Nick off. He thought we were progressing enough in our relationship that having sex was the only option for it to continue moving forward. I disagreed and when I said so, he got up and left. He never once asked why I felt that way; he never once supported my decision about anything. Under different circumstances, Nick and I might have been friends even after breaking up. I'm a strong-willed person and Nick just couldn't get me to give that up.

"Good morning!" Sam greeted me as I entered work Thursday morning.

"Ugh, someone's chipper." I groaned. After Don left, Jason called me to tell me that Lacey had gone into labor. She was about 6 weeks too early and the doctors were concerned for the wellbeing of both mother and child. They were going to delay the delivery for as long as they could. I had called Jason back this morning to see how things were.

"Rough night?" Sam handed me a soda.

"Don and I talked till almost 11 and then Jason called me." I yawned and then opened the bottle.

"Is everything alright?"

"Which are you referring to?" I replied before taking a drink.

"Well, now that you mentioned it: both. But let's start with _your _brother and then we'll move on to mine." A mischievous grin appeared on her face and I regretted mentioning Don.

"Lacey went into labor late last night."

"Isn't she early?" We made our way to the conference room. There was a meeting to discuss the assignments that had to be finished today so we could help with the set up for tomorrow night. Also, assignments for tomorrow night were going to be handed out. I was hoping to get out of having to work.

"About six weeks. The doctors were trying to delay the delivery as long as they could; she still hadn't delivered when I called Jason on my way to work." I sat in my normal seat in between Sam and one of the other photographers.

"How many of you have dates for tomorrow night?" Our boss asked when she entered the room. Sam and I were about the only two to raise our hands. "Well, congratulations to those who have raised your hands: you don't have any assignments for tomorrow." Sweet! Though I knew that I could possibly get roped into something once Christine arrived and took Mac away…

"Now as for today…" She listed the assignments that had to be completed before the end of the day. If they didn't get done then it would cut into the time we had tomorrow afternoon. That was the time given to us to get ready for the ball. Needless to say, the women all jumped up as soon as the meeting was finished. Sam and I were working with another journalist and photographer to put together the quarterly newsletter for the precincts. All of the drafts for the fall issue had to be done by the end of the day. We weren't too far off as it was. As soon as the summer issue went to print we began working on the fall issue. September's draft was already finished and so was half of October's. We had finished the other half of October's draft by lunch time and we were positive that we'd be able to finish November by the end of the day.

"So what did you and Don talk about last night?" Sam asked while we headed to the diner for lunch.

"Nothing much, really. He told me that he and Ashley broke up and then I explained why I broke up with Nick…" As soon as I said his name, he walked through the door. "Oh, great." Sam noticed too.

"You want to get out of here and go somewhere else?" She understood the look on my face.

"Cailín, can we talk?" Nick approached us.

"What's left to talk about, Nick?" I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Tomorrow night." He stated. He looked as though he didn't fully take what I said to heart.

"What about it? We're through, so that means there is no tomorrow night. You've been uninvited to the ball."

"Cailín, please. I'll make it up to you?" Nick pleaded. Parker must be riding him on this.

"The last time a guy said that to me, I nearly ended up in the hospital. Sorry, Nick, but you had your chance." His eyes turned angry. I couldn't help but move away. He leaned in closer.

"You'll be sorry. I will get you back, no matter what the cost. You can't get rid of me that easily." The tone of his voice made me realize that I had crossed paths with yet another troubled man. "You will be mine. You _will_ be mine fully and completely." With that he left.

"Let's get out of here, Cailín." Sam said after a few minutes. I nodded. "We have to tell Don." We headed to Don's precinct but he wasn't there. "Excuse me, do you know where Detective Flack is?" Sam asked one of the officers.

"I think his on a call out. He's been gone for a little while so I expect he'll be back soon." He replied. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Sam? Cailín? What are you two doing here?" It was Jo. "Is everything alright?" I knew she could see the terror in my eyes.

"We were waiting for Don, but you'll be just as good." Sam said. Jo led us to her desk.

"What's up?" I explained about the encounter with Nick and what he had said before he left. "Everything is going to be alright, Cailín. He's not going to be able to hurt you."

"How can you be so sure?" I hadn't been this scared since I broke up with the guy in high school; the one who killed his next girlfriend. The news had stated that she'd gone to the police and they assured her that she was safe… It's not that I didn't trust Jo and the others but I was just so scared. Don walked in as I was signing the report Jo had filled out.

"What's going on?" I didn't look at him but could hear the concern in his voice. "Samantha? Cailín? Jo?"

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Danny walked over to us.

"What's wrong, Cailín?" Don ignored Danny and asked me directly. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I couldn't speak.

"Nick threatened Cailín." Sam spoke up.

"He _what_?" Don had to keep from shouting. "When?"

"At lunch; we went to the diner and we had gotten ready to order when he walked in. He came straight over to us and asked Cailín if they could talk." Sam proceeded to explain the whole thing; nearly word-for-word. Danny handed her a cup of water and then handed one to me. I reached for it but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't hold it. Before I knew what was happening I was pulled up into someone's arms.

"He's not going to touch you." Don held me. "I won't let him come near you." Sam called work and told them that something had come up and that we'd be a little late getting back from lunch. Without giving too many details she told Paul and Sharon what happened. She said that they understood and would continue working on the drafts and that we could go over them once we got back. I pulled away from Don as I began to regain control.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. I could still see the concern written on his face but he smiled at me. "We really should be getting back to work though." As much I wanted to go back home, set the alarm, and not move until the threat of Nick was over, I knew that I couldn't let him ruin my life. I knew he'd try something and when he did he'd be sorry he messed with me. After that almost-abusive relationship in high school, I threw myself into Karate and other forms of the Martial Arts. I was now a black-belt in Karate and Ti Kwan Do. In fact, in addition to my freelance jobs, I'd taught several self-defense classes back in DC.

"Call me if you need anything." Don said. I nodded. "I mean it, Cailín, don't hesitate no matter what time of day or night."

"I will, Flack." I smiled. I remembered what he'd told me back in DC; what he'd told Mac after the shooting at the hockey game. Don Flack would protect and defend me till the day he died. I just wished it was for a deeper reason than that I was Jason's kid sister. Sam and I headed back to work and we managed to finish the drafts and go over them two more times before heading home.

"Are you sure you're alright, Cailín? You were pretty shaken up earlier." Sam asked as we slid into the booth at the pub.

"I'll be fine, Sam. I can't let this threat from Nick rule my life. If something happens, I know I have friends who will be there for me. I know that he'll get what's due him if he comes after me. I trust the team. I trust your brother." As if on cue, Don and Eric came through the door.

"Hey, Babe, look who I found outside." Eric slid in next to Sam while Don slid next to me.

"You holdin' up, Cai?" Don looked at me.

"I'm fine. Like I just told Sam, I can't let this thing with Nick rule my life." I smiled at him, but he didn't look convinced.

"Yeah, I'm going to let him have it if he comes near you." Eric steamed.

"If he comes near me, he'll have to face a judge. Sam and I stopped by the precinct on the way here after work: I filed a restraining order against him." Don hadn't been in the precinct when we'd gone in. Mac had been though. He'd heard about what happened and was glad to take the restraining order to a judge right then. "Mac called as soon as we got here: Nick's been served."

"Do you think that will stop him?" Eric asked. He was being serious not sarcastic.

"Honestly, no. I saw the look in his eyes. I'm afraid that the restraining order will only anger him more."

"Then why get it?" Sam asked.

"I need him to know that I'm not afraid of him; I'm not going to let him scare me. I've been through a lot worse than the threats he made. I've learned from those experiences; I've learned that, even if it further fuels the anger, certain steps have to be taken. Even if he doesn't physically hurt me, Nick can serve time behind bars for violating the restraining order." We ordered dinner and then talked about the upcoming event. Eric and Sam went home while Don and I talked some more. Suddenly, my phone rang. "Hey, Jase, what's going on?"

"Lacey has gone into delivery. The doctors couldn't delay any longer; the baby was becoming too stressed. I let you know what happens. I love you, sis."

"Keep me posted, Jase. Give Sarah a hug for me and to Lacey and the baby too when they come out of delivery. I love you, bro." I hung up and looked up at the picture that had been taken the day dad died.

"What's up?" Don brought me out of my thoughts.

"Lacey went into labor last night. The doctors tried to delay delivery as long as possible since she's about six weeks early. Jason said that they couldn't wait any longer; the baby was becoming too stressed. Here's hoping and praying that mom and son make it through. Our family could use some good news right about now." He smiled at me and then looked up at the picture I'd been looking at.

"When was that one taken?"

"The day Da came home from the hospital… the day he died." The five of us had seemed so happy, but the more I looked at the picture the more I noticed the look in Dad's eyes. "He knew."

"What?"

"He knew. The doctors gave him a week, but he knew that it was going to be less. He knew when he was going to die because he chose when he was going to die. If I'm really honest, he'd been sick since mom died. Maybe not physically noticeable yet, but his heart started breaking when he lost mom." I hadn't mentioned this to anyone, not even Jason.

"What do you mean 'his heart started breaking'?" He wiped a tear from my cheek.

"When he was in the hospital he said that his heart was failing because it had been broken. The doctors wouldn't say it, but we knew that he died from a broken heart that started when I was 12. He held on for as long as he did because Jason and I still needed him; we still needed our father. When he told me that he could go in peace knowing that we no longer needed him…" Don handed me a napkin. "Can we talk about this upstairs? I'm not comfortable with all the stares." Everyone in the pub was watching us; it was uncomfortable and kind of creepy.

"Sure." We headed upstairs. As soon as I shut the door, I turned on the alarm.

"When Da said that he felt we no longer needed him, I tried to tell him otherwise. I said that I still needed him. I asked him who would walk me down the aisle when I got married or who would be their when I had kids… I still needed my father… I still need my daddy." I hadn't really cried over my father's death since the viewing and memorial service. "He'd know exactly what to say right now."

"Shhh…" Don, for the second time today, pulled me into his arms. This time he was trying to ease the sadness instead of the fear. "Cailín, he's with you always. He's guiding you and watching over you. He hasn't left; he's still here when you need him." I pulled back to look him in the eyes and got lost in his gaze. "Cai, I…" He looked nervous. "I don't want you going to the ball with Mac."

"What? Why?" I wasn't upset, just curious.

"I don't want you to go to the ball with Mac because I don't want you to go with anyone but me."

"Do you think that's such a good idea? I mean, with everything that's happened between us; with everything that's been said?" It's not that I didn't want to go with Don, my heart flipped when he'd said that, but I still couldn't shake what he'd said to me in DC. I still couldn't believe that after all these weeks he still wanted to be with me; that he was now saying it was time for us.

"Do you want to go with me?" He stepped back. I took a deep breath and tried to think of the right words to say.

"It's not that I don't want to go with you…"

"Then what?" I was so used to me putting up my guard that I hadn't been prepared for Don to put up his. "Do you think that with everything that's been said and done that I'd change how I felt about you?" What?

"I don't get you! How do you feel about me? You've never said how you felt about me."

"Yes I have. I told you in DC how I felt about you!" He countered.

"No, no you didn't. You said that you wanted to be with me but not right then. You wanted to be with me… that doesn't exactly say how you feel about me."

"What about you? You've never told me about how you felt about me!" I couldn't believe this. Just a few minutes ago he was comforting me for the second time that day and now we were fighting?

"Yes I have. I told you that I'd been in love with you since we were kids. That I was still in love with you…" My jaw tightened. "Get out. Just get out." I felt defeated. These past few months have been an emotional roller coaster and I hate roller coasters. "Please." I was breaking my vow again.

"Cailín, I'm sorry." He said but he didn't leave. We both stood there as the minutes ticked on.


	15. Chapter 15

_Don's POV_

"No, no you didn't. You said that you wanted to be with me but not right then. You wanted to be with me… that doesn't exactly say how you feel about me." She was right.

"What about you? You've never told me about how you felt about me!" I was wrong.

"Yes I have. I told you that I'd been in love with since we were kids. That I was still in love with you…" I watched her jaw tighten. She was right again. "Get out. Just get out." She sounded defeated. I'd done it again. The moment she'd asked me why I thought we should go to the ball together I pushed her away. I'd given her a safe answer; a true answer, but safe never the less. "Please." I could see the tears trailing down her cheeks. I'd made her cry, again.

"Cailín, I'm sorry." It was all I could say, but my feet wouldn't budge. We stood there for what seemed like a lifetime.

"Don…" Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Are you sure?" I knew she was still afraid of the threat Nick had made earlier and then reliving her father's death and then the argument we'd just had…

"Please?" When she looked up, I could see the fear in her eyes. I wasn't exactly sure if it was because of Nick or because she was afraid I'd say no.

"Of course I'll stay tonight." I could see her relax at my words. I looked at the clock. It was 9:30 already. "What do you want to do?"

"Can we just talk some more?"

"Sure." I said and we made our way over to the couch. I could tell that she was deep in thought. "What's troubling you?"

"The thing that shakes me the most about Nick's threat." She looked at me and then down at her hands.

"And what's that?" Right now she reminded me of the night she and I had been locked in a closet together. It was right after her thirteenth birthday and right before she moved to DC. Thinking back on it now, that had been planned. I hadn't expected to feel anything for my best friend's kid sister but seeing her vulnerable like that… I had wanted to pull her into my arms and just be there for her. Then I had thought about kissing her; when I moved in to do just that she had looked at me with such fear that it stopped me cold. She had never been kissed before and I'm sure my sister had done nothing but scare her with all the made-up stories she like to spread.

"Do you still remember that night when they locked us in the closet?" She was thinking about the same thing.

"I was just thinking about it." I smiled at her. I had done the same back then.

"Sam had told me so many stories that I was scared to death. Of course, Eric and Jason didn't help with that at all. It was their idea, you know?" She laughed a little.

"I kind of figured as much." I laughed too.

"When you moved closer, I was torn. I was still a little upset with you over you leaving me alone when I needed someone the most, but I wanted you to kiss me." I hadn't known that.

"You looked at me with such fear in your eyes…"

"I know. But then you smiled at me and my fear vanished. That's why I moved closer to you." I hadn't known that either. I did remember her moving closer but I hadn't really understood why. "I'd never been kissed before so I didn't know what to expect."

"When you leaned up and rested your hands on my shoulders I wasn't sure what was going on." I still remembered the feeling the first time our lips had brushed together. "I hadn't expected what followed."

"Neither had I." We both thought back to the moment when our lips first met. I knew it had been her first kiss but what she didn't know was that it was also mine. "Then you said two words that shattered the moment for me. They were the same words you said to me in DC." I didn't want to remember what I'd said, and I really didn't want to remember the look in her eyes after I'd said them. "'Cailín, I'm sorry.' Then you walked out." She looked out the window. "It was a good thing we moved soon after… I don't know if I could have handled seeing you a lot after that. I never told them what happened."

"I thought you told Sam? She laid into me right after you moved." I looked at her.

"She must have figured it out because I never said anything. It wasn't something I wanted people to know about; especially my best friend, my brother, and my cousin." She looked at her hands again.

"Why did you bring that night up?" I watched her closely. She seemed unsure of how to answer or unsure of whether she really wanted to or not. "What does that have to do with Nick?" I wasn't making the connection.

"Nothing really, it's just that I feel the same way now as I did then. I want to tell you something but I'm not really sure how to." She looked up at me and then to a spot on the floor.

"Cailín, what is it?" I slid over to her and lifted her chin with my hand.

"When Nick said, 'You will be mine. You _will_ be mine fully and completely.'…" She tried to pull away.

"Cailín, what are you trying to say?" I was starting to understand. "You've never…?"

"No. I've never been with a man; I'm still a virgin. That's what scares me about Nick's threat… I don't want him to have that part of me…" I pulled her to me and held her as she cried.

"Does he know…?" I asked. If he did know this bit of information it would probably make him that much more eager to follow through with his threat.

"No, nobody knows but Jason and Harm. And now you." That made me feel a little better, but this information made me want to protect her that much more.

"I will not let him touch you; in any way." I held her tighter. As soon as she was able to pull herself together, her phone rang.

"Hello?" She answered trying to sound fine. "Hey, Jase! How are mom and baby?" She smiled. It must be good news. "No, you get some rest. I'll talk to you later. I love you." After another minute she hung up.

"Good news, I take it?" She smiled at me; the stuff with Nick forgotten for a moment.

"Andrew Jason is a healthy 5 lbs. 6 oz. They're going to keep them overnight for observation and then they'll probably send Lacey home tomorrow. Jase said that Andrew will have to stay in the hospital for a few days at least."

"What did he say when you told him 'No, you get some rest.'?" I had seen her facial expression change slightly at that point in the conversation.

"Eric had called him. He asked if I wanted to talk about it." She looked at me but I couldn't really read the expression in her eyes. "I'm torn, Flack."

"About?" I couldn't figure this woman out. One minute we're talking and laughing, the next she's telling me to leave and then she's asking me to stay the night. We'd taken a trip through our past and she'd tied it to the present and now… I couldn't understand what was going on.

"You… I can't seem to figure things out where you're concerned." My feelings exactly. "One minute it's like we're best friends; laughing and talking about life. Then we're at each other's throats because we can't seem to figure out how we feel about each other. Then we thought about the same memory at the same time… Don, I can't shake how I feel about you. No matter how many times I've tried, I just can't seem to shake how you make me feel. When you enter a room I'm in, I know you're there; I can feel you as surely as I can feel the air conditioning or a breeze blowing through a window. I can feel you as though you're standing right beside me with our bodies touching even though you're on the other side of the room. I can feel my heart beat in time with yours; my body seems to know where you're at even if I can't see you." She stood up and walked toward the far wall. I stood up and took a step toward her. "Don't. Stay there." She was right. Her back was to me but she knew I had stood up… I hadn't made a sound. "When you touch me… I've never felt someone's touch so strongly. Not even with Patrick. I've never felt my body react to someone's touch as much as it reacts to yours. It seems to cry out in pain… it longs for more but knows it can't have it."

"Cailín…" I wasn't sure what to say. I made my way over to her. It was as though my body was responding to what she was saying; as though she was pulling me to her even though she'd told me to stay put. "Cailín, I'm sorry I confuse you. I don't mean to. Three years ago I lost someone very dear to me. I lost my partner, Jessica Angell. She was more than my partner. I loved her. I never got the chance to tell her that. She was killed while escorting a witness to court to testify. They had stopped at a restaurant to get breakfast when they were gunned down. The doctors tried everything they could but she died in surgery. I took her death hard. Mac and Danny can tell you about it. They had my back though, they tried to give me my space but I was spiraling downhill fast. Mac finally had enough and laid into me. I still had a lot to work through but I pulled myself together enough to get back to work."

"You still miss her." It wasn't a question. I could see the sadness in her eyes.

"Yes. Every single day."

"Is that why you push me away? Is that why you say you want to be with me but that it's not the right time?" She rested a hand on my cheek.

"I think so." She leaned up and kissed me lightly on the lips. When she leaned back, she smiled.

"I understand, Don. I do. I'm sorry that you never got the chance to tell her how you felt. I'm sorry she died." She turned and looked at a picture of her and some guy. "I know how you feel. I know what it feels like to lose someone you loved. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about Patrick and what my life would have been like if it hadn't been for that drunk driver. Who knows, I might have had my own kids by now. I would have been in DC and been able to spend more time with my dad. I wouldn't have met Matt or Peter or Nick. But, I also wouldn't have moved to New York or met Sam again. I wouldn't have met Lindsay, Danny, Jo, Adam, Sheldon, or Mac. Most of all…" She turned towards me. "Most of all, I wouldn't have realized how much I was still in love with you."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I wasn't sure.

"I don't know." Tears started to fill her eyes. She wiped them away before they could spill over. "That's the third time in two days…"

"What?" I looked at her; I had no clue what she was talking about.

"I made myself a vow, back in DC, that I would never shed one more tear over you. I've broken that vow three times in the past two days." She flopped onto the couch and brought her knees into her chest.

"It's getting late; maybe we should get some sleep?" I suggested. "Where should I sleep?" I wasn't exactly sure at the moment. I figured she was going to say the couch.

"If you don't have any objections…" She rested her chin on her knees for a moment and then looked up at me. "With me? I really don't want to be alone and we are friends, right?"

"Yes, we're friends and no, I don't have any objections." I was shocked. I was sure she was going to want me to sleep on the couch. I was shocked but I wasn't complaining. I knew that she was still worried about Nick and the way some of the conversations went tonight, I knew that she wasn't in the best of spirits.

"I'm going to take a quick shower. Make yourself comfortable." She said as she grabbed some clothes. I looked around the bedroom and noticed the photos on the walls. A lot of them were large architectural pictures. There was one of the Empire State Building, The Lincoln Memorial, the Naval Academy, and an old one of the Twin Towers. Then there was a wall with smaller pictures of nature. Niagara Falls, the Cherry Blossoms in DC, wildlife, plant life, sea life… I assumed she'd taken most, if not all, of the photographs. Everyone was right: she was very gifted with a camera. I made my way over to the dresser where there were family photos. Laying on one of the end tables was an album marked "Memories." Curious, I flipped it open. The first pages were filled with photos of her parents, and then her and Jason, and then Rick, Mary, Eric, and Susan. In a section marked "Friends" there were pictures of Cailín and Samantha together as kids with a place left for one of them as adults. There were pictures of me with Eric and Jason as teens and a picture of the three of us that had been taken in DC only months ago. I flipped through and got drawn into the stories she'd written within the margins. I set that one back down and picked up the one underneath the table. It was titled "Romance and Fairytales." "Being nosy?" She came back into the bedroom. I jumped because I'd been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't heard her come in. She crawled on to the bed and took the album out of my hands.

"What's in it?" I asked. I knew that there were bound to be pictures of her and her past boyfriends but I wondered what other stories and memories it held.

"Well, why don't open it and find out." She leaned against the headboard and watched me open the album. There was no picture on the first page but there was a story. "My first kiss; I almost wished I had a picture but maybe it's a good thing I don't." I just skimmed it to see if there was anything she hadn't told me. I flipped through her high school boyfriends.

"I guess you didn't want to forget?" I looked at her after finishing that section.

"No I didn't. They're part of the reason I'm as strong as I am today. Well, maybe not today today." She laughed a little. "The next section is about Patrick."

"He meant a lot to you, didn't he?" It was a section devoted to Patrick.

"He was my world; the love of my life. We had planned on spending the rest of our lives together. He was a lot like you; you would have liked him. He was strong, smart, caring, compassionate… he was just about everything I could have ever wanted in a man. There was only one thing he wasn't, but at that time, when he was alive, it didn't matter. I didn't even think about it after six months of dating him."

"What was it?" I looked up at her. The look in her eyes gave me the answer. "He wasn't me." She nodded.

"He wasn't you, but that thought never crossed my mind again after six months. We got engaged during the summer after our sophomore year. We planned the wedding for three months after graduation. We both decided that we didn't need the stress of planning a wedding and worrying about school and graduation and internships all at the same time. We worked on the wedding during breaks and a little here and there when we needed to focus on something other than school. I've tried to visit his grave every year on the anniversary of his death and the day that would have been our wedding. It's been a lot easier since I've moved back to New York."

"What do you mean?" I listened to her talk as I flipped through the pages. They had seemed so happy; it was as though she had gotten her fairytale. Then I came to the news articles about the accident, his obituary, and their wedding announcement.

"He's buried here in the city. He's family owns a plot in the cemetery. His grandfather emigrated from Scotland around the same time my grandfather came over from Ireland. They settled in the neighborhood where most of the Scottish immigrants settled in. His grandfather got started in a bank and eventually became a very wealthy man. Patrick's family still lives in New York State but has since moved from the city. They send me a Christmas card, Birthday card, etc. every year but that's about as much contact as I have with them. There wasn't any contact that first year; his parents blamed me for what happened to their son."

"I'm sure that's not true." I read the newspaper article about the accident.

"Yes, it is. His mother actually approached me on the one year anniversary and told me how they had felt. She said that they finally realized it just proved how much Patrick loved me. He had managed to position himself between me and the car; taking the majority of the impact. I still have the scars though. I was banged up pretty bad and could barely walk across the stage at graduation. I probably should have been in a wheelchair but I vowed that I would walk across that stage. Anyways, after that first year, his family started contacting me again. After a while, the dinner invites stopped and the occasional phone calls stopped. They were trying to help me move on with my life; they figured that I didn't need the constant reminders of what had been lost."

"Do you wish things had turned out differently? With the accident I mean?" I looked at her. Her face told me that she was reliving that day.

"Of course I wish things would have worked out differently. I was blaming myself for what happened to Patrick, but then I realized that he gave his life because he loved me." She paused and looked at the huge picture of a cross hanging on the wall opposite the bed. "I was cleaning out his things from his dorm room, his parents had asked me if I could do it, and I came across a letter he'd written to me the day before the accident. He hadn't had the chance to give it to me." She reached over my arm and flipped the page to reveal the letter.

"'_Dearest Cailín,_

_ There are no words to express how much I love you, there are no actions great enough. No matter what happens to us in the future, know that I love you from the bottom of my heart. You are the single greatest gift I have ever received. I look forward to the day when you become my wife; to the day we commit ourselves to each other forever. I will give my life to protect you; that is how much I love you. That is how much you mean to me. You, Cailín Star McClanahan, are my world. You are my life. Now and forever._

_ Love always, Patrick'_"

"I didn't find that until after the funeral. The college had granted us time to bury him before we had to clear out his things. I came to New York twice a year, every year after that. Some days I miss him so much it hurts. Some days I can't even force myself out of bed. Those days aren't as often any more but they do happen. I'm learning to move past his loss; to remember the good times we shared. I don't have any regrets when it comes to Patrick." She watched me flip the page. "Now, Matt, on the other hand…" I flipped through the rest of the album.

"It's not finished." I was "Captain Obvious" tonight.

"That's because I haven't found the fairytale ending. 'Some day my prince will come.' That day hasn't happened yet." She looked over at the clock. "Oh, man, it's nearly two. I'm going to be so cranky in a few hours when I have to help set up for the ball. Okay, really, all I'm doing is taking photos of everyone else setting up for the ball." She laughed a little. She crawled under the blankets while I stripped down to my boxers. After using the bathroom, I crawled under the covers and pulled her into me. It had been so long since I'd held someone like this I'd forgotten how wonderful it felt. I fell asleep to the sound of her peaceful, heavy breathing.


	16. Chapter 16

_Cailín's POV_

"Good morning." His voice nearly made me jump out of my skin. I had slept so soundly last night that I'd almost forgotten that Don was lying next to me. I looked at the clock and groaned. A whole, whopping five and a half hours of sleep; this was going to be a terrific day! "What time do you have to be at work?"

"Sam's coming at 8. We have to be at the hall by 9." I groaned again and flopped backwards onto the pillows.

"What?" He leaned above me. "How are we to explain this to my sister?" I nodded.

"I feel like I have a hangover even though I didn't touch any alcohol last night." I used a free pillow to cover my face.

"Come on, get up." He dragged me out of bed and onto the floor. I chucked the pillow at him. We were both grinning. He went to get dressed and I finally managed to stand. Then there came a knock on the door. "She's early." I went to check the peephole. I internally groaned when I saw Sam standing there with Eric.

"And she's not alone." I looked back down the hallway and saw Don come out of the bathroom with his shirt in his hand instead of on his back. "Eric's here."

"Let them in, we've got nothing to hide." Don smirked. I think he was enjoying this just a little too much. "They know I'm here. My car is a little hard to hide." I admitted defeat and opened the door.

"Well, this is a new development." Eric raised his eyebrows at us.

"Don't even start thinking it; nothing happened." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Oh, come on, I want details." He whined.

"Uh, you might, but I don't." Sam pretended to be disgusted.

"Oh, shut up. The both of you can go right back out that door if you don't stop." I was in no mood for this.

"Don, did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Eric asked.

"You could say that." Don replied. I rolled my eyes and headed back to the bedroom. I left the door open a crack as I tried to pick out something to wear. "Hey, Cai, are you alright? Besides being cranky from less than six hours of sleep." Don came into the room and closed the door all the way.

"I was thinking about what you said last night." I looked over at him.

"I said a lot of stuff last night; you need to be a little more specific." He walked towards me.

"What you said about the ball; how you didn't want me to go with Mac because you didn't want me going with anyone but you." I pulled a shirt out of the closet.

"What about it?" He sat on the bed. I opened a draw and grabbed a pair of jeans. I laid the clothes on the bed and stood in front of him, resting my hands on his shoulders.

"I'd like to go with you, but I don't think it's wise. We can hang out once we're there and maybe I'll save a dance or two for you. I should just stick to my 'date' with Mac." I smiled at him.

"You promise to save me at least one dance?" He replied. I could see on his face that he understood why I was saying this and why I felt this way.

"I promise. You should probably get going; I don't want you to be late for work." As I stepped away from him he grabbed my hand and kissed the palm. "What's wrong?"

"I just can't seem to shake the dream I had last night, but it's nothing. I'll see you later." He stood up and left. That statement, of course, left me wondering what he had dreamt about. I had to face the truth that I might never know.

"Shake a tail feather, Cailín! We're going to be late!" Sam yelled. I got dressed and we headed to the hall. After setting up and taking pictures, we all headed home to get ready for the big night. Sam, Eric, and I met at the diner for lunch and then headed to the pub. Sam was getting ready at my place and then the four of us were going to the ball together.

"You both look beautiful." Eric said as we entered the pub after changing into our dresses. "Don's jaw is going to drop when you walk into the room, Cailín." I rolled my eyes.

"Here comes Mac." I spotted my "date" walking up to the door.

"Are you three ready? You ladies look stunning." He offered me his arm and we headed to the car. "What's on your mind?" He asked as we pulled in front of the hall.

"Nothing, Mac, I'm fine." I smiled at him. I was a ball of nerves as we walked up the stairs leading to the hall where the Independence Day ball was going to be held. Mac squeezed my arm to reassure me that everything was going to be alright. As soon as we entered the room, it felt like a scene from some romantic movie. I stood there staring at Don and it was as if there was no one else in the room. The only part not in any Hollywood romantic movie: he hadn't noticed me yet. Mac led me down the stairs and over to Danny and Lindsay.

"Cailín, you look breathtaking." Danny kissed my cheek.

"Wow! Lindsay, you look amazing." I hugged her. She had become a dear friend in only a few short months.

"So do you. Has Don seen you yet?" She replied.

"I don't think so. Where'd Mac go?" I just noticed that he had disappeared. When I spotted him he was with Christine. "That was quick. I didn't think she was going to be able to get away from the restaurant this soon." I was jealous—not in that sense—it was just that I hadn't expected to be going stag just yet.

"Hey, there you are." Sam and Eric made their way over to us. "You'll never guess who's here."

"Who?" I looked at Eric. I couldn't help but think that Nick had somehow managed to sneak in.

"Not him. Harm and Sarah." Eric pointed to the main doors. There was Harm and Sarah standing in full dress uniform. Sometimes, Harm still took my breath away when he was in full uniform. I guess I just had a thing for men in uniforms. I waved and they made their way to us. George Strait's "The Breath You Take" started playing, and thoughts of my father surfaced.

"May I have this dance?" Harm extended his hand out to me. I smiled at him as I accepted. He led me out onto the dance floor. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It's just that this song had become one of my dad's favorites." He nodded and then we just enjoyed the moment. As that song ended, Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" started. I was more than happy to sit this one out. I wasn't much of a dancer and I had, during high school, vowed that I would only dance during slow songs. There wasn't too much movement involved with that. I hadn't expected a lot of this kind of music tonight, but given the fact that this is basically a 4th of July party… I watched as Sam and Eric tried not to make fools out of themselves on the dance floor; and laughed when they failed.

"They are strange." Don came up beside me and I jumped. "Sorry, I guess you didn't hear me?"

"No, I was too busy watching those two." I pointed at Sam and Eric. "How are you?" I tried not to appear affected by him.

"Good. How was your day?" We both continued to stand side-by-side.

"It was fine; nothing too eventful thus far." The song faded and the Mayor got up to speak. It was time to honor the men and women who have served and are serving in the armed forces.

"If you or a member of your family has served or is currently serving in any branch of the armed forces I'd like for you to step out on to the dance floor." Eric and I stepped out. As they raised the American flag, tears of pride swelled. I saw Harm and Sarah standing next to Christine and Mac. The atmosphere was so thick with pride that it was nearly impossible not to feel it; even for those on the side. I thought there would have been more than there were; only about 30 of us standing out on the dance floor as the rest applauded. "Now, I'd like those who are currently serving in the military to step to one side of the dance floor, those who have served to another, and those who have family who are currently serving to another, and those who have family who have served to another." I wasn't sure where to go so Eric and I stood in between the two sides dealing with family. "Why are you in the middle?"

"My father was a Top Gun in the Navy before retiring. My brother is currently a Top Gun in the Navy. I have family who has served and family who is serving." I replied. The mayor nodded. As we stood facing the American flag I could picture my father in full uniform at my mother's funeral, at Jason's graduation from the Naval Academy… it was no wonder Independence Day was one of my father's favorite holidays. I looked at Eric and he seemed to sense the same thing. As we sang the National Anthem, I could no longer hold back the tears. I leaned into Eric as the last lines rang out.

"The fireworks will begin in roughly one hour. We thank our service men and women, and their families. Not just those who serve in the military but those who serve the community here at home." The music started back up. Katrina Elam's "Love Is" started playing.

"You promised me a dance." Don came up to me. He led me out on to the dance floor and for the next three and a half minutes, everything was forgotten. I held close to him and held on as though I never wanted to let go. As much as I tried to tell myself that if I stayed away from Don Flack I'd begin to feel less and less for him; the truth was that the more I stayed away, the stronger I felt. Especially during moments like this; moments where I could forget the pain he was feeling. It was moments like this when I could forget about the fact that he was too afraid to let go of the past and believe that he did love me. But as the song faded, so did my hope. I broke my vow for the fourth time that week. "Cailín, what is it?"

"Nothing." I lied; there was no point in telling him the truth.

"Cai, don't lie to me." He pulled us into a secluded corner. "What's wrong?" Concern was etched on his face.

"Please, don't worry about it. A fleeting thought; it was nothing." I gained control and looked him in the eyes. "Come on, we don't want to miss the fireworks."

_Don's POV_

"You promised me a dance." I had seen her standing there on the edge of the dance floor and decided that it was now or never. I had seen her face when they were honoring the service men and women and their families. I knew she was missing her father, but for those three and a half minutes I tried to help her forget about everything. The harder I fought against my feelings for the woman in my arms, the stronger those feelings became. I was starting to lose the battle; I wasn't sure how much longer I could avoid the truth. As the song faded I noticed the tears. "Cailín, what is it?"

"Nothing." I knew she was lying.

"Cai, don't lie to me." I pulled her into a secluded corner. "What's wrong?" I couldn't help but be concerned; she'd been through a lot in the past few months and the past couple of days.

"Please, don't worry about it. A fleeting thought; it was nothing." She seemed to gain her composure and was able to look me in the eye. She seemed in control but I could tell that there was something troubling her. "Come on, we don't want to miss the fireworks." She took my hand and led me outside.

"Cailín, something's bothering you. I know it. When you're ready to talk, I'm here." I said right before the first fireworks went off. She smiled and nodded but then looked up to the sky. As the night went on I couldn't help but think about what she'd told me last night. What she'd said about Patrick and still missing him after all these years. It wasn't just me who felt the loss so strongly after three years. Cailín was still feeling her loss after six years. She had even said that some days the pain was so strong that she found it hard to breath.

"Don, can you stay with me again?" I looked down at her and the white light of the fireworks lit up her face. She was breathtakingly beautiful. "Don, did you hear me?" I had to shake myself out of the daze and focus on her original question.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" I certainly wasn't.

"If you don't want to, I understand. Will you at least take me home?" She looked disappointed.

"Sure." I wanted to say that I'd stay with her but I wasn't sure I could handle another night with her. She seemed to relax a little and we watched the rest of the fireworks.

"Good night, Cailín." We stood at her door. She opened it and then turned back to face me.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Her eyes pleaded for me to say "yes."

"I shouldn't." She nodded and then closed the door. I got to the bottom of the stairs and stopped. I couldn't get the look in her eyes out of my head. Before I could think of anything else, I was walking back up the stairs. I knocked. As soon as she opened the door, I kissed her. I backed her into the apartment and shut the door with my foot. She pushed me back against the door and locked it. She broke away from me when she went to set the alarm. Instead of coming closer to me, she backed up to the far wall. Her cheeks were flush and she was breathing heavy.

"I guess you changed your mind?" She said. I don't think either one of us had expected that kiss. It hadn't been my plan to kiss her, just to say that I changed my mind and would stay over. But when she opened the door… It looked as though she'd been crying. I hoped it wasn't because of me again.

"It seems so. About that kiss…"

"If you're going to apologize again, then don't say anything. If you're going to say that it was a mistake, then keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it." She stopped me. She turned around and headed to the bedroom. I turned out the lights in the living room and then followed her.

"Cailín, we should talk about this." She was sitting on the foot of the bed.

"Do you think it was mistake?" She was looking at her hands. They were trembling. It was only then that I realized her whole body was trembling.

"Cai, what's wrong? What happened?" I noticed a blinking light on her answering machine.

"Nick called." She didn't have to say anything else. I pressed play.

"Did you really think this restraining order was going to deter me? I'm watching you. You will be mine. You can run but you can't hide from me." He sounded down right evil. I turned back to look at her and she was curled in a ball on the bed.

"Cailín, he is not going to touch you. I won't let him get near you." I pulled her into my arms and held her.

"Make love to me?" She whispered and I barely heard it. "Please?" She looked up at me. I could see the longing in her eyes, but I could also see the fear. It was the fear that kept me from saying "yes."

"Cai, no." She pulled back a little. "It's not that I don't want… it's just that it's not the best time for that. This isn't the right time to make that kind of a decision. Cailín, it's not the right time for either of us. I'm here for you. I'm here for you not just because you're my sister's best friend or that you're Jason's kid sister; I'm here for you because you're you. I care about you. I care for you. I still want to be with you but not now. I have to be able to let go of the past; I have to be able to wake up in the morning and not feel the pain of missing Jessica." She leaned up and gently kissed me.

"I understand. I've been there, Flack. I know what you're going through. Back in DC, when I said that I'd never be with anyone else but you…" She sat up and took a deep breath. "Maybe I was talking in haste then…" She stood up. She seemed hesitant to say anything else.

"What are you trying to say?" Maybe she was trying to tell me that Susan, Samantha, and Mac had been right about me waiting too long. If that was the case then I hope she'd be happy; that she wouldn't later regret anything. At this point in time, I couldn't fight for her because I wasn't ready for that kind of fight.

"Maybe I was too quick to say it; maybe it was the grief talking. But now, now I'm positive. I have only dated one, well if you count Harm it's been two, man who has treated me with the love and respect I know I deserve. I know Patrick loved me more than life itself, and I loved him the same. We would have been so happy together. Do you believe things happen for a reason?" I nodded slightly. "I do. Everything in life happens for a reason. We may never know the reason but that doesn't mean it's not there. Patrick was killed for a reason I never understood till now. Da has been right all along. I fully believe it now, after everything I've been through. I am no longer talking in grief. Don Flack, you are the only man I could ever be with. In every way. I'll be here waiting for the day if or when you're ready for 'us.' I love you, Flack; I have always loved you." She stood there looking at me. She didn't seem to expect an answer, which is good because I didn't have one. After a few minutes, she climbed under the covers and turned out the light. I replayed her words in my head as I sat on the foot of the bed in the dark. I thought about what she'd said and about the dream I had last night. It was almost a little too déjà vu. After about 30 minutes of thinking, I finally crawled in next to her.

"Cailín, just knowing you'll wait gives me hope." I whispered in her ear. She pulled my arm tighter around her and we fell fast asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

_Cailín's POV_

I woke up to an empty bed but it wasn't long before I heard running water. I got dressed and then went out into the living room to get my stuff together for the day.

"Good morning." He came out of the bathroom. "If we're going to make this a regular thing, I'm really going to need to bring extra clothes with me." He smiled. "You look dressed to kill."

"I'm the photographer for a wedding today. It's at Central Park. I promised a friend from college that I'd be her photographer whenever she got married. She's holding me to it." I zipped up my camera bag and then leaned against the table. "What are your plans for today?" He stood in front of me and rested his hands on my hips.

"The usual stuff; my shift starts in an hour." Even though he said that now was not the time for "us" he seemed to enjoy touching me. "I know what I said last night and I meant it but I really want to kiss you right now."

"No one's stopping you." I knew that was a bad thing to say but I really wanted him to kiss me. I could still feel that kiss from last night. When he'd knocked on the door I had just expected to hear him say that he changed his mind. I had just listened to Nick's message and was so scared I was crying. After I broke away, I needed the wall for support.

"I am stopping myself. It's not fair to you." I had to smile even though it hurt. He and Patrick were so much alike it was scary. Truth be told, it had only been since I'd been around Don Flack, these past few months, that I hadn't felt the loss of Patrick so severely.

"Then can you release me so I can finish getting ready?" I teased. I was hoping he would catch on to it but he didn't and let me go.

"I can drop you off on the way to the precinct if you want?" He leaned against the kitchen counter.

"That would be great!" I was dreading the walk to the park in heels. "I have to be there around that time anyways, my friend wants pictures of everything." I headed into the bedroom to grab a necklace and then I was ready to leave. "Can you help me with this?" I held up the necklace.

"Sure." I turned around while he fastened the necklace. "Who gave you this?"

"Da gave it to me when I graduated from college." It was a unique locket. It had four picture compartments instead of just the normal two. There was a picture of my mother and father, one of Jason and Lacey, and the other two compartments were currently empty. I turned to face Don again. He opened the locket.

"Why are the other two empty?"

"One is for a portrait of my husband and me. I haven't decided what to put in the other one. There would have been a picture of Patrick and me…" Tears filled my eyes over the thought of Patrick. Next month would mark what would have been our sixth year wedding anniversary.

"Hey, no tears today; it's a day to smile and celebrate." He wiped away the tears I couldn't fight.

"I know; it's just that I wouldn't even be doing this wedding if I hadn't promised her. I've only been the photographer at one wedding and that was Jason and Lacey's. It's too emotional; it's too painful." I gained control and smiled.

"Ready?" I grabbed my camera bag and we headed out the door. "Call me later if you need a ride home or anything." He said as he pulled up to the sidewalk.

"I will. Be safe." I waved and then headed into the Park. The wedding was easy enough to find since there were balloons and flowers leading the way. I started taking pictures as soon as I arrived at the sight.

"Cailín!" My friend came running up to me. "It's been too long. How are you?"

"Hi, Molly. I'm well. I'm working as a photographer for the NYPD now." I hugged her and told her what I'd been up to.

"Really, one of Mark's groom's men is a cop with the NYPD." She called over one of the guys. "Cailín, this is Anthony. Anthony, this is Cailín. Cailín works as a photographer for the NYPD."

"Yeah, I think I've seen you around. You were at the Independence Day ball last night weren't you? You were with Detective Taylor and Detective Flack." I shook his hand.

"Yeah, my cousin, Eric, is dating Flack's sister. I've known Don and Samantha since we were kids." We talked for a few more minutes and then he introduced me to his wife. "Well, it was nice to meet you both, but I should get to work. I don't want to disappoint Molly." I waved and then headed off to where they were setting up for the ceremony. I took pictures of everything, just as instructed. The ceremony was beautiful and went off without a hitch. As I was taking pictures of their first kiss I heard a "click" sound. I turned around and saw Nick pointing a gun at me. Before I had time to react he shot me in the left shoulder and then in the stomach.

"Police! Freeze!" I could hear Anthony call out but I was now lying on the ground. Everything was getting fuzzy. I couldn't make out any sounds. I could feel the warmth of the blood soaking the dress.

"Hold on, Cailín, hold on." The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't focus on anything. Before I knew it, everything went black. Everything, suddenly, began to brighten and there was a silhouette of someone standing before me.

"Don't be scared, my Starlight." Daddy?

_Mac's POV_

I was standing outside the precinct talking with Don. He was explaining the shift in his and Cailín's relationship over the past few days. I had noticed it last night but didn't want to bring it up then.

"I know how she feels, Mac, but I'm afraid that if I admit how _I_ feel to her then I have to admit it to myself. If I admit it to myself, I feel like I'm forgetting about Jessica; like I'm betraying her." He looked troubled; like this was one fight he was tired of fighting but didn't know exactly how to stop.

"Don, Cailín won't let you forget about Jessica. She's been there; she knows what you're going through. She understands and has said that she'll wait no matter how long it takes. I'm just worried that something unexpected is going to happen and you're going to lose her without her ever knowing the truth."

"Three gunshot victims in the western part of Central Park. One known death, two wounded. One wounded is a police officer. Units please respond." We heard the dispatcher's voice over the radio.

"Get in!" Don nearly pushed me out of the way to get into the driver's seat. I ran around to the other side.

"What's going on, Don?" I saw a look of panic play across his features.

"Cailín was photographing a wedding in Central Park today. I'm afraid Nick may have just made good on his threat from last night." Don had brought in a recording of Nick's message that was left on Cailín's answering machine. I was afraid that something like this might happen. I could see Don start to shut down; he was remembering what had happened to Jessica a little over three years ago.

"Sheldon!" Don ran towards Sheldon who was knelt down next to someone. I could see the three victims. One had a napkin over his face; I assumed his was dead. The police officer who had been shot seemed to doing alright but it was the third victim that had everyone scared. I couldn't see their face but I could tell that it was a woman.

"Where's that ambulance?" Sheldon shouted in frustration. "Hang in there, Cailín, don't you give up on me!" He was applying pressure to her stomach.

"What happened, Sheldon?" I walked over to him.

"She's been hit twice. Once in the shoulder, which I've gotten under control, and once in the stomach; I can't tell what the damage is with all of this blood." He looked up at me and then back down to Cailín. "What I can tell you is that she's unconscious. She's been out for at least ten minutes now. She's breathing but she's getting weaker."

"Don, start questioning witnesses." I could see him start to lose it. He needed something to do; something to focus on. He nodded and headed over to the crowd. Sid showed up and started on the dead body. When he lifted the napkin off, I wasn't surprised at who it was. "Nick Worthington."

"He was dead when I got here." Sheldon was speaking but he was trying to get Cailín's bleeding under control. "I was close by, riding my park route when I heard the gunshots. There were two initially. I faintly heard a police officer identify himself and then another two gunshots. The last two were so close together it almost sounded like there was only one. I checked Nick's pulse when I arrived. He was already dead. I went over to Officer Mathis and he said that he was fine and that I needed to check on the woman. He said that she'd been shot first and that she'd been shot twice." He continued to explain the scene when he had arrived. We both looked up when we heard the ambulances approaching. They were finally here. The first paramedics attended to Cailín and the second attend to Officer Mathis.

"Jo, I want you at the hospital. Lindsay and Danny I want you to finish processing the scene. I'm going to head back to the lab with Sheldon." I gave orders and knew that they would be followed. I pulled Danny aside before I left. "Danny, keep an eye on Don. He seems to be flashing back to Jessica's death. If he seems to be losing it, take him to the hospital or bring him to me."

"Right, Mac. I got it." We looked over at Don and both of us could see him remembering back three years ago. "I hope she pulls through this, for his sake." I nodded and then headed to the Crime Lab.

_Don's POV_

When Mac and I arrived at the scene, I was still hoping that none of the victims were Cailín, but I was preparing myself for her being dead. I saw Sheldon kneeling beside a woman in the same dress Cailín had been wearing this morning. He was applying pressure to her stomach so she must have still been alive. Even with everything going on, I still managed to be transported back in time to the day Jessica died. I couldn't shake the fear that griped me; that threatened to suffocate me. I did as Mac asked and took statements from the witnesses.

"Don, let's go to the hospital. It's better than not knowing." Danny tried to get me to go to the hospital.

"I'm fine. Let's just get the job done." The hospital was the last place I wanted to be.

"I'm going to take this stuff to the lab and then stop by the hospital." Lindsay replied. "I'll let you know." She looked at Danny when she said it. Part of me wanted to know how Cailín was doing but the bigger part of me didn't. I didn't want to know because I didn't want to hear that someone else I loved had been killed. Loved? Did I love Cailín? It was something I never wanted to admit… to anyone, least of all to myself.

"Don, if you need a break…" Danny's comment broke me from my thoughts.

"I'm fine. Let's just get the job done." I repeated what I'd said earlier.

"Alright, but if you need a break, let me know. Don't just disappear." I only nodded and got back to asking questions.

_Lindsay's POV_

"Hey, Jo. How is she?" I walked into the waiting room where Jo was sitting.

"She's in surgery. Nobody's saying anything yet." We all felt the fear of losing Cailín. I had called Samantha on the way over.

"Lindsay, Jo!" Samantha and Eric practically ran up to us. "How is she?" Sam was leaning on Eric.

"I've called Jason. He said he'll be here as soon as he can; which basically means he'll be here within the next two hours." I looked at Eric. "He'll hop in his jet and be here soon." I nodded.

"Nobody's saying anything. They took her straight into surgery." Jo replied.

"I hope she pulls through this. I don't know what Don will do if she doesn't." I said and everyone nodded. I remembered how Don behaved after Jessica died. It wasn't pretty. He had nearly gotten himself killed. We never knew where he was; Danny and Mac covered for him but it was getting to be too much.

"Doctor, how is she?" Eric asked as the doctor walked through the doors.

"She's stable for now. We managed to get the bullet out of her stomach. Thankfully, there wasn't extensive damage. She's lost a great deal of blood. The next 48 hours are going to be critical." He took a deep breath. "If she's a fighter, there's a good chance she'll make a full recovery. She's resting now, but you can see her in a few hours."

"Thank you." He handed me a bullet. "That's good news." I felt relieved. "I'm going to take this over the lab and then call Danny. Jo, you should call Mac." She nodded and I headed to the crime lab.

"Messer." I called Danny on my way into the lab.

"Danny, Cailín's stable. The doctor says that she's lost a lot of blood and that the next 48 hours are critical. He said that if she's fighter there's a very good chance that she'll make a full recovery. I'm not sure if you can get Don to come or not… I think she'll fight harder if she knows he's there."

"I'll try, thanks for letting me know." He hung up and I could tell that Jo had already talked to Mac who had spread the news.

_Don's POV_

"Don, that was Lindsay." Danny walked up to me. I wasn't sure what he had to say but I knew that I couldn't take it if she was dead. "Cailín's out of surgery. She's lost a lot of blood and the next 48 are critical but she's strong. She'll make it through this; I know she will."

"That's good news." I wasn't sure how to react.

"Lindsay thinks that she'll fight harder if she knows you're there." He was asking me to go to the hospital without asking me to go to the hospital.

"She'll be fine even without me there." I walked away after that. I spent the next two days locked in my apartment. It wasn't until Mac knocked on my door that I realized how long it had been.

"You look awful." I let him in. "She's awake. She's been asking about you." He stood near the door.

"How is she?" I had to know. I'd been thinking about her and Jessica for the past two days.

"She's weak, but she's hanging in there. The doctor wants her to take a few months to fully heal. She's been talking to her brother about going home for most of it."

"That would be good for her." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"There's more." He looked at me.

"What?"

"She's thinking about moving to Annapolis. She's seriously thinking about quitting the PR job and moving to Annapolis to be closer to her brother and his family." I stood in shock. I couldn't believe what he was saying. At the same time, there was nothing I could think of that would help matters. "You should stop by and see her. She's being discharged tomorrow. She could be heading home with Jason as early as Thursday." He left soon after. I sat down and ran my hands through my hair. I had no idea what to do anymore.

_Cailín's POV_

"How are you feeling?" Jason asked when he noticed I was awake.

"Sore, tired. I'll be fine, Jase." I smiled at him. "Has he shown up?" It was the same thing I asked every time I was awake.

"No, Star, he hasn't. I'm sorry but I don't think he is going to show up." Jason wiped a tear from my cheek. "Do you still want to go home with me on Thursday?" I nodded.

"Hey, girl, how are you feeling?" Sam walked in.

"I'm tired and sore but that's to be expected." I smiled weakly at her and Eric. "I'll be glad when I can get out of this hospital though."

"Hey, get some more rest. You'll be out before you know it." Everyone left. I lay there thinking about Don. I knew he had to be struggling with all of this: it was too close to what Jessica had gone through. He could have lost me the same way he lost her, but, right now, he was losing me in a completely different way. After fighting for my life, I realized that I needed to move forward. I'd still be waiting if he ever decided that it was the right time… but I couldn't just sit around and wait. There would be no more sleep overs, no more hanging out by ourselves, no more pretending that it didn't hurt every time he pushed me away. I knew I needed time away from him and from the city where he lived. I'd be going home with Jason for two of the three months of healing time that the doctor recommended. I'd come back for the final month but after that… well, after that was up in the air. I'd either continue to live in New York or I'd move to Annapolis to be closer to Jason and farther away from Don.

"Cailín?" I looked at the man in the doorway.

"Hey, Mac." I smiled at him. He'd been to see me at least once a day since the shooting.

"How are you?"

"Tired. How is everyone?" I had seen all of the team except for the one I really hoped would come.

"We're glad to see you doing so well. I stopped by Don's apartment earlier. I take it he hasn't come by?"

"No he hasn't. I don't think he will. I know he's struggling with everything; I can't blame him in that sense. But what I don't understand is that I thought we were friends. I thought, in that sense, he'd stop by at least once. I can't take this anymore, Mac." I took a deep breath as I tried to fight the tears. "I thought we were friends…" I couldn't fight the tears any longer.

"I can't speak for him; he's shut everyone out. I don't know what's going on with him. I even told him that you were talking about moving to Annapolis to see if that would get a reaction out of him…"

"There's no point, Mac. None of us can force him to do anything. He says he wants to be with me but it's never the right time. I'm starting to believe that it's never going to be the right time. I used to wake up every morning and feel the pain of losing Patrick as though it had happened the day before… that was until I moved to New York and spent time with Flack. This morning was the first time I've felt that pain since I first moved back here. This morning was the first time I've truly felt alone; without any hope of being with someone for the rest of my life. There were times, these past two days, when I no longer wanted to fight; when I no longer felt a reason to live."

"Cailín, give him time." Jason walked into the room.

"I meant what I told him; I'll wait for him, I will, but I can no longer pretend that it doesn't hurt every time he pushes me away. I might as well be living in a different state; it's clear he doesn't care." I turned my head away from them and closed my eyes. "I'd like to take a nap now."

_Don's POV_

"Don, I know you're in there!" Someone was banging on my door. I'd been lying on the bed thinking and must have drifted off to sleep.

"I'm coming!" I yelled. When I opened the door, Jason came barging in. "What the heck, Jason?"

"I could kill you! You have no idea what all this has done to my sister. You act like you don't even care that she could have died. Every time she wakes up, she asks if you've stopped by and every time I have to say 'no.' Every time I say 'no' she slips farther and farther away. For some reason, unbeknownst to anyone of us, she still wants you; she still loves you and this is how you treat her. She told Mac, and I quote, 'There's no point, Mac. None of us can force him to do anything. He says he wants to be with me but it's never the right time. I'm starting to believe that it's never going to be the right time. I used to wake up every morning and feel the pain of losing Patrick as though it had happened the day before… that was until I moved to New York and spent time with Flack. This morning was the first time I've felt that pain since I first moved back here. This morning was the first time I've truly felt alone; without any hope of being with someone for the rest of my life. There were times, these past two days, when I no longer wanted to fight; when I no longer felt a reason to live.'" He paused to let that all sink in. "I can't give you the same agony that was in her voice. Swallow your pride and stop hiding behind a dead girlfriend." He left before I had the chance to reply. _"…'I used to wake up every morning and feel the pain of losing Patrick as though it had happened the day before… that was until I moved to New York and spent time with Flack. This morning was the first time I've felt that pain since I first moved back here. This morning was the first time I've truly felt alone;… There were times, these past two days, when I no longer wanted to fight; when I no longer felt a reason to live.'"_ I could picture her face now; the agony that she must have been feeling. I could see her blue-green eyes darkened by pain and sadness. I was kicking myself for it, because I knew _I_ could have prevented her from feeling that way had I just been brave enough to go to the hospital when Danny first suggested it. Now, I was too late.


	18. Chapter 18

**The song featured in this chapter is _Second Chance_ by Katrina Elam from the movie and soundtrack _Pure Country 2: The Gift_. I do not own the song, any aspect of it. I was listening to the album when I was writing this part of the story and the song fit. I hope you're enjoying so far. R&R please and thank you... again! :)**

* * *

_About two months later (Don's POV)_

"You haven't even called her?" Samantha was sitting on the couch in my apartment.

"No. What's the use?" I hadn't heard from Cailín since she'd gone home with Jason almost two months ago. She was spending the first two months of her three month recuperation time with Jason and his family in Annapolis, MD. I hadn't seen her since the morning of July 5th; the morning before she'd been shot by Nick Worthington.

"You're an idiot." My sister looked at me. She wasn't angry with me any longer, but I knew she felt sorry for me. She felt sorry for me because I was an idiot. "She's coming back at the end of the week. She wants to be in New York on August 29th." I knew that date from somewhere but I couldn't think of where I'd seen it. "You need to talk to her; for her sake as well as yours." She stood. "Eric and I are meeting Pops for dinner, you're welcomed to come if you want to."

"Where?" I already knew. There was really only one restaurant that our father loved to eat at. "His favorite?"

"No, actually. Pops suggested Shamrock. You don't have to come; no was forcing you, but it would be nice if you could join us." That made me suspicious. She was practically begging me to come to dinner without making it seem like she was begging. To top it off they were going to Shamrock; Eric's family was going to be there… "Don, it would me a lot to me and Eric if you came. We're meeting at 5:30." She smiled and then left. I was very suspicious now; something was going on and I had a feeling I knew what it was.

_Cailín's POV_

"Aunt Cailín?" Sarah looked over at me.

"Yes, Sarah?" I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car. We were on our way to New York City. I had talked to Sam the other night and told her that I wouldn't be back until the end of the week. I knew that Eric was planning a surprise for her and he had asked if I would come back early.

"Why are we going to New York?" She was sitting in the back next to the car seat. Lacey was sitting behind me. Andrew had been home for over a month and the doctors said that he was strong and healthy. They hadn't seen any issues in taking him with us.

"To surprise everyone." I glanced back at her. We'd been able to spend a lot of time together over the past several weeks. It had been good for Jason and Lacey as well. I had been well enough to be able to babysit.

"I mean, why are you going back to New York? I thought you were going to be staying with us?"

"No, sweetie, I have to be back at work soon." It had been great being able to spend time with Jason, Lacey, Sarah, and Andrew but I was looking forward to getting back to my own apartment.

"How's Berlin doing?" I looked over at Jason and then at the puppy on my lap.

"She seems to be doing alright. She's sleeping right now. We might need to stop once before we get there but she's doing just fine." The Siberian Husky puppy had been a gift from Harm and Mac. She'd already been housebroken and was a bundle of energy. She and I seemed to have formed a bond the moment we met. In all reality, Berlin had been the one thing that helped me get up in the morning. She'd wake me up by licking my face. I couldn't help but wake up with a smile on my face even though I couldn't stop thinking about Don. I hadn't heard from him since the morning of the shooting. I honestly hadn't expected to.

"Do you think he'll be there tonight?" Lacey asked. Andrew was asleep.

"Eric said that Sam was going to try to guilt him into going. She doesn't know that we'll be there so she won't be able to tell him that." I replied. It wasn't until Eric had called the other night, after I'd finished talking to Sam, that we had even planned to return today. I knew I wanted to be back in New York on August 29th because that would have been my wedding anniversary. I had told Sam that I wanted to be back by the 29th but not why. If she told Don, he might have figured that out by now. But, who knows? It's not like he cares anyways.

"Do you think he'll show?" Jason asked.

"If Sam says the right things he'll show up. If she acts like something's up, even if she doesn't know what exactly, then yeah, he'll show up." I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes.

"Are you tired, Aunt Cailín?" Sarah asked.

"A little, Sarah, I'm getting better though." I smiled and shifted my weight. The movement caused Berlin to wake up. She yawned. "Did you have a nice nap, Berlin?" I scratched behind her ears.

"You know, I've never been to New York before." Sarah sat forward as the city's skyline could be seen from a distance. "Is that it?" She pointed at the tall buildings.

"Yep, that's it, honey." Jason smiled. Except for when he came to the hospital, it had been a long time since Jason had been in New York. "Man, I still can't get over how different the skyline is since September 11th."

"I know, it's still so weird. I can remember coming up for a college trip; it was a little unnerving seeing the difference. One of the reasons I fell in love with photography buildings was because of the Twin Towers." I pointed out the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building to Sarah.

"Aunt Cailín, can you take me to the top of the Empire State Building?" They were planning on staying in the city for about a week.

"Sure, sweetie, we'll go one day this week." I replied. We pulled in front of the pub. We went up to my apartment and then I called Eric.

"You guys made it?" He asked.

"I wouldn't have said that we were here if we hadn't, Eric." I rolled my eyes.

"Duh. Does Sam know you're here?"

"No, I talked to her before I talked to you. She still thinks that I'm not coming until the end of the week. Is Don going to be there tonight?" I asked, wondering if he knew.

"I think so, but I'm not sure. Sam doesn't even really know what's going on tonight." He sounded a little nervous.

"Are you nervous about something?" I teased. I knew what Eric was planning and he hadn't told me. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. "Eric, it didn't take me long to figure out what you were up to. Why do you think I agreed so quickly to come back a few days early?"

"Just don't say anything to Sam." He wasn't too bright sometimes.

"I'm not going to talk to her before tonight. At least, I don't plan on talking to her before tonight. If she calls me, I'll just pretend that I'm still in Annapolis." I laughed; this whole thing was just too funny. "I'll let you go so you can calm down some before tonight." I hung up after he said goodbye and that he'd see me in a little while. We watched Berlin check out her new home before getting ready for dinner.

"Cailín!" Susan ran up to me when we entered the pub. She was about to hug me and then she remembered what had happened. "How are you?" She hugged me lightly.

"I'm doing a lot better. I have a dog now." I showed her a picture of Berlin.

"Awww! She's so cute! When did you get her?"

"Harm and Mac gave her to me. I've had her for about a month now, I think." Just then Uncle Rick and Aunt Mary came in from the kitchen.

"When did you guys get here?" Aunt Mary hugged us. "And this must be Andrew!" She cooed at the sleeping baby.

"Yep, this is the newest addition to the family." Lacey smiled at her husband and then down at her son. "Cailín, can you take him for a second?"

"Sure." She handed Andrew over to me just as Don walked through the doors. He stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed me standing there. "I'll warm up his bottle." I told Lacey. She looked between me and Flack and then nodded. She handed me the bottle and I went into the kitchen.

"Cailín?" His voice sent my heart fluttering. "Samantha said that you weren't due back until the end of the week. What's going on?"

"Hi, Flack. That was the plan when I last spoke to her. Eric called me right after that and asked if we would come up early." I asked. "Can you hold him while I check the temperature?"

"I guess." He didn't sound too sure but he took Andrew anyways.

"Perfect." I tested the temperature of the formula and then set the bottle back on the counter. He handed him back to me. "Are you hungry, little one?" He smiled up at me. "Can you hand me that bottle?" I was wearing the sling. Instead of handing me the bottle, Don stuck it near Andrew's mouth.

"I'm guessing this is Andrew?" Don smiled a little. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing a lot better. I'm not nearly as sore anymore. Both wounds are healing nicely and are expected to heal completely within the next couple of weeks."

"Sam and her dad are here." Jason came into the kitchen. "I'll take him." I handed Andrew over to his father.

"Cailín, get your butt out here now!" I heard Sam yell.

"I guess I shouldn't keep her waiting." I laughed a little and then headed out of the kitchen.

"I thought you weren't coming till the end of the week?" She hugged me. I grimaced a little.

"We decided to change the plans a little and come a few days early so Sarah could see New York." I couldn't exactly say that Eric had asked us to come a few days early.

"This is the first time since Andrew died that I've closed the pub. Tonight is going to be just the family." Uncle Rick said. We all gathered around the table and talked for a little while. Dinner was served around 6:00 and most of them were still trying to figure out what was going on.

"Why the special meal?" Jason asked. I looked over at Eric who then glared at me. I couldn't help but smile. Even with Don sitting next to me, I could still feel happy and like my old self again. Dessert was served and that's when things got interesting.

"What is this?" Sam looked at the plate that had been set in front of her. There was no dessert, just a note. I took out my camera and starting taking pictures. "It says that Eric has my dessert?"

"Samantha Flack, I have something I would like to ask you." Eric was on one knee. If you asked me, it was a little too soon for them to be thinking about marriage but if they felt it was right for them, who was I to say anything? "I don't expect an answer now and I don't expect to set a date any time soon, but Samantha Flack will you marry me?"

"YES!" She jumped on him and they both fell to the ground. I took pictures of everything. "Cailín, did you know about this?" Sam looked over at me when they were sitting again.

"I had a theory, but I didn't know for sure." I laughed; it was good to be home.

"Alright, I think it's time to call it a night." Uncle Rick yawned. It had been a couple of hours since the engagement and it was getting late. Sarah was already asleep.

"Hey, sis, we're going to stay over at Eric's. We'll call you in the morning to see about the day." Jason hugged me and then carried Sarah out to the car.

"No, Cailín, you go upstairs and get some rest." Aunt Mary stopped me from helping them clean up.

"Alright, I'll see you all later." I waved and then headed upstairs. I wasn't complaining. I was still tired and sore from the gunshots. "Hey, Berlin, are you enjoying your new home?" I smiled down at the little dog at my feet. I walked over to the couch and sat down; she jumped up next to me. She had seemed to know that I was hurt because she never once sat in my lap. I had even picked her up and placed her there but she would always go to the couch and lay her head on my thigh instead. I had just gotten comfortable when there came a knock on the door. "Just a minute!" I yelled. I really didn't want to get up and apparently Berlin didn't either.

"It's Don." Now I really didn't want to get up.

"What's up?" I asked when I opened the door. I stepped aside to let him in. Berlin sniffed his at his feet.

"How are you doing? We really didn't get a chance to talk earlier." I looked at Don and then decided that I was too tired to be mean. I sank onto the couch and Berlin jumped up beside me again. "Who's that?"

"Berlin; she was gift from Harm and Mac." I scratched behind her ears as she got comfortable. "Like I said, I'm doing a lot better. I'm not nearly as sore as I was at first, but, then, you know how gunshots go." He nodded. That wasn't the answer he was looking for.

"So, Mac said that you were thinking of moving to Annapolis? He wouldn't go into details; I think he was just trying to get a reaction out of me."

"He was but I guess it didn't work." I paused. "I haven't decided about the move yet. This week will help me decide." Berlin snored a little and I smiled. "What's new with you?" I tried to change the subject. I really didn't want to talk about me or him or us. All I wanted to do was rest and then sleep.

"Nothing much; I'm seeing someone." I didn't react… at least not that he could notice.

"How's that going?" I pretended to be interested. I tried to muffle a yawn.

"I lied; I'm not seeing anyone. I was just seeing if you'd react. I know you're tired. I'll go and let you get some rest." He stood to leave.

"Flack?" He turned to look at me. I stood up and walked towards him. "Thanks." I kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for checking on me even if it was two months after the fact; even if you never once came to the hospital." I tried not to sound too bitter about all of that but I know I couldn't hide it. "Night; I'll see you around. After all, we're going to be family." He smiled and then left. I locked the door and then crawled into bed. Berlin curled up on the foot of the bed just like always.

_August 28__th__ (Don's POV)_

I was sitting on the couch in my apartment just thinking about the other day. There was a lot for me to think about. Cailín was back in town, she didn't react when I said that I was seeing someone, and my sister got engaged after only dating the guy for a few months. It helped that we all grew up together but still… I thought about Cailín the most, though. I turned on the radio and started to flip through the stations.

_What do you do when love comes along  
And offers your heart a chance to move on  
With no guarantees, no safety net?  
You trust what you feel, you take that first step_

_Just close your eyes  
Reach for the moment before it slips by  
Here is your second chance  
Take it and fly_

It wasn't a station I would normally listen to but those first few lines made me stop. The longer I listened to the song the more I realized that it was speaking to me. Cailín had followed through with the words of this song but I still wasn't sure I could.

_The weight of the world, the need to survive  
Has made you believe that you've got no right  
Then out of the blue you meet someone  
Who offers a place warm as the sun_

_Just close your eyes  
Reach for the moment before it slips by  
Here is your second chance  
Take it and fly_

"Who offers a place warm as the sun…" I pictured Cailín's laughter; her bright blue-green eyes glowing with warmth.

_Just when you think  
Love is a distant dream  
Oh, oh, oh  
Fate gives you wings_

_Just close your eyes  
Reach for the moment before it slips by  
Here is your second chance  
Take it and fly_

I couldn't not picture Cailín as the song faded. As I was sitting there I realized something. I had felt an emptiness the past few mornings; it hadn't been the same emptiness that I'd felt after Jess' death, but I still thought that it was because I missed her. Now I realized it wasn't Jess I was missing. Well, not as much as I had been; Jessica wasn't the main person I was missing anymore. I missed Cailín, I missed her a lot. It was now time to take the step; it was now time to tell Cailín everything. I loved her and now I realized that I couldn't live without her.


	19. Chapter 19

_Cailín's POV_

I was so busy getting ready for tomorrow that I didn't hear my phone ring. I couldn't ignore it any longer when it kept ringing. "Hello?"

"Cailín, what are you doing tomorrow?" It was Sam.

"Going to the cemetery. Why?" I was tired and still sore. I was still a long way from being fully recovered from the gunshots.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me?" She was still hyped up from dinner the other day.

"Probably not, I don't know how long I'll be at the cemetery and I'll probably be too tired to do much after I get done. This week with the family hasn't exactly been restful." I smiled as I thought about all the sightseeing I did with Jason and them. Jason and I were going to say good-bye to Da tomorrow and then they'd be heading home. I had more to take care of at the cemetery. "Sam, tomorrow would have been my wedding anniversary."

"I know, I guess that's why I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping. If you change your mind let me know, alright?"

"Of course. If we don't go shopping, maybe we can go out for dinner or something?" I tried to let her know that it wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with her. She was my best friend and my soon-to-be cousin-in-law.

"Sounds good. I'll call you tomorrow if I don't hear from you first. Good-night, Cailín."

"Good-night, Sam." I hung up and then sat on the couch. Da's urn was sitting on the mantel. "Da, I don't know how to say good-bye. When I was laying in that hospital, fighting for my life, it was like you were there. It felt like you were holding my hand and telling me that it wasn't my time yet. I miss you so much, Daddy." Berlin nudged my hand and I smiled at the little fur ball. "Are you ready for bed?" She let out a little bark. We headed to the bedroom and I had just settled into a comfortable position when my phone rang again. I didn't even reach for it.

"Cailín, it's Don." My breath caught. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from or talk to…" He sounded off. "I was wondering if we could talk sometime in the next day or so. There's something I need to tell you. I'll understand if you're not up for it. Just give me a call or something. Good-night." I tried not to cry but that tension was too painful. It was hard to hear his voice and not want to call him. I wanted to talk to him; I needed to talk to him but it wasn't the best time. Not only was I trying to heal physically, I was also trying to heal emotionally. It had been a rough several months. I never pictured any of this when I stood in Time Square that day so many months ago. It had been a beautiful late, spring day and now we were entering the last few weeks of summer. I wouldn't have come back to the city if I had any idea that I would have my heart shattered into a million pieces by someone I didn't think had that effect on me. I didn't plan to fall in love with Don Flack again, but I had. With that thought, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"Good morning, sleepy head." I heard Jason's voice above me. I opened my eyes and he was holding out some clothes for me. As I went into the bathroom, I noticed that the light on my answering machine wasn't blinking.

"You listened to my messages?" I looked at Jason and my eyes narrowed.

"Guilty. So sue me; Cailín, you've got to get passed this. I hate to admit it but Don doesn't know what he wants. I hate seeing him toy with your emotions like this. I don't want you talking to him; not for a while at least." He sat on the foot of the bed.

"Jason, it's my life. I'll do what I have to…" I headed into the bathroom. He was still sitting on the bed when I came out. "Don't look at me like that. You have no idea what it's like…" I looked at the picture of Patrick and me that was on the dresser.

"You're right; I don't know what you went through and I don't know what Don went through… but you can't keep using Patrick as an excuse anymore. He's been gone a long time now; it's time to let it go." He stood up and walked into the living room. I stepped into my shoes and followed.

"I know." I picked up Da's urn and we headed to the cemetery. Lacey, Sarah, and Andrew were waiting in the car. "Hi, mom." I knelt down next to the headstone. The funeral home had made a small hole for Da's urn to fit in. Tears fell from my eyes as I laid the urn in its spot. "Now you're together again. We love you both so much."

"She's right; we love you and we miss you but it's time to let go. You'll always be with us; watching over us. I hope we made you proud." Jason laid a hand on my shoulder as we both managed to say good-bye. I stood up and hugged my brother. We walked back to the car. I leaned against the side and stuck my hands in my pockets.

"Have a safe drive home and call me when you get there." I didn't look at Jason who was also leaning against the car. He took my hand and placed a ring box in it. "What is this?" I opened the box.

"It's Da's cladaugh ring." He handed me another ring box. "And that's Mom's. Star, you should have them. They were supposed to be yours. Lacey and I had new wedding bands made. These have more meaning for you than they ever did for us." He watched as I placed Mom's ring on my right ring finger with the heart facing out. "Switch it." He switched it so that the heart was facing in. "You may not be in a relationship, but your heart is available." He pulled me into a hug and then they drove off. I watched until they were out of sight and then I made my way to Patrick's grave.

"Hey, Patrick." I took my necklace off, undid the clasp, and slid the ring off. I put Da's cladaugh ring on before putting the chain around my neck. I looked at the engagement ring. It was time to let go. "I guess this is long overdue; I should have said good-bye a while ago now. I just didn't know how. I miss you so much it hurts sometimes; I think I'll always miss you a little bit. I know you wouldn't want to hang on to the past; you wouldn't want me to be sad anymore." I wiped the tears away. I placed the ring on the base of the headstone and smiled as I remembered back to the day he'd slipped it on my finger. We'd been sitting on a bench near the library… he'd been playing with something. It wasn't anything special; it wasn't from Tiffany's or any fancy jewelry store. It had come from a vending machine and had cost a whole quarter. It had been the thought that meant the most. He told me that we'd get a better one once we weren't worrying about tuition. "Good-bye, Patrick. You will always be a part of me and I will always love you." I finished saying my good-bye and then headed out of the cemetery.

"I didn't expect to hear from you so soon." I called Sam as I sat on a bench near the entrance of the cemetery. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I was just wondering if you could come get me. I didn't expect to be this tired." I replied. She could hear that my breathing was labored.

"I'll be right there." She hung up and I tried to relax a little.

"Cailín?" I opened my eyes to see a woman standing in front of me.

"Rebecca?" It was Patrick's sister. I tried to stand up but a pain shot through my abdomen.

"Hey, are you alright? You don't look so good." She came over and sat next to me.

"I'm fine; I was shot almost two months ago. I'm still a little sore; that's all." I tried to sound like I was alright. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Patrick. You?" She looked concerned.

"Same; I also had to lay my Father to rest with my Mom." I placed a hand on the gunshot wound. Something wasn't right.

"Are you sure you're alright? Cailín, maybe you should go to the hospital." She tried to get me to see reason. I nodded. I decided to lie on the sidewalk.

"Cailín?" I could hear Sam in the distance. "What's wrong? Oh, that can't be good."

"We need an ambulance at the cemetery. I don't know, my friend said she had been shot about two months ago. She's bleeding. I don't know what happened." Rebecca was talking to someone on the phone; I guessed it was 911.

"Don, something's wrong. Cailín's bleeding again…" Sam was on the phone. I wanted to tell her to hang up but I couldn't move. "I don't know what happened. She called me and asked if I could pick her up from the cemetery. She was lying on the sidewalk when I got here. Yeah, someone's called 911 already." She looked at me; worry plain on her face. I could hear sirens in the distance and they were getting louder. I wasn't losing focus or concentration; I wasn't bleeding too much but just enough to cause concern.

"Miss, are you hurt?" Okay, I know it's a routine question, but really? Did the blood not give them a clue? EMTs are not all that bright sometimes.

"Dude, really?" I replied; blood loss not dampening my sarcasm at all. "Am I hurt? I'm bleeding for crying out loud! I was shot almost two months ago and I've started bleeding again!"

"Cailín, calm down, he didn't mean…" Sam tried to get me to calm down but I knew she was thinking the same thing I was.

"Cailín, you're going to be fine." I could hear Rebecca next to me.

"Do you want me to call Jason?" I looked at Sam. There wasn't any need to worry Jason right now.

"Not yet; unless there's something seriously wrong, there is no need to worry him." She nodded. I was loaded up into the ambulance. Sam and Rebecca were right there with me.

"Do you have any idea what might have happened?" The EMT asked me.

"No. I was laying my Father to rest and then I went to visit my late fiancé… I have no idea what might have happened. I didn't even realize that I was bleeding until after I had called Sam. Patrick is buried towards the back of the cemetery and so I walked back to the entrance. I was so tired when I reached the bench…" I took a deep breath and tried to think. "I checked both wounds this morning and they seemed fine." I tried to remember what the wound on abdomen looked like this morning. " Maybe some of the stitches were coming loose? I thought that was just what they did…"

"It's going to be fine. It doesn't look that bad. The doctor will want to check when we get to the hospital." The EMT responded.

"If I never get shot again, it'll be too soon." I joked. Sam laughed a little. Rebecca was confused. Sam explained what had happened over the past few months; she left out everything about Don though, at least for the most part.

"Cailín, what were you doing at Patrick's grave? I thought you said your good-bye?" Rebecca looked at me. "I thought you were moving on?"

"I thought so too. With everything that had happened over the past few months… I realized that maybe I hadn't said good-bye; not for real. I guess I didn't really want to let that part of my life go. Today… today was for real. I will always miss him; I will always love him, but it was time that I truly let go of the past." She smiled at me and then we reached the hospital. "Sam, is he coming?" I looked at Sam as the wheeled me into the hospital.

"I don't think so. He sounded really busy. Cailín, I just don't know about him anymore." Sam smiled weakly.

"Alright, let's see what's going on." The doctor came into the room. He took a look at the wounds and then scribbled something on my chart. "It's nothing serious. Some of the stitches have come out and it wasn't completely healed. You were right to think that stitches will start to come out after a while. We'll get you cleaned up and re-stitched. You should be back to normal in a few hours… relatively speaking, anyways." He laughed.

"No offense, Doctor, but I'd rather not be back here for a while… not until it's time for these stitches to come out for good." I stated. He nodded with a smile on his face.

"I'll be right back." He left the room and Lindsay came around the corner.

"I was already here. What happened?" She came into the room in a hurry.

"Nothing serious; just the gunshot wasn't healed completely and the stitches were coming out." I replied as I rested my head on the pillow. "I'll be back on my feet in no time." The truth was; I'd rather be off my feet for the next month or so.

"Don called me. He knew I was here with a victim and asked if I would stop by to see how you were. He would have been here but we've got a massive case right now." She squeezed my hand. "Speaking of; I should get back to the lab. If you need anything, call me." I nodded and she left.

"I doubt he would have been here." Sam mumbled.

"Samantha, don't." I looked at her. I didn't need that negativity. "He called me last night."

"What?" She asked in shock. "What did he say? What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I didn't answer the phone. He left a message saying that he wanted me to call him. He said that we needed to talk."

"Are you going to call him?" Sam stood beside me.

"Who are you two talking about?" Rebecca asked confused.

"My brother, Don Flack." Sam answered.

"Detective Don Flack?" We both looked at Rebecca.

"Yeah, you know him?" I asked.

"We had dinner together, kind of like a date."

"When?" It was Sam's turn to be shocked. I squeezed my hands into fists as I fought the tears.

"Get out, both of you." I said through clenched teeth. Tears stung my eyes and there was a lump in my throat.

"Cailín?" Rebecca looked at me. She took a step toward me but there must have been something in my eyes that made her stop.

"Get out." I hissed. I hadn't meant to be so mean but I couldn't take it anymore. I watched as they left the room. Don came into view; shocked to see Rebecca there.

_Don's POV_

When Samantha called me to tell me that Cailín was bleeding again I had been watching an interrogation. I called Lindsay to see if she could check on Cailín; I knew she was at the hospital with a victim. I'd left the precinct when the interrogation was finished.

"She's fine, Don, nothing serious." I had met Lindsay as she was leaving the hospital and I was entering. She told what room she was in and so I went to see her. As I neared the corner, I stopped in my tracks. I hadn't expected to see Rebecca standing there with my sister. I looked into the room and Cailín glared at me. I'd done something wrong, yet again.

"Rebecca, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Why didn't you tell me that you knew her?" Rebecca asked as she looked at Cailín.

"How do you know her?" I looked between Rebecca and my sister.

"Patrick was my brother. I hadn't seen Cailín in years, but when I went to visit Patrick, she was sitting on a bench just inside the cemetery." I watched as the doctor stitched up Cailín's wound. Her fists were clenched around the sheets. I knew she wasn't in pain from the stitches… at least it was just the stitches. I was an idiot. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Even if he is… Don, leave Cailín alone. For her sanity, leave her alone." Sam said before walking into the room.

"I keep messing everything up with her. I've had so many chances to let her know how I feel but I've chickened out every time." I leaned against the wall and looked at Rebecca. "I'm sorry."

"Don, it's fine. It's not like we were serious. We've had dinner once. Cailín is a wonderful person; I'm sorry that I haven't been in contact with her as often as I should have been. I was trying to let her move on with her life and find someone new. She has. She's found her second chance at love and at her fairytale ending. The question is: have you?" She kissed me on the cheek before heading outside.

"Don, go back to work. I'm sure they need you there more than I need you here." Cailín came out of the room. Her voice was harsh and I knew that it would be a while before she'd talk to me. I'd messed up again, and this time I wasn't sure how to fix it.


	20. Chapter 20

_Cailín's POV_

It was now November and a light dusting of snow covered the city. I was back to my old self and getting ready for the Christmas special edition of the department newsletter. Walking down the streets of New York City during the weeks leading up to Christmas was as beautiful as it was hectic. Thanksgiving was just around the corner and air was buzzing with excitement. I was sick of it. I was sick of seeing the happy couples trying to get their Christmas shopping done early; the children begging their parents to visit Santa. If I didn't have to work, I'd be happy to just sit in my apartment and wait for the end of the madness.

"Cailín, cheer up!" Sam snapped me from my morbid thoughts. She was searching for the perfect present for Eric and had dragged me along to help. I wanted to throw up; I was happy for them, really I was, but I wasn't in the mood for yet another happy couple. You'd think it was Valentine's Day… Oh, god, if Christmas was just around the corner, then Valentine's Day was not far behind. Now I really wanted to throw up. "What about this?" Sam held up a framed jersey.

"Seriously, Samantha?" I raised an eyebrow. "He doesn't need yet another framed jersey… especially one that isn't his. He doesn't need any more hockey equipment either; he gets all that for free." I walked over the jewelry counter and looked at the watches. "He could use a new watch though." I pointed out.

"So could Don." She remarked. I glared. I hadn't really seen or spoken to Don since that day at the hospital back in August. He'd listen to everybody when they told him to leave me alone. Rebecca had called to apologize; stating that her and Don were just friends. She said that she wouldn't have gone out with him even that one time had she known. I didn't blame her. I didn't blame Don either, not really. I was just tired of him not being able to decide anything. I told him I'd wait and I would, but I wasn't a patient person. "Are you thinking about Mark?"

"No." Mark was the newest journalist at the PR department. He was friendly enough and had asked me out last week. I let him down gently, letting him now that I wasn't dating anyone anytime soon. He'd been content with that but it didn't stop him from trying to hang out with us. I felt bad for him, though. He was new to the city and didn't really know anyone. "He's a nice guy, but you know why I said 'no.'"

"Yeah, I do." Sam looked at some of the watches. "I don't know; they're nice but nothing says 'buy me'." I nodded and we headed out of the store. "We could go shopping on Black Friday."

"_You_ could go shopping on Black Friday." I raised an eyebrow at her. I hated shopping on Black Friday; I'd done it once and that was enough.

"The best deals. It would be fun" She teased. I knew her enough to know that she didn't want to go shopping on Black Friday any more than I did. "This store looks promising." She pulled me into a men's clothing store.

"Can I help you ladies with anything?" A sales person approached us. He was definitely sizing us up. It was as if he was trying to see if we could afford anything in that store. I doubted it.

"We're just looking." Sam smiled politely. I would have liked to smack that fake smile off her face, but I was being the Grinch so I figured I'd hold back. That didn't stop me from rolling my eyes though.

"Anything in particular?" He was persistent.

"She's looking for a Christmas present for her fiancé." I knew she didn't like using that word yet. She glared at me. "He's athletic; big into hockey." No need to mention names right now. I wondered if this guy had ever been to a hockey game.

"What's his favorite team?" Sam and I looked at each; both of us were trying not to laugh. He waited for our answer.

"The New York Rangers, of course." Sam replied after gaining her composure back.

"Isn't that Eric McClanahan?" Some guy asked as the door chimed, signaling that someone had entered the store. I swore I heard Sam moan. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"I was so hoping to get the shopping done before I saw him." She muttered and then plastered a smile on her face when he approached. I laughed.

"What's so funny?" Eric looked at me.

"Nothing at all; your fiancé and I were just looking for a Christmas present for you." And cue death glare from Sam. Oh, boy, was I a Grinch. "She was going to get you a framed jersey." I couldn't help it.

"Oh, you were?" He teased. He kissed Sam on the forehead and then looked at the sales person.

"Can I help you with anything, Mr. McClanahan?" He asked seeming completely in shock that Eric was standing there.

"Not really. I just noticed that my fiancé and cousin were in here so I decided to stop in." He smiled politely back at the man. The guy looked between me and Sam. I had to get out of there before I lost composure and cracked up laughing. "You ladies finished in here?"

"Yes, at least I am." I replied as I spotted Don coming out of one of the dressing rooms. "I'll catch you guys later." I left in a hurry. I didn't want to stick around for any awkward moments. I ducked into the nearest store and hid behind a clothing rack.

"Can I help you with anything?" I turned to the sales woman.

"Truthfully, I'm trying to hide. It's a long story and I'd rather not go into details with a complete stranger…" I looked at the window. Crap! Sam spotted me; Eric and Don were with her.

"Well, while you're hiding, maybe you'd like to see what we have on sale? There are some great pieces for the holidays." She smiled. I nodded and went to look at the sales racks.

"Cailín, what are you doing?" Sam came up next to me.

"Shopping. What does it look like I'm doing?" I didn't look at her. I held up a dark red v-neck sweater.

"It looks like you're trying to avoid my brother. Cailín, you can't keep avoiding him like this. You two need to talk things out; get everything out in the open and move on. It has become very awkward when we're all hanging out together." Sam laid a hand on my shoulder. I grabbed a couple of pants and went into the dressing room.

"What's going on?" I could hear Eric talking to Sam.

"She's trying to avoid me, again." Don was there. As I was wondering how long I could hang out in the dressing room, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sis, what's up?" It was Jason.

"Nothing much, just shopping." I tried to sound normal. "What's up with you?"

"Sarah was wondering if you wanted to come down for Thanksgiving?" He paused. "I was thinking that you might since you might need to get away from the city for a few days." He knew me too well.

"That sounds wonderful, actually. I can get there on Wednesday and spend the weekend. I'll have to be back to work on Monday." This just made my day so much better. We finalized the plans and then I hung up. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked tired; I felt tired. Not physically but mentally and emotionally exhausted. I need to get away from the city for a little while.

"Cailín?" Eric looked at me. I headed to the cash register with the clothes. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Eric, I'm fine." The four of us headed out of the store.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Please tell me you're not going to wallow in self-pity at home?" Sam looked at me; I knew she was concerned about me. "You know you're always welcomed to join us."

"Thanks, Sam, but I'm actually going to Jason's. He just called and Sarah wants me to come for Thanksgiving. Can you guys just stop worrying about me? Please?" It made me feel worse actually.

"Until you can stop being a Grinch, we'll continue to worry about you. You're family, Cailín." Eric squeezed my shoulder. I smiled a little.

"I think I'm just going to go home. I'll talk to you guys later." I headed for the pub.

_Don's POV_

I had been shocked to see Cailín with Samantha and Eric in the store. She was the last person I expected to see when I came out of the dressing room. Apparently, I was the last person she wanted to see. She bolted out of the store so fast, I wasn't sure what happened. We walked down the sidewalk and Sam spotted her in another clothing store. They were talking and then Cailín went into the dressing room. That's when Eric and I went in.

"What's going on?" Eric looked at Sam.

"She's trying to avoid me, again." I said. They knew I was right. I thought I heard her phone ring but I wasn't paying attention to her conversation. I needed to talk to her but she'd been avoiding me ever since the hospital in August. I still felt horrible about that.

"Cailín?" Eric asked as she came out of the dressing room and headed to the cash register. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Eric, I'm fine." She replied as we headed out of the store.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Please tell me you're not going to wallow in self-pity at home?" Sam was concerned about her. We all were. "You know you're always welcomed to join us."

"Thanks, Sam, but I'm actually going to Jason's. He just called and Sarah wants me to come for Thanksgiving. Can you guys just stop worrying about me? Please?" She sounded run down; like she needed a break from everything.

"Until you can stop being a Grinch, we'll continue to worry about you. You're family, Cailín." Eric replied and she smiled a little.

"I think I'm just going to go home. I'll talk to you guys later." I watched as she walked out of sight.

"Don, I don't care if you're trying to give her space, or what, you need to talk to her." Eric turned on me.

"Just the other day, you and everyone else were saying that I need to leave her alone; that she needed her space." I countered. I knew he was right; there was no way to avoid the truth anymore.

"Don, I know what we've said. She's miserable. She hardly wants to hang out anymore and when she does it's awkward. I know you've felt that." Sam looked at me. I nodded. I had felt that it was awkward whenever Cailín and I were in the same room; of course that rarely happened anymore. "Go, talk to her."

"Alright, but if she's worse tomorrow, don't blame me." I said. I got into my car and headed to the pub. I looked to see if she was inside before heading to the apartment door. I knocked and then waited.

"Just a minute!" I heard her call out. I could hear barking in the distance. "Oh, Berlin, hush." The barking stopped. "Don?" She opened the door.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but we really need to talk." She stepped aside and I entered the apartment. "You changed things around." I noticed that she had rearranged her living room.

"Yeah, it opened the space more." She walked over to her light table and turned it off. "What do you want to talk about?" She leaned against the bar and crossed her arms.

"That day at the hospital." I looked at her. She seemed so closed off and I had no idea how to reach her.

"What about it?" Berlin came up and sat beside her. She looked at the puppy and then at me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. Cailín, I…" I didn't know what to say anymore.

"Don, I don't blame you. I'm not mad about that. It's just that when you left that message…and then hearing from Rebecca that you two had gone out on a date…" She paused. "I know that I said I would wait and I will, but I'm sick and tired of getting mixed messages. I can't help but feel awkward around you and knowing that that makes everyone else feel awkward…"

"I know. I'm not trying to confuse you. After you went to Annapolis to recover, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I could have lost you that day. When I saw you laying on the ground covered in blood… the only thing I thought about was running into that café and seeing Jess covered in blood, struggling to live. Cai, I couldn't shake that memory; I felt like I was reliving it. I didn't go to the hospital because I was afraid. I was afraid of losing you like I lost Jess. Mac came over and chewed me out and then Jason came over and chewed me out." I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to think of the right words.

"Don." She walked over to me and laid her hands on my shoulders. "Look at me." I couldn't look her in the eyes. "Don, I get it. I do. If it had been you, I would have felt the same way. I'm not mad at you. Sometimes I just feel that it's better if we don't hang out together. It makes everyone else feel awkward. I know everyone as told you to give me some space. Jason told me that he didn't want me talking to you for a while. Of course that was back in August, after he listened to your message." She sighed. "Don, I wish you'd look at me." She rested her forehead against mine and rested a hand on the back of my neck.

"Cai, I…" Before I knew what was happening, I felt her lips brush against mine. A jolt of electricity flowed through me as my body responded to that touch. I fought against it; as hard as I could I fought against it. As suddenly as it happened, she was gone. I opened my eyes and saw that she was in the kitchen. "What was that?"

"A mistake, obviously." I could hear the hurt in her voice; the hurt that was probably evident in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who should be sorry. Cailín, it wasn't a mistake." She stopped whatever it was that she was doing. "Cai, I really need to tell you something. The night that Eric and Sam got engaged…" I searched for the right words. "I couldn't believe that you had come back earlier than what Sam had told me. A few days later, as I was listening to the radio, I realized something." I paused. I wanted her to look at me.

"What did you realize, Flack?" She turned to face me. I approached her and held her face. As she tried to pull away, I knew that I had to tell her.

"I realized that I'm in love with you; that somewhere along the way I've fallen so hard that you were the one I'd miss when I woke up in the morning. You were the one constantly on my mind. Cailín Star McClanahan, I love you." I stepped back when she didn't say anything. "Am I too late?" I knew she said she'd wait, but had she given up? Had she decided that she'd waited long enough?

"Don Flack…" She smiled. "You are an idiot." She laughed a little and her eye sparkled with unshed tears.

"What?" I smiled a little; unsure of what she was trying to say.

"They could have told you that. I think they all knew; they tried telling me but I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't believe it until it came from your lips." She rested her hands on my hips. "It's about time." She wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I don't know why I didn't see it sooner; I could have saved us both a lot of headaches and heartaches."

"You didn't see it because you didn't want to; you couldn't get past the past. I've been there; I know what it's like." She pulled back to look in my eyes. "Don, I love you. I've always been in love with you." I smiled as she did. "Do you want to join us for Thanksgiving?" I thought for a moment.

"I can't. I promised Pops that I'd spend the day with him, Sam, and Eric. Maybe I can make it there Thursday evening and spend the weekend with you?" I kissed her nose.

"I'd like that. I think Jason might like that too." She rested her head on my shoulder again. We could have stayed like that all night but there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?"

"It's Sam and Eric." She looked at me before going to the door.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked as they entered the apartment.

"Checking to make sure Cailín isn't contemplating suicide because you broke her heart again." Eric glared at me. I rolled my eyes and Cailín did too. She looked at me and smiled.

"Oh ye of little faith, cousin." Cailín walked over to me and I wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Does this mean you've finally come to your senses, Don?" Sam asked, hopeful.

"If you're referring to me realizing that admitting my feelings for Cailín would lift a weight off my shoulders as coming to my senses, then yes." I smiled.

"So no more moping around, Cailín?" Sam looked at her.

"No more moping around, Samantha."


	21. Chapter 21

_Cailín's POV_

"So, no more moping around, Cailín?" Sam looked at me.

"No more moping around." I smiled at her as I wrapped an arm around Don. I was still kind of in shock from the whole thing. I hadn't expected anything like that to happen. I wasn't sure what Don was doing knocking at my door; I had been stunned when I opened it and saw him standing there.

"Alright, well, we just wanted to make sure everything was good." Eric pulled Sam out of the apartment. "Oh, you are going to call Jason about this, right?" Eric popped his head back in.

"I'll call him tomorrow. It's too late now." I replied before shutting the door. After locking the door, I leaned against it and looked at Don.

"What?" He came and stood in front of me. I was lost in his baby blue eyes; completely content to stay just like that. "Earth, to Cailín…" He smiled at me and waved his hand in front of my face. I shook my head.

"Sorry, I was dazed for a moment." I smiled at him before nuzzling into his chest and wrapping my arms around him.

"What are you going to say to him?" He pulled back to look at me.

"I have no idea." I was dreading that phone call. "I'll think of a way to help him understand. He's not too happy with you."

"I gathered that when he came to my apartment after you'd been shot and chewed me out for not going to the hospital. Did you really feel like you had no reason to live? Did you really feel like giving up?"

"Yeah, I did." I walked over to the fire place. The embers were glowing; I had been waiting for it to die out before going to bed. "I was so tired and weak. It would have been easy to give up; it would have been so easy to quit. Then I thought about Sarah and the promise that I made to her. I promised that I would never be more than a phone call away. After that boost of strength, I thought about you. I thought about what my death would do to you. Even though I felt that you didn't care, I knew in my heart that you did. I knew that it would have been harder on you to go to the hospital…"

"But?" I felt him standing behind me. I didn't want to relive this; I didn't want to bring this up but we had to work through this if we were going to try and be together.

"But I didn't understand why you couldn't have called at least. I expected you to at least call to see if I was alright. I told Mac that what hurt the most was that I thought we were friends and you hadn't even called to check on me."

"Cailín, I'm sorry. I know there's nothing I can do to change that. I regret not going to the hospital; not calling. I just couldn't face the thought of losing someone else I loved. I didn't want to admit how I felt about you even to myself. I always felt that if I did, I'd be betraying Jess. Mac had been so worried that I wouldn't get the chance to tell you how I felt; just like I hadn't gotten the chance to tell Jess that I loved her. He had almost been right. There's no telling what I would have done if I'd lost you, Starlight." I turned at the sound of that nickname. "Your father was right. Just as you were the brightest star in his life; you are the only star in mine." He made a face at those words. "Okay, that was a little cheesy, wasn't it?"

"A little, but it was sweet." We stood in silence for a minute. I don't think either one of us really knew what to say or do now. He placed his hands on the mantel, trapping me in the middle. He leaned in and just as our lips were going to touch, my phone rang. "Ignore it." I pulled him closer. I leaned up to meet him and then came a voice that I didn't want to hear at the moment.

"Cailín, answer the phone now! Eric called me. Pick up, now!" Jason sounded pissed.

"I'm going to hurt that cousin of mine." I groaned. I was going to let Eric have it when I saw him again. I told him that I was going to call Jason… why didn't he let me explain it to him.

"You should call him back." Don walked over to the couch. I picked up the phone; admitting defeat wasn't something I wanted to do right now. But before I called my brother, I decided to call Eric just to see what can of worms he'd opened.

"You idiot." I said as soon as he answered. "What did you tell him?"

"Cailín, before you send death glares over the phone, let me explain."

"It's a little late for the death glares. I was sending those before I called you. What did you tell Jason?" I had to remind myself to remain calm; I didn't know what Eric had said yet.

"Just that I thought he needed to call you; I didn't say much. Just that Don was over at your place…"

"You what? Eric, I'm going to hurt you! You had no right to say anything to him. I told you I was going to call him tomorrow and explain; you just couldn't wait could you? Didn't you trust me? Did you honestly think that I'd not tell my brother about this?" I couldn't believe Eric's logic at times.

"It's not that I didn't trust you. Jason called me to see what was going on with you; apparently he'd been trying to reach you on your cell and you weren't answering." I walked over to my cell phone and noticed the four missed calls from Jason. I rolled my eyes and showed the list to Don.

"And so you said that the reason I wasn't answering was because Don was over here?"

"Yeah, basically. That's all I said though, I didn't mention anything else… not that he gave me much of a chance to."

"Alright, fine. I won't hurt you too badly later… but if you ever pull something like this again." I said good-night and hung up.

"So, what did he tell Jason?" I sat on the couch next him.

"That you were over… Jason called four times within ten minutes. I don't even want to think what went through his mind after hearing that you were over." I shook my head.

"Do you think that he'd think that we…?" A smirk appeared on his face.

"Unfortunately, yes. That thought probably crossed his mind and wipe that smirk of your face before I do it for you." I teased. "I guess I should call my brother back."

"What the heck is going on, Cailín?" Jason still sounded pissed.

"Hello, to you too, brother." I really didn't want to do this tonight.

"You and Don aren't… weren't?" If I could smack him through the phone I would.

"No, absolutely not. Good grief. I mean really, Jason? That was your first thought when Eric told you that Don was over? Really?" My brother wasn't too bright; it must run in the family.

"Well, yeah basically." He admitted. He sounded a little embarrassed. Good.

"I can't believe you. You know I hadn't seen or spoken to him since August and yet you assumed that the reason I wasn't answering was because he and I were…" Men! I would have expected this from Eric, but not Jason.

"Well, what did you expect? What were you two doing?"

"We were talking. We were sorting things out; figuring things out." I looked at Don. He placed a hand on my knee and then inched closer. Really?

"So did you two work things out? Are you two finally together?" He sounded defeated; like he knew he couldn't be angry with either of us if I was happy. I squirmed under Don's touch. I could tell by the smirk on his face that he was getting exactly the reaction that he wanted.

"Yes we worked things out." I tried to calm myself as Don nibbled at my neck. Was he trying to make me losing my concentration? I laughed as he ran his fingertips lightly across my bare stomach.

"Cailín?" Jason's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Yes Don and I are together, finally. Hey, Jase, can I call you tomorrow?" I sucked in a breath as Don nipped my earlobe. It was definitely hard to focus on anything but his touch now.

"She'll call you tomorrow, Jason." Don took the phone from me and then hung it up. He placed it on the coffee table as he pushed me to lie down on the couch.

"I can't believe you did that." I smiled. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to do something like that, especially since he knew that Jason still wasn't convinced of this whole situation. His lips crashed onto mine and everything else was forgotten. He started to unbutton my shirt but I stopped him. I stood up and walked to the far wall. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks; I couldn't believe I was embarrassed right now. I wasn't a vain person usually, but the thought of my scars broke me from whatever desire I had.

"Cailín, what's wrong?" He sat up and looked over at me; hurt shining in his eyes. Tears stung mine.

"I'm sorry; it's just that…" I laid a hand on the scar that was on my abdomen. He nodded. He stood up and walked over to me.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have pushed like that."

_Don's POV_

"She'll call you tomorrow, Jason." I took the phone from her and hung up. I pushed her to lie back on the couch.

"I can't believe you did that." She smiled. I couldn't believe I'd done that either. Not to mention the caresses while she was talking to her brother. I didn't care though. I kissed her and everything else in the world was forgotten. I started to unbutton her shirt but she stopped me. I watched as she walked to the far wall; her cheeks flush.

"Cailín, what's wrong?" I sat up and looked at her. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry; it's just that…" She laid a hand on her abdomen. Her scars; I nodded in understanding. I walked over to her and rested my hands on her hips.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have pushed like that." It wasn't uncommon for people to be self-conscious about new scars; especially when the event that caused them was still so fresh in their mind. I pushed her against the wall gently. Thinking about that day back in July; thinking about the fact that I almost lost her was too much.

"Don? What is it?" She placed a hand on my cheek and made me look at her. "You're thinking about that day, aren't you?" I nodded and moved my head to kiss her palm.

"Don, there was nothing you could have done to protect me. Just as much as it would have hurt you if I died… I wouldn't have been able to deal with losing you. Watching you get shot at the hockey game was more than enough for me; watching you lay on the ice, lifeless was too much." She shook her head. "We shouldn't be looking at the past anymore. It does nothing but bring a cloud of darkness over us; that's not the way to start out." She rested her head against the wall and looked at the ceiling.

"What's up?" I could tell she was thinking about something.

"Besides the ceiling?" She smiled at me. "Nothing, I was just trying to figure out what to say to Jason… and then everyone else. They've all told me to stay away from you; that nothing good would come talking to you. Of course, then they wonder why it feels awkward when we were in the same room. We hadn't talked; we hadn't figured anything out."

"They'll have to deal with it. I know that they're going to be fine with whatever we tell them. Jason might be a little different though."

"You think… and now, after the stunt you pulled." She glared at me. "I'm going to have to convince him that nothing happened."

"The night's not over yet." I grinned and inched closer. She sucked in a breath and tried not to blush. She was too cute. "You're so innocent."

"Hey, just because I haven't slept with anyone doesn't mean anything." She ducked under my arm and headed for the chair.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I watched as she sank into the chair.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She teased. I growled. "Did you just growl at me?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Keeping secrets?" I went over and sat on the arm of the chair.

"Do you really want to know? I don't want to know about your women. I don't feel that I need to know, but if you want to share, I'll listen." She looked up at me.

"Well, there was one before Jessica, then there was Jessica, and then after her death… there were too many to count." That sounded bad.

"One-night stands?" I nodded. "I get that. It was a way for you not to think about what had happened. Harm was that to me… not a one-night stand, but a way for me not to think about what happened. Harm was after Patrick but before Matt. Harm and I weren't together for too long, just long enough that I realized that there were other men out there like Patrick. Harm helped me realize that there were still descent men in the world." She stared off into the distance as she thought about something.

"What are you thinking about?" I rubbed a finger across her cheek.

"My parents; I was thinking about what I remembered from their marriage." She smiled at me and then stood up and stood in front of me.

"What about them?" I rested my hands on her hips and pulled her close.

"They were so happy together. I can't remember a day where they weren't laughing or smiling. I always wanted a relationship like that. I always wanted my fairytale." She thought for a moment. "I still want my fairytale, but I know that life isn't as easy as a fairytale; a real relationship takes work, but if both are willing to work at it… that's when they both get the fairytale." She smiled. "We've definitely had our ups and downs, haven't we?"

"Yes, and we will probably have many more." I kissed her nose. "Hopefully, though, we'll have more ups than downs now." She yawned and then looked at the clock. "It's getting late, maybe I should get going." I really hoped she'd ask me to stay, but I highly doubted it.

"It's late. Why don't you just stay over? It's not like it would the first time." She smiled.

"Nor the last, probably." She blushed a little. "When you're ready, Cai, when you're ready."


	22. Chapter 22

_Cailín's POV_

"I'm here." I called Jason as I pulled in front of his house.

"Hey, sis." He came out and met me in the driveway. "Just you?"

"I told you on the phone that he wasn't coming till Thursday evening. He promised to spend the holiday with Samantha and their dad." We entered the house. It smelled like Lacey had been baking all day. "Pumpkin pie?"

"And cake, cupcakes, cookies… she went a little crazy this year." Jason smiled. I entered the kitchen and saw what he meant. There were baked goods on just about every surface in the kitchen and dining room.

"Uh, hi, Lacey." I was a little speechless. I don't think I'd ever seen that many cookies and cupcakes besides in an actual bakery. "What are you doing?"

"Sarah's school is having a bake sale this Saturday. All of the other moms have backed out of their responsibilities so I've been stuck baking dozens of cookies and cupcakes." She looked exhausted. "I figured I get most of them done today and then finish up on Friday. Where's Don?"

"Spending the holiday with his sister and father; he'll be here tomorrow evening sometime." I shook my head. "Let me help." I set my stuff by the wall and grabbed cookies that were cooled and ready to be put into bags. "Where's Sarah? Shouldn't she be helping?"

"Oh, she was…" Jason looked at Lacey. "It was better if she helped look after Andrew."

"Well, she can help put labels on the bags and watch Andrew at the same time. How is my nephew doing?" I tossed the bagged cookies into one of the baskets on the floor. Berlin sniffed at it and then decided to lay in front of the sliding door.

"We are waiting for the day when he starts sleeping through the night." Lacey replied. "I'll go get the kids." She headed into the living room.

"How are things with you and Don?" Jason looked at me as he checked on the cookies that were in the oven.

"Good; things are good so far." I smiled as I continued to bag the cookies; two to a bag.

"Have you and he…?" He stopped midsentence as Sarah came into the room.

"Hi, Aunt Cailín!" She hugged me and then scratched Berlin under the chin. "Mom said that you wanted me to help?"

"Yeah, start sticking labels, girl." I pointed to the basket of bagged cookies and the stack of labels on the table. "Jason, we'll talk later." He nodded and pulled the cookies out of the oven.

"Honey, those cupcakes go in next." Lacey pulled up a chair next to me and sat down. Andrew was asleep in his playpen. "I'll be glad when this is over. If they try to do something like this again and then back out at the last minute… I'm not doing this again."

"Aunt Cailín, where's Mr. Don? Daddy said that he was going to be here." Sarah asked. I looked at Jason.

"No, I said that he might be here. Don't get me in trouble with your aunt." He teased.

"He's coming tomorrow evening, sweetie." I had talked to Don before I left work today and he confirmed that he was going to head down as soon as he could tomorrow. They were planning an early Thanksgiving meal and so he would probably be here before it was dark. He was going to call when he left there. "He promised that he'd spend Thanksgiving with his family."

"Okay." Sarah replied. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that she was hard at work sticking labels on the baggies. She was doing a good job; making sure they were straight.

"Once you've got that basket full, hand it to your dad and he can mark the price." I grinned at Jason.

"How did I get roped into helping with this fiasco?" He joked. We spent the remainder of the day in the kitchen trying to get most of the baked goods bagged and marked. We managed to get them all bagged before calling it a night. "Alright, Sarah, say good-night to your aunt. It's past your bedtime."

"Night, Aunt Cailín." She yawned and then waved before heading up the stairs.

"You can choose either one of the guestrooms; they're both made up." Lacey said.

"I'll stay down here, just in case Berlin needs to go out during the night." I smiled at my brother and sister-in-law. Lacey picked up Andrew and headed upstairs.

"Are you sure everything's alright between you and Don?" Jason looked at me.

"Yes, Jason. Things couldn't be better right now. And to answer your question from earlier: no we haven't slept together." I grabbed my coat and Berlin's leash. "He's spent the night a couple of times but nothing happened. It's not the right time for that; I'm not ready for that kind of step. Not right now."

"And he's fine with that?" Jason still wasn't convinced about this relationship.

"Yes he's fine with that. Jason, don't worry so much. You look tired, go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." I hugged him and then he, reluctantly, went upstairs. I hooked Berlin's leash on and went outside. The one downside about Jason's backyard was that there wasn't a fence. As I looked up at the clear, star-lit sky my phone rang.

"Hey, Flack." I smiled and answered when I saw who was calling.

"How's it going down there?" He sounded tired.

"Good. Apparently, Sarah's school scheduled a bake sale for this Saturday and all the other parents backed out at the last minute so Lacey has been baking up a storm. We spent the past several hours bagging and tagging the cookies and cupcakes." I smiled at the wording I used.

"You've been hanging around us too much. Are the cookies and cupcakes evidence?" He caught the reference. "Anything besides a bakery explosion?"

"Jason isn't convinced that this is going to go well." I sighed.

"What's wrong?" I wished he was here.

"I just wish that Jason would trust us; that he'd keep his opinions to himself and let us try this." I paused. "I wish you were here. I miss you already." I had just seen him that morning.

"I miss you, too. I'll be there tomorrow. Don't worry too much about Jason; he's just looking out for you. I haven't had the best track record with you, so he's bound to be a little concerned." I could hear the television in the background.

"What are you doing?" I changed the subject.

"Watching ESPN. What are you doing?"

"I'm outside with Berlin. Everyone has gone to bed." I looked at the moon. Berlin came running up to me. "Tomorrow won't come soon enough for me. I don't want to sound like a clingy girlfriend or anything but I do miss you already."

"I know how you feel. I wish I could get out of the Thanksgiving meal tomorrow, but Samantha would kill me. Pops still isn't taking it easy on her and she's needs an ally. Eric will be there but Pops isn't taking too well them him either. I thought he was happy about the engagement but the more the four of us are together the more I realize that he doesn't believe it will last." He paused. "Cai, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?" I leaned against the side of the house.

"Do you believe that Eric and Sam will last? Do you thing that they're not making a mistake?" I could tell that he was in the same boat that Jason was.

"Well, it sounds like you are in the same boat with Jason." He laughed a little. "It's like I told Sam the other day: I think that they moved to fast. They hadn't been dating for very long and to get engaged so soon… well it wasn't something I would have done. Patrick and I were together for a year and a half before we got engaged and then we were going to have two more years before getting married. Anyways, I told Sam that I believed that their relationship would last as long as they didn't rush into marriage. I've urged her to have a long engagement; I've urged them both to have a long engagement."

"But?" He knew where I was going.

"It's their life and their choice. I believe that Sam and Eric are smart enough to do the right thing; to do what's best for them. I think Sam is no hurry to get married; she's still taking it one day at a time. It's easier for her to have Eric for support. I'm not sure how much you know about Eric's early years with the Rangers?"

"Not much; he doesn't like to talk about it." I nodded at that comment.

"It was rough for him. It was rough on the whole family. Patrick had been gone for about two years, Rick and Mary were having some issues, Susan wasn't doing well in school… those were some tough times. My father had gone in for some medical tests around that time and so there was so much stress on everyone. Jason was overseas and Lacey was having a hard time adjusting to not having him around." I took a deep breath. "Eric turned to alcohol. He was not a very nice person for about a year." I paused as I tried to find the words.

"Cailín, what is it?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Do you remember that day in the park, around when I first moved back to the city?"

"When you asked what it would be like to die?"

"Yes." I felt a tear run down my cheek.

"Yeah, what about it?" There was a hint of anger in his voice.

"Eric had been drinking a lot for about a year and he wasn't fun to be around. He was a mean drunk. His drinking only fueled the issues between Mary and Rick and whatever was going on with Susan. I was staying with Lacey and Sarah when Lacey received a phone call from the Navy. Jason's plane had gone down somewhere in the Atlantic and they weren't sure if he'd survived. We didn't hear anything for over a week. It got to be too much for me."

"Cailín, what are you saying?" I wish he was here. I wish I could see his face.

"It's not something we like to talk about; it's definitely one of those times where the family remains silent." I took a deep, shaky breath. "I couldn't take everything that was going on. The stress from not knowing about Jason, Da's health, Rick and all the issues that were going on with that part of the family… I couldn't take it anymore. Eric stopped drinking the day he heard that I tried to kill myself." There was silence. The silence seemed to last forever. I was beginning to think that he'd hung up.

"…" He sighed. Tears ran down my cheeks; I'd tried to forget that darkness. I tried to forget about the depression I had been in; no one in the family liked to talk about it. Berlin whimpered when she sensed my emotions.

"Don, say something?" I choked out. I wasn't sure what he was thinking; I don't know what I'd be thinking if things were reversed.

"Why didn't you ever mention this?" He didn't sound angry. I don't know what emotion was in his voice.

"It's not something I like to talk about. I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I was still so depressed over losing Patrick and then hearing about Jason's crash… I was sinking so fast that I didn't know what else to do." I still felt horrible about what I'd put the family through. "I was so selfish. Everything was happening to me; I didn't think about Da, or Lacey, or even Sarah… all I could see and feel was the darkness that surrounded me." I laid my head against the wall as I stopped fighting the tears. Berlin whimpered louder.

"Cai, it's not your fault. I can't blame you. There's something I haven't told you; something I haven't told a lot of people. Not even Mac." He paused. Berlin nuzzled against my leg. "I was there when we discovered the suspects who shot up the café. I was the one who found the one who had ultimately killed Jessica. I was so angry towards him for what he'd done…" I could tell this was hard for him.

"Don, you don't have to say anything. I understand. I…"

"No!" I jumped a little when he shouted. I knew he wasn't angry with me; he was angry with himself. "When I became a cop, I swore an oath. To serve and protect; even if they were the scum of the earth. I crossed the line that day. It's something I have to live with. Mac didn't want to know because then he would have been forced to report it. He said it was something that I would have to deal with on my own." He was crying and I couldn't do anything about it. "I would disappear days on end; I wouldn't show for work… I could have gotten fired but Mac and Danny, mainly Mac, covered for me. I snapped out of it eventually."

"How? What happened to make you realize that you couldn't continue down that path?"

"Apparently, I'd gotten so drunk that I wasn't paying attention to anything. I was on the subway, on my way home, when a bunch of guys approached me. I was beaten and one of our informants found me and took me to his place. I guess at some point he'd called Mac. Mac laid into me; I'd never seen him that pissed. That's when he said that he knew what I was going through. I tried to tell what happened when we found the suspects… he didn't want to hear it. He said that if I crossed the line it wasn't for him to decide, but it was something that I would have to live with." He was silent for a moment. "It was after that that I pulled myself out of the darkness. How did you? What made you realize you could self-destruct?"

"That's the funny thing—not funny as in a joke, funny as in ironic—Eric was the one who made me realize that I couldn't continue living in the self-destructive way. I guess the following six months brought us closer than we ever were. We were both self-destructing and we hadn't realized the damage it was doing to our family. He quit drinking and starting going to AA. I sought help both through a psychologist and through support groups. I started dating again… that was about the time Harm and I started dating. He had been the one to come to the house and tell us that Jason was alright. Something clicked between us and we've been friends ever since. Jason didn't know what had happened for a long time. It wasn't until well after Harm and I broke up that he found out about my attempted suicide."

"What did you do? I'm just curious." It was good to talk about this stuff, but I would have rather done it face to face.

"I guess it was more of a cry for help than anything else. I picked one of the ways that usually fails. Pills; I tried to overdose on medication. I don't even remember what medications they were. Lacey found me convulsing in the bathroom at their old apartment. She had just gotten off work at the hospital. I guess subconsciously I picked that time because I knew she'd be home before they did what they were supposed to do. Subconsciously, I didn't want to die."

"Did you write a letter or anything?" Him asking these questions and talking about it was lifting a weight of my chest that I'd been carrying for a long time. "I don't want to pry…"

"It's fine. It's actually helping me. I've been carrying this around for a long time; it's nice to finally be able to talk about it. I did write a letter. That's how Jason found out. I guess in the shuffle of the EMTs and Lacey's panicking it got pushed under the bookcase. They moved out of that apartment about six months later. Jason was moving the bookcase and that's when he found the letter." I shuddered as I thought about the look in my brother's eyes when he realized what the letter was. "He was beyond pissed. I still don't know if was angry with me or with himself. When he confronted me about the letter, he almost sounded like he was blaming himself for not seeing the signs and for not being there more."

"What did you tell him?"

"That it wasn't his fault; that the only person who was to blame was me. I made that choice. Da didn't talk to me for a few weeks after that incident. That's how we refer to it. It's the 'incident.' If we even talk about it at all, which we usually don't. Da finally sat me down one day and made me feel worse than I was already feeling. He asked how I could think that suicide was the answer; how I could even think about leaving him like that." I could still picture Da's face when we had that conversation. He had been mad but he'd been so worried too. "I don't know what I was thinking; I don't see how I thought that that was a good idea. I don't know… if I had died, that would have been too much for my father to handle. Again, I had been so selfish." I shivered and decided that it was probably time to head inside.

"I should let you get some sleep. To think I only asked you if you thought Sam and Eric would last…" I heard his smile in his voice.

"Yeah… about that, what I was getting at was that Eric's been there. He knows what Sam went through; he nearly got kicked off the team but luckily the incident happened when it did. One more strike and Eric wouldn't be with the Rangers anymore. He realized when I did, that we were being selfish. I'm not sure why Eric turned to alcohol in the first place. I think it had something to do with the issues that Rick and Mary were dealing with but I don't think that was the whole reason." I tried to muffle a yawn.

"You need to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow evening." I didn't want to hang up. I wanted him here with me.

"It's not soon enough but it will have to do. I won't have you going back on your word. Just try to get here as soon as you can. I miss you. I love you, Don Flack." I didn't want to hang up.

"I will try to get there as soon as I possibly can without breaking any traffic laws. I miss you, too. I love you, Cailín Star McClanahan." I don't think he wanted to hang up either. I could still hear his breathing. "I don't want to hang up, but I know you need your sleep. Good-night, I love you." He hung up after that. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

"Aunt Cailín, it's time to get up!" Sarah was shoving me.

"Alright, alright, I'm up." I moaned and sat up.

"How late did you stay up last night?" Lacey popped her head in the room. "Sarah, go bug your father and leave your aunt alone." Sarah bounded out of the room.

"I don't even know. Don called and we talked for a while." I flung my legs over the side of the bed. "We got to talking about…"

"Mom, dad wants to know when he should start the turkey!" Sarah called down the hall.

"Jason, you know when we're planning on eating." Lacey replied. She looked back at me. "Sorry, what were you two talking about last night?"

"We started talking about Sam and Eric and then that led into the 'incident'." She nodded.

"You told him?" Jason stood behind his wife; eyes wide. "How'd he take it?"

"He went running for the hills." I replied sarcastically and rolled my eyes. "He actually understood. He was curious and was asking questions about it. It didn't bother him at all, Jason. Yes, he's still planning on spending the weekend. Jase, you're going to have to put aside whatever doubts you have about Don and I… we're together and there's nothing you can do about it."


	23. Chapter 23

_Don's POV_

"You need to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow evening." The conversation hadn't gone the way I had expected it to. I don't think she expected it to go that way either. We'd been on the phone for a couple of hours and she sounded tired.

"It's not soon enough but it will have to do. I won't have you going back on your word. Just try to get here as soon as you can. I miss you. I love you, Don Flack." She sounded tired but she also didn't want to hang up. I wanted to be where she was or have her here with me. This past week had been interesting. The team had been more than excited about Cailín and I finally trying to be together. I don't think I'd ever seen Mac happier; well, maybe when Lucy was born…

"I will try to get there as soon as I possibly can without breaking any traffic laws. I miss you, too. I love you Cailín Star McClanahan." I didn't want to hang up either. My apartment felt empty… but then it felt weird. I had spent most nights this week over at her place. We'd stay up for hours just talking. I was content just to be able to hold her; it was as if she fit perfectly in my arms. "I don't want to hang up, but I know you need your sleep. Good-night, I love you." I forced myself to hang up after that. I laid awake thinking about what she'd said. I could hear the torment in her voice and wanted to get dressed and go to her right then.

"Good morning, sleepy head." I heard Samantha enter the apartment. Why did I agree to her fixing the food here?

"You're early." I stood in the doorway.

"You want to get this over with, don't you?" She had a point. "How late did you stay up?" There was a knock at the door. "That's probably Eric with the turkey." I went to answer the door.

"Hey, you look like crap." He smiled as he walked past me and into the kitchen area.

"Thanks." I replied sarcastically. "I was on the phone with Cailín for a while last night." I leaned against the bedroom door frame.

"What did you two talk about for that long?" Eric asked as he handed Sam the turkey.

"Something your family doesn't like to talk about." I watched his reaction.

"Anything in particular; there are a lot of 'things' the family doesn't like to talk about." I could tell by the tone of his voice that he knew what I was referring to.

"The 'incident'." Eric's eyes grew dark at the word I used.

"What all did she tell you?" Samantha asked. I looked at her.

"What do you know about it?" I countered.

"I know Eric's side of it. Cailín never talked about it with me. I know what the 'incident' refers to but I don't know all of the details." Sam turned her back to me and started to work on preparing the turkey.

"How did she sound when she was talking about it?" I could tell that Eric didn't like to think about that time either.

"She sounded tormented; she didn't like talking about it. She sounded a lot better by the end though. She said it felt good to talk about it; that it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest." I paused. "She focused more on her actions than whatever it was you and the rest of the family were going through."

"Yeah, that wasn't the best time for our family. Cailín and I had so much going on with our own lives that we didn't think about the rest of the family and what they were going through. She was still struggling with Patrick's death… I hadn't helped any when his family called and told her not to contact them anymore. She'd tried to get a hold of them so she could return some of Patrick's things but they wouldn't talk to her. She mailed those items to his family and that was, for the most part, the last contact she had with them." Cailín hadn't mentioned this part. "I bet she didn't mention that?" I shook my head. "I wouldn't think so. Now, as far as she's concerned, the only one in that family worth maintaining any relationship with is Rebecca."

"Even after that thing at the hospital?" I asked.

"Yep, Rebecca called her not long after that and apologized. Rebecca never held anything against Cailín; she had known how much her brother loved her." Eric replied.

"Is that why you came to check on her the other night? To make sure she didn't…?" I asked, thinking about what he'd said that night.

"Yeah, partly. I also wanted to make sure you weren't hurting her any more. I know that you two needed to talk and work things out, especially if you two were going to be friends at least. None of us liked seeing either one of you hurting like that but we didn't see any other way than you two staying away from each other for a while."

"Well, I don't think either one of us was in the mood to talk until the other night. I know I was the last person she wanted to talk to; I saw how she was trying to avoid me since August." I turned and went to get dressed.

"Don, do you really want to spend Thanksgiving with us?" Samantha asked when I came back out.

"Honestly, no, not really, but I will. Cailín said that I couldn't go back on my word; besides you need someone on your side around Pops. Eric doesn't really count." I smiled and so did she. "Though, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, I'm out of here. After talking with her last night, I know where I need to be this weekend."

"We'll try to be quick about it. I'm not all that comfortable around Pops anyways. He hasn't let up even though he can see that I've been trying to make things right." Sam hung her head. "I hope that he accepts us by the time Eric and I are ready to get married."

"That's actually what got us talking about the 'incident' last night."

"Oh, what were you two saying?" Eric looked at me and then at my sister.

"I just asked Cailín what her opinion was." I put the lid on one of the dishes.

"What did she say?" Sam asked as she checked on the turkey.

"That she believes that you'll last as long as you don't rush into marriage. She trusts that you'll do what's right for you."

"Do you agree?" Eric nodded. "She's not hidden that from us."

"I trust that you two will do what's right for you and that when you do, your relationship will last for a very, very long time. I wouldn't have agreed so readily had it been anyone but Eric." I looked at them both. "Sam, if you had said that you were getting engaged to some complete stranger, I wouldn't be so thrilled about it and you'd probably hear more from me."

"I believe that." Sam replied with a smile on her face. She pulled the turkey out of the oven. "Alright, let's get this over with." I nodded. I grabbed the bag I had packed last night and threw it in my trunk. We headed over to Pops' place for dinner. It wasn't a very active meal; we mostly ate in silence. If there was any talking it was usually directed at me and was mostly about work. We were sitting around drinking coffee with the pumpkin pie when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered it, which warranted a glare from my father.

"Mr. Don, this is Sarah McClanahan." Her voice was soft.

"Hello, Sarah, what can I do for you?" I smiled a little; Cailín's niece had somehow managed to get her aunt's phone.

"Sarah, who are you talking to?" I heard Jason in the background. "Hello?"

"Hey, Jason." Cue awkward silence. "How was your holiday?" More silence.

"Don, why did my daughter call you?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask her. Is Cailín around?"

"She's outside with Berlin. Sarah, go get your aunt and explain what you did." I heard Sarah grumble in the background. "Are you still coming down this evening?" He and I were going to have to talk this weekend.

"Yes, as soon as I'm done here. It sounds like we've got things to discuss, Jason."

"Yeah, we do. Look, I'll let you get back to your family. I guess I'll see you later on today." He hung up before I had a chance to say anything.

"That was weird." I put my phone away and looked at Eric. "Your family is strange."

"Yeah, well they are that." He smiled. "What was that about?"

"I'm not sure. Sarah called me and then Jason took the phone from her. He's still not too happy about this whole thing." I shrugged my shoulders.

"About what thing?" Pops looked at me. "You are talking about Jason and his sister, Cailín, correct?"

"Yes, Pops." I replied. I looked at Sam. She smiled; she was thinking that same thing I was. Here we go. "Cailín and I are sort of dating." I braced myself.

"You are dating Cailín McClanahan?" I nodded. "When did this happen and why isn't she here?"

"Last week. She's with Jason and his family for the holiday." I replied. So far so good.

"How's Andrew doing these days?" Now it gets interesting. I looked at Eric before answering.

"Pops, Andrew past away in early March; he's heart gave out." I watched my father as the news sank in. My father and Andrew McClanahan hadn't been close friends but they'd been friends. I think their friendship developed because Cailín, Samantha, Jason, and I had been friends. I can remember the two men hanging out at the pub on occasion before the family moved, but I don't recall them keeping in touch afterwards.

"I'm sorry to hear that. He was a great man; I'm sorry we never kept in touch over the years. He never was the same after his wife died though." I could see the memories hit my father. He'd been one of the police officers on the scene of that accident. _He_ wasn't the same after that day. I'm not sure if Andrew and the family knew just how much that accident affected so many more lives than just theirs. It was only years later, while I was in the academy, that I learned how horrific that accident had been.

"My dad is still trying to cope with losing his brother; the whole family took it hard, but none of us took it as hard as Cailín." Eric said. I knew Cailín was still dealing with her father's death and would for years to come. I can still hear the agony in her voice when she had called me to tell me that her dad had died. She had never said that he did but I could tell by what she said and how she said it. I shook my head from those thoughts. "Don?"

"Sorry, I was just remembering the agony in her voice the day she called me to tell me. Now I wish we'd been better friends, but I can't change the past." I looked at the clock on the mantle.

"Don, you can go if you want to." Sam said and Pops looked at her.

"Son?" He questioned me.

"I told Cailín that I would spend the weekend with her and Jason. I said that I be there sometime this evening." He nodded.

"How is Jason?" He asked somberly. "I take it he doesn't like the idea of you dating his sister? I must say, though, that it's about time." He laughed a little and so did Eric and Sam. I shook my head, but a smile tugged at my lips.

"Jason's doing well. He's married with two kids; a girl, Sarah, who's eight and a boy, Andrew, who is just a few months old. He's a Top Gun in the Navy. He lives in Annapolis and, I believe, works at the Naval Academy." I replied as I stood to stretch. "Pops, Andrew's ashes are with his wife… if you want to visit him." He only nodded slightly. "I've seen pictures of that accident… it couldn't have been easy, especially when you knew one of the victims. Pops, don't let it stop you from saying good-bye." He looked at me and smiled.

"I won't, Son. Thank you. Have a safe drive and I'll see you when you get back. You must bring Cailín over sometime." I nodded.

"I'll see what she's doing for Christmas." I remarked before heading to Annapolis.


	24. Chapter 24

**This chapter is a bit shorter then the last few have been. I think I'm coming to the end of the story; I'm thinking about taking it through New Year's and then that's it. Except maybe an Epilogue depending on how it ends. Let me know what you think. Thank you to those who have added this or any of my stories to your favorites and/or are following. It helps me to continue writing. Enjoy.**

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_Cailín's POV_

"He'll be here, Cailín. Sit down before you wear a hole in the floor." Lacey said as I paced in front of the front window. I couldn't believe Sarah had called him. She had just wanted to see if he was still coming for the weekend; I had to laugh at that and the look on Jason's face. Berlin was lying by the couch and watching my every move.

"I know, Lacey, I know." I didn't stop pacing though. He had called me when he left his father's place. He said that there was something he needed to tell me and to ask us. That was almost four hours ago. We'd finished cleaning up from dinner and Jason was getting things organized for the bake sale on Saturday. He still wasn't too thrilled with the fact that Don was coming. "You know, I wish Jason would cool it with his attitude." I said loud enough for him to hear. I heard him grumble and smiled.

"Give him time, Cailín. He'll come to realize what Flack means to you." Lacey replied. She shook head at her husband's mumbled reply. It would be un-ladylike to repeat; he'd spent way too long hanging around sailors. It was a good thing Sarah was upstairs taking a nap.

"There he is." I sighed and went to the front door. You'd think it had been weeks since I'd seen him last.

"Hey, you." He wrapped his arms around me when I met him halfway. I could have stayed like that forever had it been warmer outside. "What are you doing outside without a coat on? Are you trying to get sick?" We walked into the house after that.

"Welcome, Don." Lacey hugged him. Jason stood at the end of the hallway and glared. "Ignore him; he's being a grump." She looked at her husband.

"I suppose you'll be staying with Cailín?" Jason asked; he was really being a grump… not to mention rude. It was my turn to glare at him.

"Jason, knock it off." I'd hit my breaking point with my brother. I led Don into the downstairs guestroom. I heard Jason follow and so I shut the door in his face.

"Cai, what was that for?" Don sat on the bed and looked at me. I leaned against the door with my arms crossed.

"I'm so sick of his attitude. He's been this way all day; Sarah calling you didn't help matters." Tears stung my eyes as I thought about the things that Jason had said earlier, right after Sarah had gone upstairs. "In fact it made it a whole lot worse." There was a knock at the door.

"Cailín, can I talk to you?" It was Jason. I opened the door and glared at him. I was not happy with him at the moment. "Privately?" He looked at Don and then back at me.

"If it has anything to do with us, then you can say it to the both of us." I stepped aside to see if he would enter the room.

"Forget it." He turned to leave.

"Fine, it's clear that he's not wanted here. We'll head home in the morning." I went to close the door again but he stopped it with his foot. "Now what?"

"Cailín, let him in." Don said. I stepped aside and Jason walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. "Hey, come here." I was leaning against the dresser. I didn't move so he walked over to me. "Hey, no crying today. If you feel that uncomfortable here; we'll head home in the morning. However, if we're going to make this work, we need to talk this out." He lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "Cai, I'm not going anywhere, regardless of what your brother says." I smiled a little and he kissed my forehead.

"Alright, look…" Jason stood near the door. He looked like he wanted to bolt out of the room… either that or throw up. "I guess I've just seen you get hurt by him too many times, Cailín. It's not that I'm not happy about this; it's about time. I'm just having a hard time trying to accept that you two a really together now. Don, if you ever hurt her again…" Don nodded. "Maybe things would have been easier to handle if Dad was still here…"

"Jason, Da's not here." Tears stung my eyes as I thought about my father. "He's gone, but he'd be happy about this. You know very well he'd be happy about this."

"Yes, he would have been, but I don't have to be." He said before leaving the room.

"Well, I guess he'll come to terms with it in time." I replied. "What did you want to tell me?"

"What?" He rested his hands on my hips and thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah; you know how we had dinner with Pops?"

"Yeah?" I raised an eyebrow. "How'd that go by the way?"

"Alright, I guess. It wasn't too awkward. Anyways, after Jason hung up on me, Pops noted that your brother must not be happy about this." He smiled a little. "Then he said that he thought it was about time." I laughed.

"That's about the same thing Mac said to me the other day." He looked at me. "I didn't tell you about that?" I smiled and he shook his head. "I bumped into Mac the other day on my way to get something for lunch. He asked if he could join me because he wanted to talk about something. I was a little worried."

"What did he say?"

"He said that he had noticed a chance in me since you had told me how you felt; since we became official. He said that even though he hadn't known me for too long, he still said that I was good for you."

"Oh?" He teased. "He's right about one thing: he hasn't known you for very long." He squeezed my hips.

"Oh, is that so? Just for that I won't finish the story." I laughed out loud as he tickled me. "Ahh! Stop! Oh, can't breathe." I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

"I'll stop only when you continue with the story." He continued to tickle me.

"I can't tell the story if I can't breathe." I replied, breathless. He stopped and I started to walk away; a huge grin on my face. "I can't believe you fell for that one."

"Come back here." He tackled me onto the bed and we were both laughing. "Now, finish the story, please." He flashed the smile he knew I couldn't resist.

"He was happy… for both of us. He said that he was really happy to see you happy again. He joked that it was about time someone made you smile and laugh again." I leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before rolling out from under him. "What were you going to ask me?"

"Well, I was hoping to ask all of you… I don't think Jason will go for it, though." He sat on the edge of the bed. "Pops wants me to bring you by sometime. I said I'd ask what you were doing for Christmas…" I sat on his lap.

"I'd love to." I kissed harder this time. "I've missed you." I smiled and so did he.

"I've missed you too, but I think we should probably spend some time with your family. I'm sure Jason is pacing." We both stood up and headed for the TV room.

"Hi, Mr. Don!" Sarah waved at us as we entered. Jason glared.

"It sounded like you were having fun?" Lacey looked at us.

"I was trying to tell him something but then he had to tease me. When I wouldn't finish, he tickled me." I poked Don playfully in the ribs. He poked back and I laughed.

"Did you have a nice holiday with your family?" Lacey asked.

"Yes, I did, thanks for asking." Don and I squeezed into the oversized chair. "I have something to ask."

"What is it?" Jason looked at us… it was suddenly feeling a little cold in the room.

"I've already asked Cai, but I was wondering if you all would like to join us for Christmas?" Don felt the icy stare from my brother and tightened his grip on my hand.

"'We'?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to spend Christmas with Don and his father. You're more than welcomed to join us; if you feel that you wouldn't be too uncomfortable." I replied a little icier than I meant to.

"Can we, Daddy?" Sarah asked. "I'd like to see the city at Christmas."

"We'll think about it." Jason looked at Lacey who then looked at me.

"Just let me know what you decide, alright?" I tried not to sound too disappointed. If he decided that he couldn't come up for Christmas it would be the first that the family wasn't together for. "Jase, I know you're not too thrilled about Don and I… but it's the first Christmas without Da…" Tears sprung to my eyes and I had to get some air. "Excuse me." I headed out to the backyard. Berlin was right next to me.

"Babe?" Don had followed as well. "Come here." He opened his arms and I gladly nuzzled into his chest. "It's going to be alright; we'll get through this together."

"Which part?" I asked without looking at him; I just held tighter.

"All of it. It's not an easy thing to lose a parent, but we've both made it through a lot of heartache. We'll make it through this together; side by side." He kissed the top of my head when someone cleared their throat.

"Cailín, I'm sorry about the way I've been acting." Jason was standing there with his hands in his pockets. "I can see how happy you are; both of you. I couldn't believe that you were laughing earlier, Cailín; I hadn't heard that sound in a long time. And then to see such a smiled on your face… to see your eyes glow for the first time in years…" He smiled a little. "When I see that; I can't be upset about this relationship. If Lacey and I can get the time off; we'll join you for Christmas in New York." He said before heading back inside.

"Well, I didn't think I'd see that change that fast." I remarked still looking at the backdoor.

"Neither did I, but that's one less hurdle to face." Don bent down to kiss me. Even though it was a clear, November evening in Annapolis, Maryland… I was as warm as could be.

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**Alright, the next chapter will lead up to Christmas with the family. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to go since I don't plan anything out... I just type it as it comes. I hope you've been enjoying the story so far. Reviews, comments, suggestions are more than welcomed. Stay tuned... **


	25. Chapter 25

**Just some grammar and wording changes that needed to be done. Hopefully will have chapter 27 up soon... kinda avoiding it right now since I'm stuck.**

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_Don's POV_

"Good morning." I pulled Cailín in tighter. It was Christmas Eve. "When do you have to be in to work?" She flipped over to look at me.

"In two hours. You?" I kissed her nose and then pulled her to lie on my chest.

"Two and a half. We're having our Christmas party this afternoon, but I have an assignment I have to get done first." She perched herself on her elbows and looked at me.

"What?" I asked, unsure of the look she was giving me.

"I have no idea what to get you for Christmas. I know it's a little late to be bringing it up, but I've been at a loss since we got back from Annapolis." She looked at her hands that were resting on my chest. "I do have something for you though." I watched as she went over the dresser and grabbed a chain from her jewelry box.

"What is it?" I sat up and leaned back against the headboard as she sat on the bed facing me.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to; I know you're not that big on jewelry." She handed me a cladaugh ring. "It was Da's. I have Mom's." I took the chain from her. I hooked it around my neck and she smiled.

"You're right: I'm not big on jewelry. I'll wear it around my neck for now, alright?" She nodded. "If it makes you feel any better; I don't know what to get you either."

"We'll come up with something…" She looked down at her hands. "I got a call from Jason yesterday."

"What about?" I scooted closer to her and rested my hands on hers. I felt a tear hit my hand. "Babe?" I lifted her chin so she had to look at me.

"He said that he's changed his mind. Lacey, Sarah, and Andrew would be coming for Christmas, but not him." She took a shaking breath. "He said that he had some work to finish up today but wouldn't be able to make it for Christmas. He did say that he was going to try to make it up the day after, but it didn't look promising. Then I talked to Lacey… they're not coming either. She didn't want the family to be apart for the holiday…" I pulled her into me as she cried.

"It will be okay, Cai. I know it will be the first Christmas without your father and now without Jason. He'll be the one to regret it, not you." I kissed her forehead and then wiped her tears away. She smiled a little and nodded. I saw the hurt in her eyes; and the anger. I'd have to talk to Jason. He chewed me out for hurting her so many times before, now it was his turn to be on the receiving end. "We should get ready for work."

"Yep, we should." She kissed me before standing. I pulled her back down for a more passionate kiss. "Or, we could do more of that." She smiled before kissing me again. We seemed to have perfected our make-out sessions; it seems some nights that's all we did. We weren't overtly public with our displays of affection. A small kiss here and there and holding hands seemed to be about it; unless we were sitting around a table or something… I usually draped my arm across her shoulders then.

"Okay, we really should get dressed." I looked at the clock. "I have to be at the precinct in an hour." She stood up and pulled me with her.

"Yeah, at least you've got clothes here." She said as she went to the closet. She was right; I had brought some clothes over so that when I stayed the night I wouldn't have to go to my apartment to get dressed. She grabbed her clothes and then headed for the bathroom. I grabbed a pair of pants.

"What time will you be done today?" I called as I pulled on an undershirt and then grabbed a blue dress shirt.

"You should wear the red one." She came out of the bathroom. "Probably around 3 or so. Why?"

"If I wore the red one, I think everyone at the precinct would go into shock." I grinned. I didn't tend to wear bold colors to work. "I was just wondering. Are you going to go shopping afterwards or…?" She handed me the red dress shirt and took the one I'd been ready to put on.

"It's Christmas; if they ask, that's your reasoning. That or you could say your girlfriend thought you'd look good in it." She teased.

"And what if I did?" I smiled at her.

"I'd go into shock if you admitted to the guys at work that you had a girlfriend." She smiled back and then laughed. "That's up to you…" I hadn't told anyone at the precinct that I was seeing someone. Danny and the team knew but that's because they knew Cailín. I don't even think Cailín has been in the precinct unless it had to do with a work assignment. "I haven't decided what to do after work. I may see what Sam's doing and drag her along if I go shopping." I buttoned the shirt and then looked for a tie. "Green?"

"Um, that would be a little too much Christmas." I raised an eyebrow at her. I went for a light pink tie but she stopped me.

"Wait." She reached up to the top shelve and pulled down a box. "This will be perfect." She pulled out a gray tie. "It was my grandfather's. He hardly wore it and then he gave it to Da. Da hardly wore it; men in my family don't like wearing ties." She held it up against the shirt. "It's not too light or too dark. The Celtic knot-work is faint but not too faint." She watched as I put the tie on. I looked in the mirror.

"It is perfect." I smiled as she handed me my suit jacket. "Just like you." I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. She blushed. I kissed the top of her head and then she helped me into the jacket. "Why don't you stop by the precinct sometime today?" She looked at me in shock.

"Are you sure? I mean you won't be too busy will you?" I'd never asked her to stop by the precinct but I was starting to think that it's time.

"Why don't you give me a call when you get done at work and we'll take it from there?" I rested my hands on her hips. "I think it's time to show off my girlfriend." I teased.

"Oh, really?" She smiled to let me know she'd understood the teasing tone. "I'll give you a call when I'm done." She kissed me lightly. "You should get going; you don't want to be late." We walked to the door. I kissed her before heading downstairs. I waved when I noticed that she was watching from the window again. As I pulled out of sight I took out my phone and called someone.

"Hello?" It was just the person I was wanting.

"You've told me time and time again not to hurt Cailín, right?" I tried to keep my voice calm.

"Don?" I think he was shocked to hear from me. "Yeah, too many times to count, it seems."

"Okay, then why are you being so hypocritical?" Again I tried to keep my voice calm. "Your sister was in tears this morning when she told me that you won't be here for Christmas like you promised you would be. This is the first Christmas without your father and now you're going to make her spend it without you as well?" I took a deep breath to calm myself. I pulled into my usual spot and then got out of the car. I leaned against the door as I tried to find the right words to say. "Just answer me one thing."

"What?" He sounded guilty. I waved at Mac as he walked passed. He stopped and headed over to me.

"Why? Why have you changed your mind? Is it me? Is it because you're still having a hard time with me dating your sister? Does it have to do with your father?" Mac threw me a questioning look.

"No, it has to do with yours." He paused. "I know your father was one of the officers at the scene of my mom's accident. Cailín knows that too, I guess it doesn't bother her…"

"No, it doesn't, not really. Look, Jason, I don't know why you've got a problem with that, but that accident changed my father. He won't openly admit it but he's been shaken by that. I've seen pictures of the accident… that would have shaken even the most seasoned cops. It was worse for him because he knew one of the victims; he knew her family on a personal level. He watched as your father changed; as his friend changed." I took a deep breath. "If that's the only thing stopping you from coming up for Christmas; you don't have to come with us to spend time with him. Don't hurt Cai like this; I wasn't lying when I said that she was in tears earlier…" I hoped that he'd come. "It will not be a happy day tomorrow if you're not here to spend it with your sister."

"I'll talk to Lacey about it; I'll call you when we decide." He paused. "Flack, thanks for calling." He hung up after that.

"What was that about?" Mac asked as we made our way into the precinct.

"Jason called Cailín yesterday to tell her that he changed his mind about coming up for Christmas. They were supposed to drive up this evening and spend the week here. They were going to be staying at Eric's." Some of the guys were looking at me as I walked to my desk. "It's Christmas, for crying out loud." I said. They laughed.

"I wasn't even going to ask about the color. I guess she took it hard?" Mac smiled.

"Yeah, she took it hard." I shook my head. "He's chewed me out so many times for hurting her. I couldn't pass up this rare opportunity to chew him out for doing the same thing. He's going to talk to Lacey and get back to me."

"Did he say why he changed his mind?"

"He didn't feel comfortable spending time with my father; something about the fact that my father was one of the officers on the scene of the accident that killed their mom." I paused. "Cailín struggled with it too but we talked and she's fine with everything now. We've had dinner with my father and she sees that things aren't awkward at all."

"Well, I hope that he decides to come up." Mac said.

"Me too; I don't know how it would affect their relationship if he doesn't." I noticed Sam and Cailín walk into the precinct.

"We're here to see Captain Wallace." I heard Sam tell an officer near her. I watched as all the men checked the two women out as they were led to the Captain's office. I looked at Mac; he noticed too.

"Flack, your sister is smokin'…"

"Shut up." I cut Jensen off. "She's off limits. Besides being my sister, she's engaged."

"Yeah? To who?" Jensen asked. I glared at him.

"Eric McClanahan, the goalie for the Rangers." I replied coolly. He went back to whatever he was doing.

"Thanks again, Captain Wallace." Sam and Cailín were standing in the door way of the office.

"Not a problem, ladies. Cailín do you think you could get your uncle to cater some of the food for the event?" Must be talking about the New Year's Eve Gala. "It would be nice to have a big name at the event." There was an underlying hint if ever there was one.

"I'll talk to him tonight." Cailín looked at Sam. "There will be one big name at the event." Sam glared. "My cousin, Eric McClanahan, said he'll be attending." Sam rolled her eyes. I tried not to laugh as Cailín snuck a glance at me; laughter dancing in her eyes.

"That will be wonderful." Captain Wallace replied and then Sam and Cailín headed out of the precinct.

"Cailín is related to the Rangers' goalie?" Jensen asked. "She is smokin' as well." I tried to ignore that last comment. "Taylor, you know her right? Do you think you could hook me up?"

"Sorry, but I believe she's seeing someone already." Mac looked at me; I don't think he realized that no one in the precinct knew about Cailín and me.

"Jensen, did you not just hear her refer to Eric McClanahan as her cousin?" I said; ignoring the look from Mac.

"I was just making sure I wasn't hearing things." He said before turning back to whatever it was he was doing.

"No one knows?" I shook my head at Mac's question and then his phone rang. "Yeah, I'll be right there." He hung up and looked at me. "Lindsay needs me at the lab; I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah." I said and he left.

"So she's going to be your cousin-in-law soon; do you think you can hook me up." I looked at Jensen in disbelief.

"What part of 'she's seeing someone' did you not understand?" I was starting to feel really glad that I had asked Cailín to stop by the precinct after she got off work. "Get back to work." He was really starting to annoy me. A little while later, Mac called and asked me to search for some information about a victim and then I went to lunch. Right after I placed my order my phone rang.

"Hey, Don, it's Jason." I was hoping to hear from him. "I talked to Eric and it's all set to stay at his place this week. Don't tell Cailín, I want it to be a surprise."

"Alright, when should we expect you?" I asked. Jensen walked by me and I so wanted to trip him.

"We're leaving here after Lacey finishes her shift at the hospital. We'll be in the city around seven or so. I'll text you when we get in and then we get meet somewhere for dinner?"

"That's sounds good. I'm glad you changed your mind; it will be good for her to spend time with you tomorrow." Jensen was sitting within earshot and I didn't want him to hear too much before this afternoon. We said good-bye and hung up. As soon as my food arrived my phone rang again.

"I see this really handsome man sitting by himself. What should I do?" Her voice was full of teasing. I glanced around and noticed her standing across the street with Sam.

"You should probably talk to him; though you look a little busy." I noted when I noticed the camera in her hand.

"I'm working on yet another assignment for work. We're trying to get a bunch of pictures of the city at Christmas time to add to the party. It's one of those last minute assignments that couldn't be done if we didn't have today's technology." I watched her look to my left. "Okay, isn't that an officer from your precinct?" I snuck a side glance at Jensen.

"Yeah, ignore that." I shook my head. "I'll tell you about it later."

"He keeps staring at me; it's starting to creep me out." She looked back at me.

"Yeah, well, he's gone beyond pissing me off." I paused. "I should let you get back to work. You're still planning on calling when you get off right? Or text?"

"Yes. I don't think this thing is going to last too long and we'll be done after that. I'll call or text when I'm done so you can let me know about stopping by the precinct."

"Alright, I talk to you later, Babe." She hung up first. I watched as she walked away, no doubt telling Sam about something I'd said. I finished my lunch and then headed back to the precinct.

"I saw you checking her out at lunch, Flack." Jensen approached my desk when he returned.

"What are you talking about?" I looked at him; he was really getting on my nerves."

"Jensen, aren't you supposed to be filling out a report or something?" Danny came over. I gave him a look of gratitude. "What was all that about?" He asked as Jensen left.

"He apparently wants to 'date' Cailín." I remarked. Danny knew that no one in the precinct knew I was dating Cailín. Well, Captain Wallace knew but then she knew that there was some tension and history between Cailín and me. She hadn't been upset over it; in fact, she liked the idea. I didn't ask why; I didn't want to know. "It was Sam first but then I broke the news that she was engaged."

"You need to make this known, Flack. It will save you both a lot of annoyance later on." He shook his head and then headed to his desk. We received a call out soon after.

_Cailín's POV_

"Merry Christmas, everyone!" Cheers erupted from the conference room where the small office party was being held. It was winding down and people were heading out to finish some last minute shopping.

"We're done. You busy?" I texted Don like I said I would.

"On my way back to the precinct. Had a call out." He replied.

"I need someone to take over the remaining food to Captain Wallace's precinct." Our boss said which was followed by a bunch of groans. I rolled my eyes.

"I'll take it. I'm heading that direction anyways." I spoke up. Sam looked at my with a raised eyebrow.

"Good. Please help her carry this to her car." Yeah, it was a good thing that I decided to drive that day; I usually didn't. Everyone carried something out to my car.

"Merry Christmas, Cailín." Mark said before heading back inside. "What are your plans?"

"I'm spending the holiday with my boyfriend and his father." I replied. I could have sworn disappointment flashed in his eyes for a brief second.

"I see. Well, have a great holiday and I'll see you when you're back at work." He headed back inside after that. He really was a nice guy… I wonder if Rebecca is seeing anyone. I shook that thought from my mind as I got behind the wheel of the car.

"Alright, what's up?" Sam climbed into the passenger seat.

"What? Don asked if I'd stop by the precinct when I was done at work." I said and pulled out onto the street. We headed to the precinct in silence. "What?" I looked over at her after pulling into a space in front of the precinct and putting the car in park.

"I don't know. It's just weird that he hasn't mentioned your relationship to the guys at the precinct." She shrugged her shoulders.

"I told him that it didn't bother me if he wasn't ready to go 'public' with this just yet." I made sure there were no cars coming before getting out of the car. I loaded her arms full of food before grabbing what was left.

"Let me get that for you." An older man opened the door for us.

"Thank you." I smiled at him and then got the attention of one of the officers.

"Can I help you?" It was the officer who was staring at me as I was talking to Don on the phone earlier. Great.

"This is the food left over from our office party. Captain Wallace wanted us to bring it by." Sam replied.

"Um, sure, right this way." He led us to a snack counter and then there was a flock of cops and detectives pushing to get some of the food. It took a good two minutes before Sam and I could get out of the mob.

"Okay, I know people joke about cops and their doughnuts, but that was ridiculous." Sam and I smiled at each other. My smile faded when the cop from earlier approached us.

"Is there anything else I can help you ladies with?" He asked. He was standing a little too close to me.

"We're here to see my brother. I think we can manage to find his desk on our own." Sam was sensing the unease I was feeling. We made our way to Don's desk. He was on the phone and looked up at us.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, Pops." He hung up and looked at us again. "Hey, I see you brought food." He looked over at the snack counter near the coffee. "Well, I'm assuming there was food in those boxes." He shook his head.

"Don't worry I saved some for later." I smiled at him.

"Don! How's it going?" The man who had opened the door for us approached.

"Mr. Angell, it's going good. I'd like you to meet my sister Samantha, and my girlfriend, Cailín McClanahan." It seemed like the entire precinct went silent as soon as he introduced me as his girlfriend. It was a little awkward.

"It's nice to meet you both. McClanahan? Any relation to Eric McClanahan?" He looked at me.

"He's my cousin. His father, my uncle, owns the Shamrock Pub." I smiled warmly at him. Don smiled at me.

"He's a great hockey player. He's doing a lot better than he has when he first started." I nodded. "Well, I should get going. Don, you look good; happy. She's a keeper." Don nodded and then smiled at me again. Mr. Angell waved and then headed out of the precinct.

"He's right, you are a keeper." Don said as he pulled me in front of him. Sam rolled her eyes.

"I'll wait for you by the doors." She said and then headed that way.

"Okay, is it just me, or is _everyone_ staring at us?" I glanced around the room and then looked back at him.

"Yeah, everyone is staring. Especially, Jensen." Don nodded to the cop who had greeted us. "How was the party?"

"It was good. I got all the pictures that she wanted and then some. New York is truly beautiful at Christmas." I replied. "What time will you be home?"

"Around 6:30 probably." He furrowed his brow.

"What?" He took my hand in his and we walked toward the doors.

"I've got to find time to go shopping before all the stores close. Oh, and we're going out for dinner." I nodded; I really didn't feel much like cooking.

"Speaking of shopping, Sam and I are heading to do just that." I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. As I was about to exit, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him so he could kiss me on the lips. It wasn't as gross as I've seen some people being; it was a sweet gesture and helped seal the fact that we were dating. It became the public proclamation for those in the precinct; a proclamation that Don and I were, in fact, dating. It meant a lot to me, but it was not the time to mention that to him; that would have to happen later tonight.


	26. Chapter 26

_Cailín's POV_

"I'll see you later." He said before heading back to his desk. Sam looked at me when we got back into the car.

"I cannot believe he did that. Don's never been big on PDA, ever." I smiled as she shook her head. "That kiss was saying something."

"Yeah, it was saying 'she's mine, get over it.'" I smiled bigger. "Alright, now to find something for him for Christmas." I pulled out on to the street and we headed to the pub. "I want to drop everything off first; then we'll grab a cab or the subway." I hated driving in the city.

"Sounds good." We got to the pub and took the food upstairs. We hailed a cab and heading into a clothing store. "So, did you get him to wear the red this morning?" Sam asked as we looked through some dress shirts. I picked out a pale blue and two white shirts.

"Yes. That tie belonged to Da." I replied as I showed her the selections. She nodded in agreement and then I headed over to the tie section. "I need to find something other than clothing though." I looked through the ties and picked out a dark blue with lighter blue diagonal stripes.

"Like what?" Sam held up a neon green tie.

"Eww… not that." I scrunched my nose at the tie. She laughed. "I'm not sure." I thought for a moment. "He doesn't need a new watch. He doesn't wear jewelry. Season tickets to the hockey games seem pointless since I can get any ticket for free basically. Eric's getting him a custom jersey."

"How do you know that?" Sam and I moved over to the cologne.

"I mentioned the idea to Eric and he said he'd already thought of it. I, of course, pouted. He made a suggestion and I threw a puck at his head." I laughed thinking about the conversation I'd had with Eric in the gift shop at the arena the other day.

"What did he suggest?" Sam raised an eyebrow. I gave her a look that told her that it wasn't something I wanted to mention in a store. "Oh, never mind." She understood. "I probably would have thrown a puck at his head too."

"Alright, I think this everything for this store." I said as I picked up a bottle of the cologne Don liked. "He loves this stuff but doesn't own any." I said as I placed my selections on the counter to be rung up.

"Yeah, he's weird like that, but he usually goes for his second or third favorite; they're less expensive." I nodded as I handed the cashier the money. We headed out of the store. "Where to next?" I looked at Sam.

"I have no idea; maybe Eric's suggestion isn't far off."

"Are you ready for something like that?" She asked as we walked down the sidewalk; heading nowhere in particular.

"I don't know." I thought a moment. "I don't know, which means that I'm probably not. I know that he's not going anywhere but sometimes I feel like he gets frustrated when I pull away. I don't know how many times we've been that close and then I pull away. I feel horrible because I can see it in his eyes." I shook my head.

"I'm sure there's more to it than that. He's not frustrated with you or your actions, Cailín. You should probably talk to him about this. He wouldn't want you to feel like this." Sam squeezed my shoulder and then we headed into another clothing store. Sam looked through some of the dresses as I headed to a different section of the store. I looked through the sleepwear with mixed thoughts and emotions. Contemplating this step in our relationship was the most confusing thing right now. I wanted to but it was still very scary; I was still very unsure of everything and so self-conscious of the scars that were a constant reminder that I could have died. "Cailín?" Sam tapped me on the shoulder.

"It's just that I'm not sure how he'll react." I looked at her; my eyes shining with unshed tears. "I mean, how do you think he'll react to the scars? To the reminder that I could have died?" She smiled at me and then handed a red, lacy ensemble to me.

"You'll only know the answer to that if you put yourselves in that position… or talk about it." She pushed me toward the dressing rooms. I held the outfit up; it wasn't over the top risqué, it was still very classy and conservative while still being sexy. It was something Don would like. Sam pushed into one of the empty dressing rooms.

"I actually like this." I said as I came out of the dressing room. We headed to the counter. "I don't know when I'll wear it but I'll get it." Sam smiled at me.

"That's a start. Okay, now what are you going to get him next?" I sighed as we headed out of the store.

"He's the last one I have left to buy for; even though Jason and them aren't coming now." I shook my head to say that I didn't want to talk about it. "What did you buy in there?"

"A present for you; something to wear to dinner tonight, but you can't open it until we get back to your apartment." She jerked the bag away as I was going for it.

"Fine; this place looks promising." I pulled her into a leather goods store. "He could use a new wallet." As we entered the store, I took a deep breath. I loved the smell of leather.

"How about these?" Sam held up a pair of leather pants. I smiled and shook my head.

"I said wallet; I don't think your brother would go for those." She laughed.

"Probably not." She putting the pants back and looked at some of the purses.

"What did you end up getting Eric?" I asked as I picked up a black wallet.

"There's a rock concert coming up that he's been talking about; I managed to get tickets before they sold out." She grinned at me. "He was so upset when he heard that the concert sold out. I told him he wasn't allowed to buy tickets."

"You are so bad, Samantha Flack." I laughed a little. "This is nice, but it just isn't what I want to get him. I want it to something spec…" I drifted off as a thought hit me. "I just had an idea." I paid for the wallet and rushed out of the store. Sam finished her purchases and followed me. "Now what did you buy? I thought you were done shopping?" I looked at the new addition to her bags.

"Another present for you; don't you dare complain. It's Christmas and it was a major steal; like 75 percent off." I rolled my eyes as I hailed down a taxi. I told him the address and we were off. "Do you want to tell me what your big idea is?" I shook my head; I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about this sooner.

"You'll see." I said as I ran up the stairs and into my apartment. "It's a good thing I had the stores wrap these things." I set the bags on the kitchen table and motioned for Sam to follow me into my dark room. I'd been teaching her how to develop film and this would be another perfect time for her to help me. I knew exactly what photos I was looking for.

"Where did you get these?" She asked as she looked at the negatives I had pulled out.

"I've had them forever. I used to take a ton of pictures growing up. I took everything." I was a little too excited now. My idea was running in my head so fast I had to remind myself to slow down so I wouldn't overwhelm Sam. We started developing the photos but before they were completely dry and ready I placed them into a book. Each one had a protective, clear plastic sheet over them. It still wasn't quite finished though. As Sam was looking through the book I went to grab the papers that I had printed off a while ago; before Don and I had started dating. I came back and went to work.

"Wow! I can't believe you came up with that in a matter of two hours." Sam said as I finished putting the finishing touches on the book. I took a locket-sized portrait of Don and I that was taken when we had had dinner with Mr. Flack a week ago, and stuck it into my locket. It was something I had been meaning to do but with the holiday approaching things had been a little crazy.

"It was a technique I'd done in college. Patrick thought I was crazy for doing it for an exam but the Professor said that it showed an unconventional creative genius." I grabbed the book and then we headed out of the dark room. I found a gift bag in the closet and placed the book, along with some tissue paper, down in it. No sooner did I set the bag next to the others, Don walked in.

"Hey." He looked at the bags on the table and then at Sam and me. He stuck several wrapped boxes under the Christmas tree. "What are you doing here, Sam?" I grabbed my boxes and bag and headed towards the tree.

"We were hanging out after going shopping." She winked at me. I grabbed the other bags and headed to the bedroom.

"Come along, Samantha. You bought this stuff for me; you're going to see how it looks." She looked a little worried. Don looked confused. "What time are we going out?" I looked at Don.

"We have reservations for 7:30." He looked at his watch and then smiled. "I'll just wait out here until you ladies are done." I nodded with a smiled and then shoved Sam into the bedroom and then closed the door.

"Open this one first." She handed me the first bag she had acquired. I pulled out a knee-length, deep red sweater dress.

"Sam, I love it!" I put it on and then dug around in my top draw for my black leggings. "It's so soft, and v-necks always look great on me… they also drive Don crazy." I laughed. I grabbed my black, ankle-high boots and set them next to the dresser.

"Here, this goes with it… well, it will go with anything pretty much." She handed me the second bag. I pulled out a black leather jacket and red and silver scarf.

"Sam, they're perfect. You did let Don what you got me, right?" I looked at her. "I'd hate to have him get something I already have."

"Don't worry, Don texted me while we were on our way back here." Sam said as she handed my locket to me. I hooked it around my neck and looked in the mirror. "You're missing some earrings."

"I think I have a pair for tonight." I said as I rummaged through my jewelry box and pulled out a small, wooden box. I opened it and stared into the box for a minute. My mom was born in January so her birthstone was garnet." I put on the chandelier earrings and then looked into the mirror. "Her favorite metal was platinum; it was too expensive so she didn't have a lot of it. Da got this for her one year; three years before the accident. He'd given them to me when I turned 16." I had always loved these earrings, but this was the first time I could bring myself to wear them.

"They're perfect." Sam hugged me and then there was a knock at the door.

"Can I come in and get ready?" Don asked.

"Yeah, come on in." I said as I grabbed a pair of black socks from the dresser. I grabbed a white gold bracelet and my boots and sat on the foot of the bed.

"I'll see you two later; Eric's meeting me downstairs." Sam waved and then left.

"You, Cai, are breathtaking." Don came over and planted a kiss on my lips. I placed a hand on the back of his head and held him there. He smiled. "I really do need to get ready." I nodded but kissed him again. I would have been content to keep him distracted, but the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered and Don snuck into the bathroom. I smiled.

"Hey, sis." It was Jason. I tried to not feel too hurt about what he had decided. "We just wanted to wish a Merry Christmas Eve. Cailín, this has nothing to do with you and Don."

"Yeah? Are you sure?" I couldn't keep the calm tone in my voice. Don came out of the bathroom and looked at me. I turned my back to him. "Are you sure that has nothing to do with this?"

"Cailín, honestly, a little, but there's a lot more to it than that. The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt spending the day with Mr. Flack."

"You could have said something; we would have made plans to spend time with you after spending time with Don's father. We would have understood." Tears pricked the corner of my eyes. Don took the phone from my hand.

"Jason, I will not have you calling here and making her cry. Again." He sounded really upset. "Yeah, well, I don't care. She's right; you should have said something. We could have worked something out. Merry Christmas, Jason, we have to get going; we have dinner reservations at 7:30." He hung up and then looked at me.

"Did you have to sound like that?" I sat on the bed. He knelt in front of me and held my hands in his.

"I don't like seeing you upset like this." A smile pulled at his lips. "Besides, I couldn't very well pass up the rare opportunity to chew Jason out for doing something that he's chewed me out for so many times before." He kissed my forehead as he stood up. "Ready?"

"Just about." I finished putting my boots and bracelet on. I grabbed the leather jacket and scarf and we headed to the restaurant.

"Do you have reservations?" The hostess asked. She was definitely checking Don out.

"Flack, party of four for 7:30." Don replied. I looked at him.

"Four?" I asked as the hostess led us to a table. "Who else is coming?" I glared at the hostess as she oh-so-casually brushed against Don. He moved away from her.

"You'll see." He kissed my cheek and then smiled. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You're up to something, Detective." I stated before opening the menu. "It better be worth it; you know I don't like surprises that much." He smiled and opened his menu without saying another word.

"I hope we're not late." I looked up from my menu to see Lacey and Jason standing by the table. "Sarah begged us to let her come, but we said that it was just adults tonight and that she'll see you tomorrow." Lacey continued as she sat down.

"Hey, sis." Jason smiled weakly at me and then looked at Don. "That was smooth on the phone earlier, real smooth." They grinned at each other. I looked between them and Lacey.

"Excuse me." I sat and walked out of the restaurant.

"Cai?" Don was standing next to me. "Are you alright?" He rubbed my arms. "After seeing you this morning; I had to call Jason. I definitely chewed him out on my way to work. I guess I said something to convince to change his mind. He told me not to tell you; he wanted it to be a surprise. Cai, don't be mad, please."

"I'm not mad, Don, not really. I just…" A tear ran down my cheek. He wiped it away and then pulled me into him. I leaned back to look at him.

"What?" He asked after a moment.

"I never thought it was possible to love you more than I already did… I was wrong." I smiled and then kissed him.

"Shall we go back to the table?" He rubbed my arms. "It's cold out here." He flung his arm across my shoulders and we headed back inside.

"Is everything alright?" Lacey asked as we sat back down. I looked at Don and smiled.

"Everything is perfect." I squeezed Don's hand and then we placed our order.

"So what are the plans for tomorrow?" Jason asked as our drinks came.

"We're not heading over to Pops' place until the afternoon." Don replied. "What's wrong, Cailín?"

"I'm sorry, I'm about to pull that hostess' hair out… or better yet her eyes." The hostess had been glancing this direction every minute or so. It was quite obvious that she was checking out both Don and Jason. "I'd hate to see what she would do if Eric were also here…" I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

"Don't worry about her, babe. She's not the one who looks stunning tonight." Don leaned closer. "You know that that neckline drives me crazy." He whispered very softly. He kissed my cheek before straightening up.

"I know." I smiled teasingly at him. "Jase, Mr. Flack wants to visit Da and Mom tomorrow. You don't have to come with us if you don't think you'll be comfortable with that." I turned a more serious topic.

"We'll see how things go, alright?" He smiled and I nodded. Dinner was served and we talked about little things the rest of the meal.

"We'll see you guys tomorrow." Lacey hugged us both. Don and Jason shook hands. "One of these days we'll get the two to share a hug." She and I laughed.

"Good luck with that, you two." Jason said as he hugged me. "Call us whenever, alright?"

"Yeah, good-night." I waved as they waited for their car. We hailed a taxi and headed home.

_Don's POV_

"Well, that went better than I expected." Cailín said as we entered the apartment. I watched as she went to the kitchen and filled Berlin's food and water bowls.

"Yes, it did. You're not angry at me for calling him?" I knew what she'd said at the restaurant but I still wasn't sure.

"Don, I'm not mad or angry. It was sweet of you and one of the best surprises ever. That's why I needed to get some air; it was a surprise and I wasn't exactly sure how to react." She walked over to me and wrapped her hands around my neck. "I couldn't be angry with you for doing something like that." She leaned up to kiss me. Before I could pull her tighter she walked away. I watched as she walked into the bedroom and shut the door.

"Babe?" I knocked on the door.

"Sorry, I just needed a moment." She opened the door. She looked troubled.

"What's wrong?" I pushed by her and pulled her to sit next to me on the bed. "What's bothering you?"

"I was talking to Sam earlier… about what to get you for Christmas?" She shrugged. "I had been talking to Eric a couple of weeks ago and he made a suggestion…" I notice her cheeks flush a little.

"What kind of suggestion?" I had a feeling I already knew.

"The kind that made me throw a puck at his head." A small smile tugged at her lips.

"What did Samantha say?" I wasn't sure what conversation could have gone on between the two women to make Cailín this troubled.

"We both thought that maybe Eric wasn't so far off…" She paused. "Sam asked if I was ready for that kind of step. I said that I didn't know and that that probably meant that I wasn't."

"But?" There was more to it than what she had said; I knew there was by the way she wouldn't look at me.

"Sometimes, when we get close and I pull away, it feels like you get frustrated…" She stood up and stood with her back to me.

"Cai, I'm not frustrated with you and your actions; I'm frustrated with myself. The fact that we get that far and you have to pull away; I feel like I've pushed too hard or gone too far." I turned her to face me. "I meant what I said about waiting until you're ready. I am not going anywhere. It gets to the point sometimes when I want you so bad it's frustrating, but not because of anything you've done or said." I thought about a country song she'd listened to just the other day. I didn't really care for the music but she seemed to really like it. "I wouldn't be a man if I didn't feel that way about you; if a woman like you didn't make me feel like that. I love you, Cailín, and I will wait until you're ready to take that step. It's not an easy decision to make and it can change things."

"Don,…" I placed a finger on her lips to stop whatever she was going to say.

"I'm afraid that if I push too hard, you'll give in. If you give in before you're ready, I'm afraid that you'll resent me. I can't live with that." I shook my head. She smiled at me.

"You, Flack, are too good for me sometimes." She kissed my check before grabbing something from the dresser and heading into the bathroom. I changed and then laid back on the bed and closed my eyes.

_Cailín's POV_

"I'm afraid that if I push too hard, you'll give in. If you give in before you're ready, I'm afraid that you'll resent me. I can't live with that." He shook his head; eyes dark. I smiled at him as his words warmed my heart.

"You, Flack, are too good for me sometimes." I kissed his cheek and then grabbed something from the dresser. I changed into the ensemble I bought earlier in the day. I stood, looking into the full length mirror for several minutes. The baby doll top was a little sheer around the stomach. You couldn't see the scar there; but the one on my shoulder was very much exposed. I took a deep breath and then headed out into the bedroom. I smiled as I heard Don's light breathing; a sure sign that he was asleep. I headed out into the living after putting a robe on. Berlin was laying on the couch; she looked up at me as I went to the fireplace. "Hey, girl, what are you doing?" I scratched her head and then turned on the lights on the Christmas tree. I sat on the couch and Berlin laid her head on my lap. I sat in the silence of the room for about a half hour before I heard movement from the bedroom.

"Cai?" He came out into the living room. "What are you doing out here?" He knelt in front of me.

"Oh, just thinking." I replied and smiled at him. "You were asleep when I came out of the bathroom; I took the opportunity to take some alone time."

"In the dark?" He scratched under Berlin's chin and she licked his hand.

"It was peaceful with just the Christmas tree on." I smiled a little. I shifted and Berlin jumped off the couch and went to lie on her bed. I looked at Don.

"What are you thinking about?" He moved to sit next to me. I moved to face him. I didn't say anything; still trying to think of the right words. I ran my fingers over a gunshot scar on his shoulder; the one he'd sustained at the hockey game so long ago. "Cai?"

"It's just, I've been thinking about what Eric said, what Sam said, and what you've said…" I stood up and went to the tree. I played with one of the ornaments as I thought about what I wanted to say. Words just didn't seem to come to me tonight. I felt his hands on my arms. "I've been thinking a lot about it, even before Eric suggested anything." I could feel the warmth of his bare chest seep through the thin silk robe.

"What are you trying to say?" He whispered in my ear. He knew exactly what I was trying to say; the way he was now kissing my neck told he knew what I was trying to say.

"Don…" My resolve was starting to fail; I knew that I didn't want to rush into anything. I pulled away, took his hand in mine and led him to the bedroom. I untied the robe and just let it fall open as I pushed him to sit on the bed. He ran his hand over the scar on my abdomen and then kissed it.

"They don't bother me." He looked up at me. "It's the thought that I could have lost you that bothers me." He scooted back on the bed and pulled me with him. He flipped over so that I was underneath. "When did you get this?" He grabbed some of the fabric from the top and tugged.

"Today; Sam handed it to me." I smiled a little as heat rose to my cheeks. "I had no intention of wearing it tonight, though."

"Then why are you?" He pulled back a little.

"I want you and I want to know how far I'm willing to go right now. I need to get comfortable with showing these scars…" He silenced me with a kiss.


	27. Chapter 27

**Alright, thank you all for being patient. I've been avoiding this because I wasn't sure where it was going. I've been playing Last Chaos (MMORPG game from Aeria Games). I knew I needed to get this chapter up before someone started to riot ;). I hope you enjoy and it was worth the wait. Disclaimer: I don't not own CSI:NY or the characters. (But I'd gladly take Don Flack if they were giving him away ;) jk... but not really jk) Haha... Enjoy! :D**

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_Cailín's POV_

"Good morning." Don kissed my cheek when I finally stirred. I'd been awake for a little while but I didn't want to move; it was way too comfortable in his arms. "We should get moving."

"Yeah, I guess we should. Are you sure you're not mad about last night?" I looked at him as he stood up. "I mean, I did pull away again; even after all of that talk…"

"Cai, I am not mad." He sat on the edge of the bed and lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "I love you and want it to be special for us, but especially for you. I do not want you to feel pressured." He kissed my forehead before going to the closet.

"Are we opening our presents now, or waiting till tonight?" I stood up. I walked over to the dresser and had to stop when I got a glimpse of my reflection. "Well, it looks like it's going to be a turtleneck today." I smiled and he came over to add another mark to my neck.

"Too bad because I was hoping for another v-neck…" He joked and headed to the closet. "Do you want to wait till later to open ours?" He pulled out a dark blue sweater, a white undershirt and a pair of dark wash jeans.

"Let's just wait, so we don't feel rushed." I grabbed a pair of light wash jeans and a black turtleneck. I went into the bathroom and he followed shortly after. "Really?"

"What?" He smiled at me; he knew "what".

"Out!" I teasingly pushed him out of the bathroom. "A girl needs privacy somewhere." I heard him laugh. I took a quick shower and then got dressed. He headed into the bathroom as soon as I came out. I put my locket on and then zipped up my knee-high boots. It had started snowing during the night and it was still coming down. Berlin came running into the room and jumped up on the bed.

"Looks like someone's ready." Don smiled as he came out of the bathroom and saw Berlin lying next to me.

"Hey, you're the one who still has to put his shoes on." I laughed as he threw his socks at me. "Come on, Berlin, let's wait by the door." He tried to pull back onto the bed but I moved out of his grasp. I headed into the living with Berlin close behind. I put on the leather coat and grabbed Berlin's leash. Don handed me my scarf and gloves and then grabbed the presents for everyone. We decided to walk this morning; we'd probably take the subway or hail a cab or something coming back though. It would depend on how we were feeling.

"Alright, here we go." Don said as we walked up the stairs to the front door. "Hey, Pops, we're here!" He yelled as we entered.

"Come on in, Samantha and them are on the way." His father came out of the kitchen. "This must be Berlin." He petted Berlin and then hugged us. "Please, take your coats off, set the stuff down, and have a seat." We did as he said.

"Do you need any help, Mr. Flack?" I called as he disappeared back into the kitchen.

"No, everything is almost finished." He replied. I leaned against Don as Berlin lay at our feet. There was a crashing sound coming from the kitchen. We both raced in to see Mr. Flack motionless on the floor. I dialed 911.

"911, what's your emergency?" The operator asked.

"Yes, my boyfriend's father isn't moving. He's lying on the floor motionless. I don't know what happened." I tried to remain calm. I told them the address and watched as Don tried CPR. It wasn't long after that that the ambulance was here. Sam, Eric, Jason, Lacey and the kids were not far behind.

"What happened?" Sam busted into the kitchen.

"It looks like he had a heart attack." The EMTs said as they wheeled Mr. Flack to the ambulance. I walked over to Don and laid a hand on his shoulder only to have him pull away.

"Don?" I looked at him. He was tense. "Don, he's going to be fine. He's strong." He glared at me. I was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

"You don't know anything." He spat at me; I'd never seen him like this. As much as it pained me to see him like this the anger at what he'd just flared. My jaw tightened, hands clinched into fist… I spun on my heel and headed out of the room.

"I can't believe you just said that to her!" I heard Sam hiss at Don as tears sprung to my eyes. I grabbed my coat, scarf, and Berlin's leash. I let the door slam behind me. The ambulance was already gone. I headed for the cemetery.

_Don's POV_

"You don't know anything." I hadn't meant to sound so harsh. I hadn't meant to say those words; not to her. I crossed the line this time. I watched as the anger at my words flared. I stood frozen as she left.

"I can't believe you said that to her!" Sam hissed at me. I could hear movement in the living room but my feet wouldn't move. My heart shattered as the door slammed shut.

"Go to the hospital, Sam. I'll try to find Cailín." Eric said as he looked at her and then glared at me.

"She probably headed for the cemetery." Jason glared at me as well, but then shook his head. "I knew this relationship wasn't good."

"Jason!" Lacey turned on her husband. "Don, you should go after her. You didn't mean what you said, did you?" I shook my head. "Then talk to her; apologize. I'm sure she'll understand, but she is hurting from the words. She may shut you out for now, but you have to try. Don't let this go on for more than it has to." She glared at Jason and Eric when they went to protest.

"Don, go after her. Eric and I will go to the hospital. I'll call you." Sam agreed with Lacey. She pulled Eric with her as she left.

"We'll wait here, if that's alright." I nodded at Jason. "Call us, alright?" I could tell that he could see how torn up I was over my comment to Cailín. I grabbed my coat and ran for the cemetery. I kept running until I spotted her at her parents' grave. She was folded in half, kneeling on the ground. I could tell she was crying because her whole body was shaking.

"Cailín…" I approached with caution; not knowing how she'd react. She didn't change position; didn't look at me. "Cailín?" Panic began to set in; I knelt beside her and placed a hand on her back. She jumped a little but then lifted her head to look at me. Tears stained her cheeks as she tried to control her sobs. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean what I said, Cai…" Before I had a chance to finish she wrapped her arms around me. I held her close as she continued to cry.

"I know." She took a deep breath as she pulled back. She pulled some tissues from her coat pocket. "I know; it's just that all of this made me think back to what happened to Da." I stood up and pulled her with me. "I know you're just worried about your father, Don." I kissed her forehead and then pulled her into me.

"That's no excuse for saying what I did, or how I said it." We headed towards the entrance. "I just want to know that you forgive me for that." I took her hand in mine after she untied Berlin from a tree just outside the cemetery. I called Jason to let him know that we were heading to the house. "Jason's going to give us a lift to the hospital. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"I want to; at least for a little while." She shook her head slightly. "I'm starting to hate hospitals…" I squeezed her hand and headed to the house. Jason was waiting at the base of the stairs for us. Cailín took Berlin inside and then came back out. "Let's go." I nodded and we headed for the hospital.

"He's awake." Eric met us in the lobby.

"Don, go see him; I'll be here." I knew Cailín was not comfortable being at the hospital. Jason looked at her and then at me. I kissed her forehead and then went to see Pops.

"Hey, Pops. How are you feeling?" He looked tired but strong.

"I'm better, Son." He smiled at me and then glanced out into the hallway where he could see Cailín leaning against a wall. "Is she doing alright?" He nodded in her direction.

"She doesn't really like hospitals at the moment." I watched Cailín and she seemed to be staring a hole in the floor. "I said something to her earlier that I shouldn't have said. I've done nothing but hurt her for a long time and now, when things were good, I've hurt her in one of the worst possible ways."

"What did you say?" He looked at me. It took all I had not to break down. I'd never felt so miserable before. I'd been distraught over losing Jessica but I'd never felt like this. It still didn't feel like she'd forgiven me.

"I told her that she couldn't possible know how I was feeling or what was happening." I shook my head. I wouldn't feel better until Cailín said the words.

"She knows that you didn't mean it. She knows that, otherwise she wouldn't be here." He looked at me and then back out at Cailín. "Go home. Talk this out with her. I'll be fine; the doctor says that they're going to keep me over night, but I'm going to be fine."

"He's right, Don." Sam entered the room. She looked over her shoulder at Cailín. "You both look miserable; probably for different reasons, but probably also for the same reasons. Eric and I will stay for a while. We'll call you." She smiled and then looked at Pops. He nodded.

"Alright, call me if anything happens." I hugged Pops and kissed Sam on the cheek on my way out of the room. I laid a hand on Cailín's shoulder and she looked up at me. "Let's go home." She nodded. Jason took us back to Pops and then to Cailín's place. We entered the apartment and I watched as she headed to the bedroom.

"She's sinking. I don't think it has as much to do with what you said as it does with her reliving Dad's death." Jason set our presents from everyone on the table and then headed back down to his car.

"Cai?" I called quietly into the room. She was curled up into a ball on the bed. Berlin was sitting on the floor watching her. I went over to her and then took off her boots, coat, and scarf. I proceeded to do the same with mine. I sat on the edge of the bed as a torrent of emotions hit me. I never noticed when the tears came; never noticed that my body was shaking.

"Don?" I felt her hand on my back. "What's wrong?" She wrapped her arms around me and held me. "I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it; you were worried and afraid. I was just flashing back to Da…" She laid her head against my back and we sat there for a while. "It doesn't feel like Christmas, does it?"

"No, it doesn't." I replied hoarsely. "I am really sorry about that comment; it should have never been said." She got up and knelt in front of me. She placed her hands in mine and looked me in the eyes.

"I forgive you, Flack. Now you have to forgive yourself. I love you, no matter what." She leaned in to kiss me.

_Cailín's POV_

"I forgive you, Flack. Now you just have to forgive yourself. I love you, no matter what." I leaned in to kiss him. I hadn't expected the jolt of electricity that shot through my body the moment our lips touched. I was having trouble focusing and my body instinctually backed away. I backed up and hit the corner of the dresser.

"Cailín?" He stood up and walked towards me. "What's wrong?" He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Nothing, it's just…" I tried to relax; to focus on something other than his touch. I don't know why it was affecting this much right now. "I'll be right back." I headed into the bathroom. I needed to collect my thoughts. I went over to the sink and splashed cold water on my face.

"Cailín, are you alright?" Don asked through the door before poking his head in. "What's going on?" I leaned back against the sink with my arms crossed.

"I'm fine. It's just that my body is reacting to even the slightest touch…" I looked at him. He smiled. I walked over to him and begin to lift his sweater over his head; then I took mine off. I rested a hand on the back of his head and the other at his waist. I looked into his eyes briefly before kissing him hard. His hands grabbed at the undershirt I was wearing.

"Cailín…" He whispered as he kissed my jaw and neck. My eyes closed in response as I threw my head back, exposing more of my neck. We paused and I could feel his breath warm against my neck. He looked at me. "I love you."

"Don…" He silenced me with a kiss and led me to the bed. For the first time, I didn't pull away. I didn't want to; I was ready.

"Cailín, I love you." Don said as we lay in bed; clothes scattered everywhere. Neither one of us wanted to move. There was a knock on the door and then my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered. Don was kissing the back of my neck.

"Hey, sis, we're outside. We thought if you guys were up to it, we could open presents. Sarah didn't want to open them without you." I smiled at Jason's words.

"Yeah, hold on." I looked at Don. "Jason and Lacey are outside. They were wondering if we were up to opening presents." He nodded. "Yeah, Jason; give a few minutes to get dressed."

"Alright." He paused. "We'll be waiting." He hung up.

"I think he got what I meant by that… He sounded like it anyways." I grinned as I stood. I grabbed my robe and then made my way to the dresser. I found a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve, turtle-neck shirt. Don got dressed and then I went to open the door.

"Hi, Aunt Cailín!" Sarah hugged me. "Hi, Mr. Don." She then hugged Don. It was cute.

"Come on in; we just piled everything on the table." I moved aside and they filed into the apartment. Jason grabbed me by the hand and pulled into the bedroom.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He said as he noticed the clothes on the floor. He closed the door and then looked at me. "Please tell me that you used something at least. You definitely don't need to get pregnant right now."

"Do you _really_ want to know details?" I hissed. He crossed his arms. "Fine, I'm on birth control; have been for years." I turned on my heel and started for the door.

"Cailín." His voice stopped me.

"What?" I didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard time accepting this and that doesn't help any. It's going to take more time." I turned to look at him. I nodded, but I knew I still looked hurt. I wanted him to accept Don and me as a couple. "It's going to take more time." He repeated.

"I just wish you wouldn't do this. I wish you wouldn't try to make this about him hurting me. I've forgiven him for earlier and I've told him that he needs to forgive himself. I think he has. You need to forgive him as well." I headed back out into the living room. Don came up to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. He knew something was up but wasn't going to say anything.

"So, Jason, are you guys planning on staying through the New Year or are you heading back home before then?" Don asked as we sat around the table after opening presents. Sarah was playing with a few of her new toys.

"We really haven't decided yet." Jason looked at me and I knew I looked indifferent to him. I didn't mean to be that way, but I was sick of him trying to find something wrong with Don and I being together. "I got a call Lucas Jones the other day." He really wasn't going to bring this up, was he?

"What did _he_ want?" I know I sounded cold. Lucas was one of those boyfriends in high school who was a complete jerk after the breakup.

"He asked how you were doing and if you were still living in the area. I told him that you had moved back to New York. He wanted me to give you his number. He said that he's going to be in New York this week for business." Jason was definitely hinting at something.

"So? I don't want to talk to him and I definitely don't what to see him." A look of confusion played across his face. I rolled my eyes. "Do you remember Lucas? I mean _really_ remember him." I looked at Don. He knew who Lucas was from my scrapbook. His jaw was clenched tight.

"Why don't I take the kids downstairs to see Aunt Mary and Uncle Rick?" Lacey stood up and took Andrew and Sarah down to the pub.

"Do you remember why Lucas and I broke up?" From the look on Jason's face I knew that he was at a loss. "I broke up with him because he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He didn't understand why I wouldn't sleep with him and wouldn't drop it. After _I_ dumped _him_, he spread it all over school that he dumped me because of how bad I was…" I shook my head. Jason nodded.

"Yeah, and what does that have to do with now?" He asked. "High school was a long time ago, Cailín, people can change." I took a deep breath. "He spread rumors about you and you won't talk to him, but Don has…"

"Don't!" I slammed my fist on the table. "I'm sick of that. You don't realize how much damage Lucas did… there was a reason I didn't have any more boyfriends in high school after him." I shook my head. "You know my track record when it comes to men… Patrick and Don are the only two that loved me for who I was and didn't try to change me."

"What about Harm?" Jason brought up.

"Harm and I dated for two months or so… He didn't try to change me either but we both knew where that relationship was going." I looked at Jason and rolled my eyes.

"There's more. Lucas asked me if you were seeing anyone."

"What did you tell him?" Don asked.

"I told him the truth. I told him that she was seeing someone and that she was happy. When he asked how long, I said a few months. When he asked if I was happy about it, I said that I was." He paused and looked between Don and me. "I am happy about this, but it's still going to take time for me to be completely accepting of it."

"Thanks, Jason, I know this isn't easy for you." I replied. "It does mean a lot that you're happy about Don and me, but will you please not bring up the past?"

"Alright, I will try my best not to bring up the past." Jason smiled a little. "I'll let you two enjoy the rest of Christmas alone. We'll probably spend a few more days in the city; I'll call you." He stood and hugged us both before heading downstairs.

"What happened when he pulled you into the bedroom?" Don asked as cleaned up the living room.

"I think he was going to ask if we had… then he noticed the clothes scattered all over the room. He asked if we used protection; that the last thing we needed was for me to get pregnant." His eyes grew wide as realization hit, even though I'd told Don that I was on birth control. "I know birth control isn't 100% but I haven't missed taking it in all the years I've been on it. I'm not worried."

"Still, I'd feel better if we use more next time. Jason's right; neither one of us have the life right now to for that." We sat on the couch and watched the snow fall outside.

"Do you want kids?" I nestled into his chest as he wrapped an arm around me. "I know Da wanted me to know the joy of motherhood and Jason would love to have nieces or nephews…"

"I never really thought about it too much. I know my father would love to see his first grandchildren but, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll see myself as a father." I looked up at him. "What is it?"

"I already see you as a father, Don. I already see myself as a mother, but I know I'm not ready for it. Should anything happen to Lacey and Jason, I've agreed to be the legal guardian of Sarah and Andrew..." I paused and looked back out the window. "I'm not sure I'm ready to be a parent, but someday I hope to have your children. There's just one thing though…" I looked up at him again.

"What?" He watched me as I searched for the words to say.

"Have you ever thought about getting married?" He shifted and then stood up. I was starting to wish we'd discussed this before… It was quiet for a few minutes before I headed to the bedroom. I stood in front of the dresser for a few more minutes before grabbing my robe and heading into the bathroom. As I sat in the tub I wondered what Don was thinking. Did I ruin what we had by asking that question? I laid my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. Tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks; I was scared that his answer was going to be 'no.'


	28. Chapter 28

**Alright, break out the balloons. :) Chapter 28 is finally here and Chapter 29 is underway. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I'm hoping that chapter 29 will be the last, but may end up tying it all up with an Epilogue (depends on how 29 ends). Anyways... read, enjoy, review! Oh and to address one reviewer's concern: Don and Cailin are not engaged, they were never gonna get engaged this early in the relationship. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:NY (any part)._  
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**ENJOY!  
**

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_Cailín's POV (the next morning)_

When I had gotten out of the bathroom last night, Don had already crawled into bed and had fallen asleep. I woke up to an empty bed and my heart sank. I tried not to cry; to force the tears back behind their wall. I looked around the room for some sign that he was still here; that he hadn't left me. His shirts were still in the closet and a pile of clothes sat in the corner. I sat up and slung my legs over the side of the bed. I could hear movement in the kitchen.

"Good morning." Don greeted me as I entered the room. I smiled weakly at him; it was too hard not to feel the heaviness of last night. I went to the window and looked at the snow that covered the ground. "It must have snowed a lot last night; everything is white." I nodded slightly. I turned and headed into the dark room. I leaned against the door as the tears broke through the barrier. Was this how it was to be now? Was he going to pretend like the topic of marriage was never brought up? Marriage seemed a lot less scary than children but he had been fine with that conversation. "Cai?" He called. I wiped the tears away, took a deep breath, and headed back into the living room.

"I'm going to take Berlin for a walk." I replied trying to sound normal. I got dressed and then hooked Berlin's leash to her collar. "We'll be back later." I grabbed my camera, jacket, and scarf and headed outside. We headed for the park.

"Hey, Cailín!" Sam waved at me when she and Eric spotted me. "Where's Don?" She asked when they approached.

"What happened?" Eric must have seen something written on my face. "What did he do?" Eric and Jason were too much alike.

"Nothing, Eric, nothing happened." I tried to sound convincing but even Sam knew something was up. "I needed some air, that's all."

"Eric, why don't you go hang out with Don for a little while? Cailín and I need some girl time." Sam linked arms with me as Eric headed for the apartment. "What happened?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon, when we got home, Don and I slept together." I paused. "I wanted it just as much as he did. Jason called to see if we were up to opening presents. When he figured out what had happened he pulled me into the bedroom. He wanted to make sure there was little chance of me getting pregnant." I took a deep breath before continuing. "After they left, Don and I got to talking about having kids. Then the topic of marriage came up."

"What did he say?" Sam looked at me.

"Nothing, he didn't say a word. This morning he seemed like he was trying to pretend that it never happened. After Patrick died I never thought that I would want to get married; I never thought I could see myself in love with someone that much again. When I look at Don…" A tear ran down my cheek. "I see my entire future. I see a life of happiness. I see myself as his wife and the mother of his kids. I'm afraid that I ruined everything with asking him about marriage…"

"No you didn't ruin anything. Cailín, it's good to talk about this stuff. He's probably just as confused as you are; I'm not sure he's ever seen himself as the marring kind. That's not to say that he doesn't now, but sometimes I wondered if he was ever going to be ready for that kind of commitment." She pulled me into a hug and then we walked around for about an hour.

_Don's POV_

I stood staring at the door for a few minutes after Cailín left. She hadn't said anything to me since she asked about marriage last night. I hadn't been sure of how to answer last night and I still wasn't sure how to answer. I tried to act normal this morning, but I guess that was the wrong thing to do. There was a knock on the door. I opened it.

"Hey, Sam and I bumped into Cailín in the park. She and Sam are having girl time. What's up? What happened?" Eric barged into the apartment. "Cailín looked a little down this morning."

"She hasn't really spoken to me since last night." I leaned against the bar and explained about the conversation from last night.

"You haven't brought it up yet?" I shook my head. "No wonder she looked that way. I don't think she's thought about marriage since Patrick died. I mean sure, with what her father told her before he died but I don't think she thought much about it. How do you feel about the idea?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Look, you need to talk about this. I'm here for you; we are going to be brothers at some point in the future, but we are friends. It might help if you figure out what to say before you talk to her."

"I'm not sure what to say. I've never seen myself as the type to get married; to make that kind of commitment. I'd seen myself spending the rest of my life with one woman, but never really being married. I never saw the whole wedding/marriage thing being for me." I paused and looked out the window. "All of that changed when I walked into the pub months ago; the night you and Sam got engaged and I saw Cailín again after she'd been gone."

"So you're saying that you do see yourself getting married someday?" Eric looked at me.

"I guess so, but not anytime soon and no engagement either. It's way too soon for that." I quickly added. "Besides, that would be a little hypocritical since Cailín and I both think that you and Sam moved a little too fast." He nodded and then headed for the door.

"Well, now that you have it figured out, you should discuss this with her." Eric said before leaving. I sat on the couch and waited for Cailín to return home. I must have waited for about half an hour before I heard the door open. I smiled at her when she walked in.

"How was the walk?" I asked when she sat on the other end of the couch.

"It was good. Did you and Eric talk?" I nodded. She looked at the fireplace and then turned so that she was facing me. "About that question last night…"

"Cailín…" She stopped me.

"I don't expect anything anytime soon but I do feel like we need to talk about it. After Patrick died I gave up on the idea of marriage. I never thought I would fall in love with someone enough to see myself married to them. I love you, Don, and I do see myself married to you somewhere down the road. I see myself as your wife and the mother of your children, but not anytime soon; I don't think either one of us are ready for that yet. Not only that, but it would be a little hypocritical for us to get engaged so soon after we've just started dating…" She paused and took a deep breath. "I needed the walk this morning because it felt like you were trying to pretend like last night didn't happen; that you were trying to avoid the topic. When I woke up this morning my first thought was that you had left…" I scooted closer to her and held her hands in mine.

"No, I wouldn't leave you. I've felt what it's like to not have you in my arms; I've felt the fear of losing you…" I reached up to wipe away a tear. "I wasn't sure what to say last night or this morning. Cailín, I never saw myself as the marrying type; never saw the wedding/marriage thing as being for me. Not until you reentered my life and I thought I was going to lose you. The night Eric and Sam got engaged… when I walked into the pub and saw you holding Andrew, my heart melted. I think that was the moment that I first realized how much you meant to me; how much of my future I saw in you. I was a fool not to say anything sooner than the week before Thanksgiving." I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "What I'm saying is that I see myself married to you somewhere down the road. It is way too early for us to get engaged, as I told Eric, it would be a little hypocritical. I love you, Cailín. When the time is right for us, we'll make those decisions." I kissed her forehead and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you, Don Flack." She pulled back. "Sam said she called you this morning but got your voicemail. Your father is doing well… the doctors are tempted to send him home early, he's driving the nurses crazy." I laughed a little; that sounded like Pops. "When are you due back at work?" She stood and stretched.

"Tomorrow afternoon; what do you want to do today?" I stood up and pulled her into me. Her eyes grew dark as a small smile tugged at her lips. She ran a hand down my chest and then stepped away. "Oh, you're teasing me now?" I smiled as I tried to grab her but she moved too fast. She laughed. She squealed as I went for her again and this time caught her. She laughed as I pushed her against the wall and trapped her there. "Now, what was that about?" I nuzzled her neck.

"Nothing, I just knew you'd get a kick out of it." She said and tried to move away. I looked at her and saw the teasing in her eyes. I released her hands to see what she would do. She started to unbutton my shirt and then the phone rang.

"Ignore it." I kissed her neck again. The phone kept ringing. I sighed as she moved to answer it.

"Hello?" She looked at me and smiled. "Hey, Lindsay, how was your Christmas?" I couldn't hear what Lindsay was saying. "No, Sam said that he's doing fine. He's driving the nurses crazy and the doctors were tempted to send him home early." She laughed a little. "No, they're keeping him one more night. They ran some tests early this morning and wanted to wait until the results came back before they sent him home." I went to grab my cell phone and checked my voice message… Sam had said all that. "I'll ask. Can I call you back?" She hung up the phone and looked at me.

"What's up?" I put my cell on the bar.

"Lindsay and Danny wanted to know if we wanted to join them for lunch downstairs in about an hour or so." She walked over to me. "She asked how your father was doing." I nodded. My cell phone started to ring. I checked the caller ID before answering.

"Hey, Mac." I watched Cailín head into the bedroom. "Yeah, Sam says he's doing fine. The doctors ran some tests early this morning and they're going to keep him one more night." Cailín came back out of the bedroom with my shoes and socks in hand. I smiled at her. "We're meeting Danny and Lindsay for lunch at the pub." I watched as she texted Lindsay. "That's alright; do you want to get together later today or tomorrow morning? I have to be at work in the afternoon." He was silent for a minute; I could hear a faint conversation on his end. "Dinner sounds good; where do you want to meet?" I jotted down the address and the time and then said goodbye.

"I take it we're eating out for dinner as well?" She handed me my shoes. "Danny and Lindsay will be downstairs in an hour; they were dropping Lucy off with Jason and Lacey."

"How are Jason and Lacey doing?" I had almost forgotten that they were still in town.

"Fine, I guess. Jason texted me while I was walking. They were going to spend the day with Sam and Eric and now babysitting for Danny and Lindsay. They want to spend time with us tomorrow morning or whenever is best for you." I nodded as I finished tying my shoes.

"We can meet them for a late breakfast or early lunch; I don't have to be at the precinct until one." I moved to the couch and pulled her on to my lap. "When New Year's comes, we are spending the day alone, locked in the apartment." I kissed her softly on the lips.

"Sounds like a plan to me, Detective." She smiled and kissed me back. "I will never complain about spending time alone with you." We spent the next half hour making out. "I'm going to have to buy more turtlenecks… I don't know what I'm going to do when the weather gets warmer, Flack." She remarked at the new marks on her neck. "It's like we're in high school or something."

"I'm just marking what's mine." I teased. She smiled. "I won't as much when the weather gets warmer though, that would be a little weird."

"Not to mention that it would take a lot of make-up to cover them up." She stood up and we made our way downstairs.

"Well, look who decided to emerge from the apartment." Rick greeted us as we walked into the pub. We slid into Cailín's favorite booth and waited for Danny and Lindsay. "How's your dad doing, Don?"

"He's doing fine. The doctors ran some tests earlier this morning and are going to hold him one more night while they wait for all the results to come in." Mary came over with an arm full of stuff.

"Since we didn't see you yesterday and weren't sure you were up to visitors after everything that happened… I hoped you would show up today." She piled the gifts on the table. "We thank you for the gifts you sent with Jason and Lacey yesterday." We had asked that Jason and Lacey give Mary and Rick the gifts that we had gotten for them. Mary was wearing the necklace Cailín picked out.

"I take it you haven't been out to the cemetery yet?" Rick looked at Cailín.

"Not properly, no we haven't." She replied with a tone the said that she didn't want to explain what that comment meant. Cailín pushed the gifts onto the booth beside her as Danny and Lindsay walked in.

"Hey, guys." Lindsay smiled at us as they slid into the other booth.

"I'll go get your drinks." Rick said and then left. Mary went back to the bar.

"Apart from what happened with your father, how was your Christmas?" Danny asked.

"It was interesting." I replied and looked at Cailín. She nodded and blushed a little. "It was good, aside from my father's heart attack. Though, Jason could have left some things unsaid yesterday evening." I added that last part a little bitterly. I looked at Cailín and her eyes were wide. I followed her gaze to a man who had just entered the pub. "Is that him?"

"I think so. It looks like him." She pulled out her phone and texted Jason something. A few minutes later the man's phone started to ring. Cailín received a text from Jason. "That's him." She gripped my knee tighter.

"Ouch, okay, can you release the claws?" I teased a little. I took her hand in mine and then kissed her on the cheek. "It's going to be alright, Cai." I watched as the man in question glanced our direction. He seemed to be studying Cailín.

"Does he have to stare?" Cailín whispered as she noticed him looking too. "He's starting to creep me out." She sank at little in the booth and then looked at Lindsay and Danny.

"Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away." I smiled a little at the cliché. Danny was a little amused at my wording as well. Ignoring him worked for about fifteen minutes until he decided to stop staring and end his curiosity once and for all.

"Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but you look awfully familiar. Do I know you?" He asked Cailín.

"Yes, Lucas. We dated in high school; you talked to my brother the other week." She replied. I watched as her jaw tightened and felt her grip on my leg get tighter. I rested my hand on hers and she relaxed a little.

"Cailín, I thought it was you but I wasn't sure. Jason said you had moved back to New York. How have you been?" He was seemingly unaware of the rest of us sitting here.

"I've been good. There were some times when I thought moving back here was a mistake but now I know it was the right thing to do. I'm working for the NYPD now." She looked at me and smiled.

"You're a cop?" He asked in disbelief.

"No. I'm a photographer for the NYPD's Public Relations Department. My boyfriend is a Homicide detective." She squeezed my hand. "This is Don Flack, my boyfriend and this is Danny and Lindsay Messer. They work for the New York Crime Lab."

"Yeah, Jason said you were seeing someone. It's nice to meet you all. I should get going; I have a business meeting in an hour." Lucas nodded his head and then headed out of the pub.

"That was weird." Lindsay stated.

"Who was that?" Danny asked.

"An ex-boyfriend from high school." Cailín relaxed a little more now that Lucas had left. "He looked a little disappointed that Jason wasn't wrong about me seeing someone."

"He did, but he messed up. He had his chance." I kissed her cheek and she smiled.

"So what's on the agenda for the rest of the day?" Lindsay asked as our dessert came.

"Nothing much this afternoon, but we're meeting Mac and Christine for supper. Tomorrow we're meeting Jason and Lacey for brunch before we have to be back at work." Cailín said as she stole a bite of my cake. "I love Da's Irish Cream Chocolate Cake."

"Then why didn't you order your own?" I teased as I stole a bite of her peppermint cheesecake.

"Cause I can get that any time of the year but this cheesecake is only offered during Christmas." She teased back.

"You guys want to go for a walk in Central Park?" Lindsay asked as we finished up.

"It's up to you, Babe. I took Berlin for a walk earlier." Cailín looked at me. I thought for a moment and then decided that I wanted to spend the afternoon alone with Cailín.

"I think we'll have to take a rain check. We still have some presents to open." I nodded to the pile next to Cailín. "Maybe New Year's Eve day before the big event?"

"That should work for me as long as there's plenty of time for me to getting ready for the gala." Cailín looked at me and then at Danny and Lindsay.

"We have New Year's Eve and New Year's Day off, so that will work for us. We can iron out details later. We should get going; we're having supper with Lacey, Jason, Eric, and Samantha, our payment for them babysitting for us." Lindsay said as she and Danny slid out of the booth. They waved and then headed out.

"I guess we should get these upstairs." Cailín piled the presents up on the table and waited for me to get up. I slid out and grabbed most of the presents. We headed upstairs and dumped the presents onto the table when we got inside. "I want to ask you something. You don't have to give me an answer right away, but I just want to put the idea out there." I looked at her and wondered what could possibly be on her mind.


End file.
